Road Trip 6: Get Your Kicks
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: A new Road Trip story. This time, Tim and Tony head out on Route 66 to get their kicks, but there's so much more to life now that the road trip isn't all there is. 27 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Yes, another Road Trip story. Almost right after I finished the last one, I knew I needed another one. There are some serious things in this one, but it's not as dark as the last one was...but it's a lot longer. I kind of lost my usual Road Trip format with this one. There's a lot more to the story than just the road trip. However, there was so much that had to happen in this story that I felt justified. :) So here it is, I hope you enjoy it.

 **Disclaimer:** As always, I don't own NCIS or its characters, even if I think what I do with them is much better than the show. :) I'm not making money off this. I do claim my OCs, but that's it.

* * *

 **Get Your Kicks  
** by Enthusiastic Fish

 **Chapter 1**

It was early Sunday morning, and Tim was awake. No work today, and no real plans. Just a quiet Sunday, which usually led Tim toward difficult thoughts. A year and a half after seeing Allison Jenkins murdered, he was doing really well.

Most of the time.

He still had nightmares about her on occasion. Usually, Delilah could comfort him and he'd go back to sleep. It wasn't every night or even _most_ nights. Just often enough that it troubled him.

Thankfully, that wasn't why he was awake right now. No, it wasn't so simple as that.

Lying in bed, he rolled over as quietly as possible and opened the drawer in his side table. He pulled out a piece of paper and opened it. Then, he smiled as he read the words to a song, his Christmas present from Tony the year before last. An offer he hadn't really believed at first and then, one he had been afraid of cashing in. Tony had meant it in the moment, but did he really mean it now? Tim still looked on their last road trip as one of the worst events in his life and, whether Tony admitted to it or not, one of the worst in his life, too. Tony had said it didn't wipe out all the fun they'd had on the others, but for Tim, the road trip to force him to get the help he'd desperately needed and felt he didn't deserve loomed large, casting a long shadow over all the trips that had come before.

Now, Delilah had started asking him when he was going to ask Tony about it. Neither of them had taken much personal time in the previous year, meaning that they had the personal days available. But both of them were team leads and neither of them had the excuse of _needing_ time off. ...and if Tim didn't do something soon, it would have to wait for quite a while.

But quite frankly, Tim was a little nervous about going on another road trip. He knew that the last trip had been an aberration, the outlier in a larger pattern of having fun. But it was so extreme that it was hard to see past it, and did Tony _really_ want to try it again? Tim didn't want Tony to force himself to do something with the idea of helping Tim again. It didn't matter that it hadn't always been that way. Tim now felt that debt very heavily. He looked back on that road trip as Tony making the ultimate sacrifice for him and he never wanted to put Tony in that position again.

With a sigh, Tim set the paper aside and got out of bed, disturbing Delilah as little as possible.

"Tim?" she mumbled.

"I'm just going to make sure our son isn't destroying the house," Tim said softly. "Don't get up."

"Okay," she said and didn't even open her eyes.

Tim smiled and walked out of the bedroom. He didn't really think Tommy would be awake. Not this early. But it would give him some time alone, where he could not worry about whether or not Delilah would start worrying about him again.

He sat down on the couch and leaned back to stare at the ceiling. That was another source of lingering guilt. He knew that he had really upset Delilah. She'd never seen him like he had been and it had upset her to the point that she had gone to Dr. Bourning for a while herself.

Tim saw all too clearly how much he had hurt the people he cared for the most, and he hadn't been able to forgive himself for what he'd done to them. From the benefit of distance, he could acknowledge that he hadn't been thinking clearly in the midst of the anguish he'd felt from witnessing Allison's death and knowing that it could have been prevented. Still, if he had been able to open his eyes to the world around him and see that it wasn't necessary, he could have saved the people around him a lot of pain.

There was no way he could have saved Allison Jenkins, but he could have saved his family that grief.

The sound of a drum reached his ears and Tim smiled to himself, pushing away the bitter self-reflection. He'd better stop that before Tommy woke up Delilah. Five months along and she was already feeling the extra strain of pregnancy. It wouldn't be too much longer before she'd have to stop working again. They'd already discussed what they'd do next, but they hadn't come to any particular conclusions. The only definite conclusion they'd come to was that this would be her last pregnancy. In fact, Tim would be getting a vasectomy once Delilah recovered. She said that she had to go through labor. It was only fair for him to have his share of the misery. Tim had agreed, but they were waiting until a successful delivery. Pregnancy was hard for her to manage, but this would keep Tommy from being an only child. Neither of them had wanted that for him. Yes, Tommy got all their attention, but it would be good for him to have siblings. And they both had wanted to have more than one child.

Tim went into Tommy's room and found him in his usual mess.

"Good morning, Tommy," Tim said. "You're going to wake up your mom."

"Daddy's awake!" Tommy said, happily. "Can we go to the park?"

"Tommy, it's too early to go to the park. We'll have to wait until later."

"Play music with me?"

Tommy looked so hopeful that Tim melted...like he always did. Delilah had told him before that he was a little too lenient with their son, but Tim couldn't help but want to keep Tommy happy. He tried to be stern when he needed to, but at times like this, he just went with the flow and gave in to his son's child-like demands. He closed the door to Tommy's room, turned off the baby monitor and sat down on the floor. Tommy gave him the drum and then picked up the maracas and tambourine. For the next forty-five minutes, they were contentedly creating noise that might also pass as music.

Then, Tim looked at the time. It was late enough to start breakfast.

"Okay, Tommy. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Pancakes!" Tommy said. "Pancakes, Daddy! With syrup!"

"We had pancakes yesterday, Tommy," Tim said.

"Pancakes!"

"Don't you want something else? Like eggs?"

"Pancakes!" Tommy said with the dogged determination of a three-year-old.

"Okay. Pancakes. Can I add blueberries to them?"

Tommy's brow furrowed.

"Blue berries?" he asked.

"Come on. I'll show you."

Tim stood up and held out his hand. Tommy took it and then proceeded to drag him into the kitchen. Tim got out the blueberries and let Tommy taste one.

"What do you think, Tommy?"

"Yummy!"

"Can I put them in the pancakes?"

"Blueberry pancakes!" Tommy said, nearly shouting.

"I can hear you, Tommy," Tim said. "You don't need to shout."

"Blueberry! Blueberry!" Tommy continued to shout, trying out the new word.

Tim just smiled and started to make the pancake batter. Pancakes was his usual breakfast when he cooked. While he worked, Tommy began getting out pots and pans and banging them with spoons. Tim gave up on stopping him. He was happy enough to have Tommy around and enjoying being around him that he just let it be.

He got out the griddle and started heating it up. He remembered his mother making bacon first and then cooking the pancakes in the bacon grease. She said it made them taste better. Tim usually just used butter, and they didn't have any bacon right now, but it brought him a feeling of nostalgia as he put the first dollops on the griddle.

"Daddy, let me see!" Tommy said, abandoning his pots.

Tim leaned down and picked up Tommy.

"Don't touch, Tommy. It's hot."

Obediently, Tommy just looked, seemingly fascinated by the pancakes. He didn't even squirm. He just stared until the bubbles started forming on the top. Time to flip.

"Okay, Tommy. I need to flip the pancakes."

He shifted Tommy to one side and picked up the spatula to flip the pancakes over. Really, Tommy was getting too big to just hold for long periods of time, but while he was interested, Tim would hold him up and let him see.

"What is all this mess?"

Tim grinned and turned around. Delilah was there in her chair, looking around at all the pots and pans Tommy had spread around.

"Tommy was giving me some musical support while I was getting breakfast ready."

"Well, I can't get into the kitchen with this stuff on the floor."

Tim set Tommy down.

"Okay, Tommy. You need to pick up the pots and pans so that Mommy can come into the kitchen."

"No! I want to watch!"

"No, Tommy. You need to pick up the pots, first. If you're fast, you can get them done before I'm finished with the pancakes."

Tommy looked like he was deciding whether or not to throw a tantrum. Tim headed it off at the pass.

"And if you're really fast, you can help pick out the plates."

The clouds cleared instantly. For whatever reason, Tommy liked to choose the plates they ate off of. He began to stack up the pots and pans. He wasn't good at putting them away, but they were no longer spread out across the floor. Delilah started to lean over to pick them up and then she winced and sat up quickly.

"I'll get it, Delilah," Tim said. "Don't worry."

Frustration warred with gratitude as she rubbed her already-rounded belly.

"I'm already sick of this, Tim," she said.

"I know. I wish I could make it better."

She smiled. "I know you do. But I also know that it will be worth it in the end. At least, it had better be."

"Mommy, you hurt?" Tommy asked, looking very concerned.

"Just a little. It's all right."

"Kiss it better?"

Delilah looked at Tim and smiled. Tommy had definitely taken the idea of kissing a hurt better to heart. They'd even found him kissing his own finger once when he slammed it in the door.

"Yes, you can."

"Where do you hurt?" he asked.

Delilah rubbed her stomach and Tommy walked over and reached up to gently kiss her belly.

"All better?" Tommy asked.

"Better," Delilah said.

Tommy looked at Tim.

"Daddy, kiss Mommy, too."

Tim got the pancakes off the griddle and then leaned over and gently kissed Delilah on the lips.

Delilah smiled at him and then laughed as Tommy started tugging at Tim's hand.

"No, Daddy. Mommy hurts here," he said, pointing at Delilah's belly.

"It's okay, Tommy," Delilah said.

"No, he's right," Tim said. "I missed."

He knelt down and rubbed Delilah's belly and then kissed it.

"Better?" he asked softly, rubbing it again.

"All better," Delilah said with a tender smile. She cupped her hand on Tim's cheek and then leaned over just enough to kiss him again. "Now, finish making breakfast and Tommy and I will get the table set."

"Okay," Tim said, smiling.

He stood up and went back to the griddle, enjoying hearing his family happy. He cooked the rest of the pancakes, warmed up the syrup and brought everything to the table. They ate together and then Tommy ran off to play on his drum again...after being forced to let Tim wipe off his sticky face and fingers.

Delilah grimaced at the noise.

"I don't know if I'll ever forgive Tony for giving Tommy that stupid drum," Delilah said, as Tim started to clean up the kitchen.

"It keeps him occupied," Tim said.

"Yes, but it occupies us, too."

Tim laughed. "At least he hasn't started using the whistle much yet."

"We should hide it. He'll never know," Delilah said, smiling. "Speaking of Tony, when are you going to ask him?"

"I don't know," Tim said.

"Tim, if you don't do it in the next couple of months, it's going to be too late. I'll be too far along and I'll need you close to home. You know that they said it'll probably be a lot earlier than the due date. And who knows how long it will take to get into a rhythm after?"

"There's no set deadline for going on a road trip, Delilah," Tim said. "Just because I don't go before you're due doesn't mean I can't go after."

"But it will be that much harder to find the time and you know it."

Delilah rolled over close to him and caught his hand as he loaded the dishwasher.

"Tim, you're worrying about something you don't need to worry about."

Tim looked at Delilah's hand and rubbed it with his other hand.

"Story of my life," he whispered.

"It doesn't have to be. Just call him and ask him. You want to go, even if it scares you, and I'll bet Tony does, too. He's probably wondering why you aren't asking. You know that he left it up to you to decide the time."

"What if he's reconsidered and doesn't really want to go again?"

"No, Tim. That's just your self-doubt speaking. I know that Dr. Bourning's been trying to get you to do it, too. This would be good for you, Tim."

"But would it be good for Tony?" Tim asked. "That's what happened last time. It was all about what I needed, not what he needed. I don't want to forget him again."

"You're not in the same situation that you were last time," Delilah said. "Not even close. You're fine, now, Tim. You'd both just be having fun. And if you have some problems still, you're working on them. You need to stop holding yourself back."

Tim forced a smile. "Not going on a road trip is hardly holding myself back."

"Yes, it is, and you know it," Delilah said, seriously. "Please, Tim. Call Tony and ask him."

"He's busy."

"It's Sunday. He should be off."

"Maybe he isn't," Tim said.

Delilah smiled. "Now, you're just making excuses and they're getting more lame by the second. Quit while you're ahead, Tim. Call Tony and ask about going on a road trip before I'm too big to fit in my chair. I swear that I'm getting bigger every day and that's only going to make it harder for me."

"I wish I could take some of that for you," Tim said.

"I wish you could, too," Delilah said. "But you can't. So stop avoiding what you _can_ do. Please?"

Tim took a breath and let it out.

"I need to finish cleaning up breakfast."

"Then, do it. I'll even keep Tommy out of your hair while you call."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Do it, Tim. You'll feel better."

"I don't think I will. I feel fine now."

"You will once you go on the trip and realize that you can still have fun with someone other than Tommy."

Tim smiled. "I have fun with you."

"Yes, and everyone can see the evidence of _that_ ," Delilah said, rubbing her stomach again. "Now, no more stalling. Finish your job and then call Tony."

"Okay, okay."

Tim turned back to the dishwasher and finished loading it. Then, he wiped down the griddle and the counters...and couldn't find anything else to wipe down.

So he grabbed his phone and sat down on the couch. He could hear Tommy pounding on the drum while Delilah shook the tambourine.

"Tommy, tell your dad to call his friend," he heard Delilah say.

"Daddy, call his friend!" Tommy parroted.

"I'm doing it!" Tim shouted back.

"I don't hear it," Delilah said.

"I'm dialing."

Finally, Tim punched in Tony's number, even though he had it in his contacts list, and called.

The phone rang a few times and went to voice mail.

" _This is Tony DiNozzo. Your call. Your dime. Leave a message."_

"Hey, Tony. It's Tim. I wanted to talk to you. Ask you something. Give me a call when you get the chance. I'm home all day. ...and Delilah still says she's never going to forgive you for the drum."

Tim hung up.

"He didn't answer. I left a message," Tim said. "Now, can I play, mother?"

Delilah laughed. "Yes. You may."

Tim got off the couch and wondered how long it would take for Tony to answer and whether or not he'd guess the reason for Tim's call.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Tony shook the water out of his hair and grabbed his towel. He decided that he liked this swimming thing. When Chaz had suggested he try it, Tony had scoffed at him. He wasn't a swimmer. He knew how to swim, but he wasn't a swimmer.

But he felt pretty good about this. Of course, there were some other perks to it that kept him coming.

He smiled at Jolene Kim, his swimming partner, as she finished her laps and got out of the pool.

"I beat you again, Jo," he said, grinning.

"You keep acting like being able to swim faster than someone a foot shorter than you is some amazing achievement, Tony," Jo said. "I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not. If we were neck and neck, you'd still win because your arms are longer."

"Short but muscular," Tony said, frankly admiring as she began squeezing water out of her hair which was currently black with shades of purple woven through it.

She looked up at him and smiled archly.

"You're no slouch yourself in the muscles department. And what you lack in technique, you make up for in enthusiasm."

Tony's grin became toothy.

"How widely does that description apply?" he asked.

"How widely do you _think_ it does?"

"I asked you first."

Jo walked over and brushed against him for a moment.

"You figure it out. I'm going to go shower. You'd better hurry. I'm always faster than you in the bathroom."

"You have less surface area to clean."

Jo laughed. "No. You just care too much about your appearance."

"Ha. This coming from a woman who changes her hair color nearly every day."

"Now you're exaggerating. Every few weeks at most. Temporary hair coloring is one of the greatest inventions ever. And I'm still faster than you in the bathroom. See you out front."

Then, she walked away, not trying to look sexy, but managing it anyway. Tony watched her until she was out of sight and then shook his head and headed into the men's dressing room. They had met at the pool after Tony had been coming for a few weeks. Because she was so short and generally looked young, at first, he had thought she was a high schooler and didn't even do more than glance in her direction. She _was_ a bit younger than he was, but she was still in her thirties, hardly the teenager he had first thought. In fact, after about a month, she had been the one to come up to him. Her hair had been shades of green that time.

At first, it had just been the fact that they both tended to be at the pool at the same time. Then, it had turned into brunch afterward. Their first actual date hadn't happened until just about a month ago. Realizing that he had a girlfriend had been almost a surprise. A pleasant surprise, but still a surprise. In fact, he hadn't told anyone about it yet. He'd be embarrassed by that if not for the fact that he knew Jo hadn't told anyone either. They were both being a little circumspect.

He showered quickly and went to his locker to change. Then, he checked himself in the mirror because, no matter what Jo said, he really did care about looking good. Nothing wrong with that.

Then, he pulled out his phone and was surprised to see a call from Tim. It was pretty early on a Sunday for Tim to be calling. He listened to the message and smiled.

Finally.

He was wondering if Tim would _ever_ bring up Route 66. There had been a few times when Tony had wanted to ask, but since he had told Tim he got to choose the time, he didn't want to go back on that. Given how sensitive Tim had been about the whole thing, he didn't want to make him even more self-conscious by putting too much pressure on him. He'd made that mistake already and he wasn't going to make it again.

Still, this was not a call he wanted to put off and give Tim a chance to secondguess himself. So as he walked out of the locker room, he called. It rang several times and Tony thought that maybe he'd missed Tim this time when there was a connection.

" _McGee,"_ Tim answered, sounding a little breathless.

"Hey, Tim. Do I get to start singing?" Tony asked.

There was a pause and Tony could hear Tommy squealing happily in the background. He didn't mention it because he didn't want to give Tim a chance to try and distract him, although it sounded like Tommy was doing his best to distract Tim.

" _No, Tommy. Just a minute. Daddy's talking on the phone."_

" _Tommy, come and show me,"_ Tony heard Delilah say in the background.

" _Daddy! Come see!"_ Tommy whined.

" _In a minute, Tommy. Sorry, Tony. What did you say?"_ Tim asked.

"What? You weren't listening?" Tony asked, with a chuckle.

" _You try having a three-year-old hanging on you and talking in your ear. You're lucky I even made it to the phone. What did you say?"_

"I asked if it was time for me to start singing."

" _Oh. Maybe."_

"Maybe? That's not very enthusiastic," Tony said. He saw Jo waiting for him and he walked over.

"Who are you talking to, Tony?" Jo asked.

"Just a minute. Come on, Tim."

Jo stepped close enough to him that she was almost speaking into the phone herself, although she had to get onto her tiptoes.

"Come on? Who are you talking to, Tony?" she asked, grinning.

"Knock it off," Tony said, trying to push her away.

" _Tony? Who was that?"_

"No one," Tony said.

" _That didn't sound like no one. That sounded like a woman. Where are you?"_

"Tony, I'm hungry," Jo said in a whining voice, laughing as Tony started poking her to get her to leave him alone.

"I'm trying to talk to a friend, Jo. Give me five minutes! You're not _that_ hungry."

Jo relented and stopped being annoying. Tony rolled his eyes at her. She was unrepentant.

" _Tony, who is that?"_ Tim asked again.

Tony turned away from Jo and walked a few steps away, feeling awkward.

"Just someone I know."

" _That sounded extremely unconvincing. Tony... are you dating someone?"_

"Yeah. Kinda."

" _Kind of? What does that mean?"_

" _Tony's dating someone?"_ came Delilah's excited voice.

" _Secret's out, Tony. Fess up."_

"Okay. I'm dating someone. But we haven't been dating for very long. We're still figuring things out. I met her at the pool."

" _The pool?"_

"Yeah. I started swimming a few months ago. Jo was swimming, too."

" _That's great, Tony. Why are you so embarrassed?"_

"Wasn't exactly in my plans."

" _Well, you were obviously ready. That's great. I hope it works out."_

"Me, too," Tony said. He looked over at Jo who pointed to her watch. He held up two fingers. "Now, you changed the subject."

" _Actually, I didn't. You did. Or your girlfriend did."_

"Road trip?" Tony asked, cutting through Tim's attempt.

" _Maybe."_

"Why maybe?"

" _Because I don't know if we can get off soon enough."_

"Because of Delilah?"

" _Yeah. And Route 66 is 2,000 miles, but it starts in Chicago. That's a lot longer, and I don't think we can get two weeks off. ...this time."_

Tony heard the hesitancy in mentioning their last road trip which was pretty much miserable all the way around. He didn't want to drag down the conversation by talking about that. He thought quickly and hit on a perfect idea.

"Okay. How about this? We fly to Chicago, rent a car, drive to L.A. and then fly back to D.C. Then, we'd only have the 2,000 miles to drive. We could do that in a week, and we could get that much time off. I haven't taken very many personal days and I know you haven't either."

" _But could we do it soon enough?"_

"Yes," Tony said. "We can if you stop worrying and just put in the request."

" _Are you sure you want to go?"_

Tony knew why Tim was asking. He hated it, but he knew why.

"Yes! I've been waiting for you to say you were ready. I told you it was your timetable, not mine, but I was on the verge of bugging you about it."

" _You don't have to pretend, Tony."_

"Tim, you're starting to irritate me. Other than the first time and last time, I've only gone on road trips with you because I wanted to. Since there's nothing traumatic going on in your life _or_ in mine, I'm just wanting to have some fun. Aren't you?"

" _Yeah."_ There was a pause. _"Having fun is still harder for me than it was. Do you still want to do this?"_

Tony smiled sympathetically. He knew that Tim was having a hard time with stuff like that, but this would be a great chance for him to just have some fun without any pressure.

He hoped.

"Yes, I do. So what do you say?"

" _Only if HR approves it in good time."_

"I'd hardly dare take you away from Delilah right before she has the baby."

" _I know. Okay. You give me dates and I'll submit the request tomorrow. All right?"_

"Sounds great! We'll have you singing 'Route 66' in no time! 'Get your kicks on Route 66!'"

" _If I start singing, you'll definitely change your mind,"_ Tim said, although Tony could hear the genuine humor in his voice this time.

"Oh, I've heard your singing before. I think I can handle it."

" _Not right now. Go have fun with your girlfriend,"_ Tim said.

"How widely are you going to spread that?"

" _Only as widely as you want me to...unless you're going to tell me that I have to keep it from Delilah. She already heard me and she's ecstatic."_

"I noticed," Tony said drily. "Just don't let it become gossip, okay?"

" _So don't tell Abby."_

"No. Do you see her much?"

" _No. I usually send my team to give her stuff when it's necessary."_

"Is she mad at you?"

" _I don't know. I've been avoiding her. You know how Abby can get and they say that she's never got over Gibbs' resignation. I had something to do with that."_

"No. Gibbs was the one responsible for his resignation. Not you. Anyway, you'll make the request?"

Tim cleared his throat and clearly tried to get back on topic.

" _Yeah. If you send me dates."_

"I'll do it tonight."

" _Okay. Now, I'd better hang up before Tommy yanks my arm off."_

Tony laughed.

"Okay. Talk to you later."

" _Enjoy your day,"_ Tim said, significantly.

"Oh, I will. Bye."

" _Bye."_

Tony hung up and walked back over to Jo.

"Are you embarrassed by me, Tony?" Jo asked, grinning.

"Are _you_ embarrassed by _me_ , Jo?" Tony asked in return. "I've noticed that you haven't shared much, either."

"Point taken. Let's go."

"Sounds good."

They headed to a nearby café for brunch. Tony knew that Jo was going to be curious about Tim, and he waited for her to ask. One thing he really appreciated about her was that Jo didn't assume Tony could read her mind and if she was curious, she asked the questions.

"So that sounded like a much more serious conversation than it should be with a road trip," Jo said.

"It's as serious as it has to be," Tony said.

"So...who is Tim?"

"He's a friend. We go on road trips every year or so. The last one was because he had a really bad experience and needed someone to get him to accept help."

Jo smiled. "And I can see that you'd be good at that."

Tony smiled back, but it was a little wistful. "Well, I didn't do everything right that time and we had a bit of strain. Tim still feels guilty about how hard it was and I think he's afraid that we won't be able to have fun."

"Do _you_ think you won't?"

"I think we will if Tim can just relax a bit, but I _know_ that we won't if we don't try it."

"So I take it this is a guy thing?"

"Yes. Sorry, but Tim's married and his wife is both paralyzed and pregnant. She won't be coming and it would be _really_ awkward if I brought my girlfriend along."

"Okay, okay." There was a flash of comprehension on her face. "Oh, this is the guy you spent Christmas with, then."

"Yeah."

"Your surrogate family. I get it. That's cool. I won't try to embarrass you, then."

"Thanks," Tony said.

"So why haven't you told anyone about us?" Jo asked. She was very straightforward, and there was no implication of irritation, either.

"Mostly because I want to make sure this is going to work out, first," Tony said, trying to be honest. "I've had some pretty bad experiences with relationships in the past. Some, my fault. Some, not. You should feel flattered. You're the first person I've dated in years."

"So it's caution, then?"

"Yeah. How about you? I know you have family. Real family."

Jo smiled.

"Mostly because, at this point, I can see two ways my parents could react to this. First, they could react like the worst Asian stereotype ever and be angry that you dared ask me on a date without their permission."

"I could have done that..." Tony began.

"No. I'm thirty-six years old. I haven't lived at home for years. I have my own job, make my own money...and date who I want. And they know it."

"So what's the second?" Tony asked.

"Second, they could mortify me by asking when you were going to marry me and give them grandchildren," Jo said, actually coloring slightly. "I've had my own share of bad relationship choices and they're getting desperate."

Tony chuckled.

"So we'll both make that decision for ourselves, then?" he asked.

"Sounds like a good idea," Jo said. She lifted her coffee cup and toasted him.

Tony touched his coffee cup to hers and she grinned.

"So, I've wanted to ask you what got you started swimming?"

"What makes you think I haven't always been a swimmer?" Tony asked.

"Like I said, what you lack in technique, you make up for in enthusiasm...but you lack in technique."

"Ha. Well, I was thinking I needed to do something to make sure the job didn't become my whole life. It's easy to do. I've had some examples of that, and I decided that I didn't want that for myself. One of my friends at work suggested that I try swimming. I thought it was ridiculous, but I'll try almost anything once." Then, Tony grinned. "And I got some great benefits from it."

"Like me?"

"Mostly you. My technique really hasn't improved," Tony said. "So how about you? Why did you start swimming?"

"Actually, it was my parents' fault," Jo said, but her smile was grateful not resentful. "I've been swimming since high school. Never in a competition or anything like that. I wasn't on a team. It was my therapy."

"For what?" Tony asked.

"I was in a car accident in high school. Oh, it wasn't my fault. I wasn't driving, and I wasn't involved in anything that led to it, but I was one of the few who survived it."

"Oh. I see."

"Yeah. It's not a surprise at all," Jo said. "I felt like my whole life had been ruined. I was a teenager and all those teenage hormones and absolutes. Well, my parents decided that I wasn't going to be that way. They woke me up early one morning and told me that I was going to start swimming. I was an obedient daughter."

"You? Obedient?" Tony asked in mock amazement.

Jo smacked his arm.

"Hey, my story! No interrupting!" she said with a smile.

"Sorry."

"You're forgiven. They took me to the local community pool and made me swim ten laps. They said that when I finished ten laps, I could stop. The faster I finished those ten laps, the sooner I could go back to brooding." She laughed. "So I started swimming faster, and then, they proved how devious they were and when I got fast enough at ten laps, they upped it to twenty laps and then thirty. And then... I realized that I was thinking about other things and I wasn't thinking that my life was over. And it wasn't that they didn't let me grieve for my friends who had died. It was that they taught me to see that there's still a life to live. So I've tried to keep it up. I couldn't always get to a pool when I was in college and grad school. I was too busy, but since I've been here in Norfolk, I've rarely missed a week of swimming." Then, she grinned. "And I'll admit that I've seen some pretty nice benefits from it, too."

"I completely agree," Tony said, admiring her figure.

Jo smiled and swatted him lightly on the arm.

"You're lucky I like you, Tony. Any other guy giving me those looks would get more than a light swat."

"Just remember that I didn't make the first overtures. That was you."

"Only because you had decided I must be sixteen instead of thirty-six."

"It's not my fault you're so short."

"It's not my fault, either," Jo said, continuing the light-hearted bickering. "I didn't ask for my parents' genetics. Koreans aren't exactly known for their height, and my parents don't even hit the average."

"Well, what you lack in height, you make up for in enthusiasm," Tony said, teasingly.

"Oh, touché, Tony."

They finished their brunch, paid the bill and headed out of the café.

"So are you busy this week or will I see you before Sunday?" Jo asked.

"I don't know yet," Tony said. "There have been rumors of some kind of internal audit coming down the pike. If that starts up this week, I may not have any extra time. But if that fizzles out, then, I should...as long as..."

"...as you don't get a case, I know."

Jo grabbed Tony's arm and pulled him low enough for her to kiss him on the cheek.

"Then, give me a call when you know. And if it doesn't work out, then, I'll see you on Sunday."

"Sounds good," Tony said.

"See you later," Jo said and headed for the light rail stop that was close to the café.

Tony walked to his car and drove home, happy for the lazy Sunday he had ahead of him.

...but first, he had to make a decision on what days they'd ask for. Tim seemed worried enough about Delilah that he wouldn't put it off too far. It would be hard enough for Tim to have fun without him worrying about Delilah going into labor while they were gone.

This was going to be fun. No hidden agendas, just fun. A chance to get all the bitter memories of the last trip wiped away and replaced with the fun of Route 66.

As he leaned over his calendar, Tony started whistling...and then, quietly, began to sing.

"Won't you get hip to this timely tip:  
When you make that California trip  
Get your kicks on Route sixty-six."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Tim hung up the phone, feeling a little bit stunned. Tony had a girlfriend? A real live girlfriend? Someone who apparently wasn't at all associated with NCIS...or _any_ law enforcement? He'd said he met her at the pool and that didn't mean she couldn't be a cop herself, but still, Tony hadn't mentioned that.

"Daddy, come and see!" Tommy said for the millionth time.

Tim let himself be dragged over to the stack of blocks that he had been building with Tommy before Tony's call.

"See?" Tommy said.

"Tommy, I helped you build this. Remember?" Tim said.

"No, Daddy! Look!" Tommy said, pointing at a single blue block sitting on top of all the other blocks.

"He did it without knocking the stack over," Delilah said.

"Good job, Tommy," Tim said, smiling. "How much higher do you want to go?"

"To the sky!"

"We don't have enough blocks for that, Tommy," Delilah said.

"Okay," Tommy said. He considered it for a moment and began swiping at the blocks, knocking the stack over in seconds.

"Tommy, you toppled the tower," Tim said, laughing.

Tommy just laughed happily and began kicking the blocks.

"Remember that you have to help clean up the blocks, too," Tim said. "If you kick them far away, you have to pick them up."

Tim looked around the living room. It looked like Tommy's toy box had exploded. There were blocks and animals and the drum set and colorful toys of all shapes and sizes littering the floor.

"Boy, this place is a mess, isn't it," Tim said.

"You act like that's somehow different from any other Sunday," Delilah said.

"True enough," Tim said. "Okay, Tommy. We need to pick up some of these toys before you get anything else out."

"Marbles!" Tommy shouted.

"After we pick up the blocks," Tim said.

"Marbles, Daddy! I wanna play marbles!"

"After we pick up the blocks," Tim said again. He grabbed the box that normally held the blocks and put it on the floor near the largest pile. "I'll help, but you need to get all the ones you kicked."

"Mommy, help, too!" Tommy said, tugging on Delilah's hand.

"Mommy can't help right now," Tim said.

"Mommy, help!"

"Actually, Tim, if you help me get down on the floor and back up after, then, I'll help," Delilah said.

Tim looked at her with a bit of concern. He knew how hard it was getting for her to move around. Normally, she could get in and out of her chair easily to play with Tommy on the floor, but not now.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Tim," Delilah said firmly. "Don't hold me back before I need to be."

"Okay. I'm sorry," Tim said.

"Don't be," Delilah said, with an understanding smile. "Just remember that, paralyzed or not, women have been having babies for a _long_ time. I know what I can handle."

Tim nodded and stood up.

"Tommy, make a spot for your mom to sit on the floor, okay?"

Quickly, Tommy began pushing the blocks away from a place right by the box. Not picking them up, just pushing them further away from the box than they had been. Tim rolled his eyes and lifted up from her chair and helped her settle on the floor without having to bend over.

"That good?" he asked.

Delilah nodded.

"Okay, Tommy, let's get this stuff cleaned up and then you can play with the marbles," she said.

"Marbles!" Tommy said happily and began throwing the blocks enthusiastically into the box, missing half the time.

Delilah retrieved the blocks that missed the box and Tim picked up some of the stuffed animals, shoving them back into the toy box.

"Daddy! Done! I want the marbles!" Tommy said.

"Okay. Delilah, do you want to get back in your chair?"

He could see her trying to decide whether it was worth it to stay on the floor. She'd have to have Tim help her move somewhere she could lean back or just get in her chair which would be a lot easier. He knew that she hated missing out on playing with Tommy because of her pregnancy.

"Help me over by the couch, Tim," she said.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Who knows how many more times I'll be able to do this for the next few months?"

"Okay. Tommy, we're going to set the marbles up by the couch so that Mommy can play with you, too."

"Yea!" Tommy said, happily.

Carefully, Tim helped Delilah maneuver over to the couch. He had Tommy put a cushion in the floor for her to sit on. When she was situated as comfortably as possible, Tim got out the marbles and the little track that had belonged to Delilah's grandfather. When Tommy was born, he had given it to her, telling Tim that Delilah had spent hours playing with it. It was a very simple concept. All it had was a single track that zig-zagged back and forth until the marble came out at the bottom. It was made of wood and metal and was very old.

Tommy loved it, and so did Delilah. It reminded her of her own childhood.

So for a few minutes, they were just helping Tommy put the marbles on the track. Then, Delilah looked at him.

"So...what did she sound like?" she asked.

"Who?" Tim asked, distracted.

"Tony's girlfriend, of course!"

"I only heard her speak a couple of times. She sounded like she was laughing."

"Good. Tony needs someone happy in his life."

Tim looked up at her and furrowed his brow.

"Tony does have quite a few friends, you know."

"Yes, I know, but he needs someone _in_ his life, not just as part of his life. I hope she's what he wants."

"He seemed a little embarrassed, actually," Tim said.

"Well, you can tell him that I'm going to start grilling him the next time he comes over. And he'd better have a picture with him."

"Speaking of that, how much longer are you going to keep it a secret?" Tim asked.

Delilah smiled. "If he doesn't guess the next time he comes, I'll be surprised."

"I don't know. Tony might not be the kind of guy who would pay attention," Tim said, smiling.

"Granted. Well, if he doesn't guess, we'll tell him."

"Okay."

Tim picked up a handful of marbles and put them all on the track. Tommy put his hand out and stopped them.

"Tommy, you're blocking the marbles," Tim said, smiling.

"It's a red light, Daddy."

"How do I change it to a green light?" Tim asked. "Wait. I think I know."

He crawled over to Tommy and grabbed him and started tickling him. Tommy shrieked with laughter and the marbles started rolling again. After a few seconds, Tim let Tommy go and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, Tommy," he said.

"Love you, Daddy!"

Then, Tommy ran to Delilah and kissed her on the cheek.

"Love you, Mommy!"

"I love you, Tommy," Delilah said.

Then, Tommy went back to the marbles again.

"When will you know the dates?" Delilah asked.

"When Tony sends them to me. He said he'd do it today."

"I'm sure he will. Tim, I was thinking."

Tim smiled a little. "Oh, that's scary."

She smacked him lightly.

"Hush. You're going to worry about leaving me. Aren't you."

"Yeah, probably," Tim said. It didn't seem to be logical to deny what they both knew.

"Then, how about this. Once you guys know when you're going, I'll call my mother and she can come and stay for the week you're gone. She's been wanting to come anyway, and that way you'll know that I have someone here. And she'll get to fuss over me in a way I don't usually let her do."

"Won't your mom think I'm just abandoning you to go and play?"

Delilah reached out and squeezed his hand. "No, she won't. My parents _know_ how much you love me, Tim. They've never doubted it." Then, she grinned. "And if she dared say anything like that to me, I'd give her a piece of my mind. _I'm_ telling you to go, and I'm your wife, not my mother. So I don't care what she thinks and neither should you."

Tim squeezed her hand back. He had to admit that he did really like the idea that someone would be here with Delilah when he wasn't, just in case.

"Okay."

"Good. I won't call her until we know for sure that you're going."

"All right."

Suddenly, Tommy ran up behind Tim and jumped on his back. Tim grunted a bit in surprise.

"Give me a piggy back, Daddy!"

Tim looked at Delilah.

"I'll be glad when I can let him attack you again," he said. "I'm not sure I like being the only human toy he gets to play with."

"So there's _some_ benefit to being pregnant," Delilah said.

"Very funny."

Tim got up and ran around the house a few times with Tommy's arms wound tightly around his neck. Then, it was back to the marbles again until Delilah decided that she needed to go and lay down for a while. They picked up the marbles and then Tim helped Delilah get back in her chair (and Tommy tried to help, too). She rolled herself into the bedroom and got onto the bed. Tim closed the door to keep some of the noise out and give her time alone, and then he and Tommy went into the backyard to play. The yard wasn't large, but it had a little slide and a couple of trees and some grass.

They played until Tim felt he had sufficiently tired out his son. Then, it was back inside to force Tommy to take a nap. Delilah still hadn't got up. So Tim got Tommy some lunch and then made him get on his bed and lay down. Whether or not he would actually sleep was questionable, but sometimes, he would.

After that, Tim poked his head in the bedroom and saw that Delilah was actually sleeping herself. She probably hadn't been before, and he didn't begrudge her a nap. He didn't want to disturb her, so he went out to the living room again. He lay down on the couch, feeling tired out by all the playing he'd done with his son.

Delilah was right that Tim should spend time with more people than his three-year-old son, but he still had problems with that and the only person outside of work that he really interacted with regularly was Tony. Even Ducky and Jimmy were only rarely visited. He hadn't really seen Abby in a year or more. Tim knew it was mostly on his side, not theirs (well, maybe not with Abby), but no matter what Tony said, it was partially Tim's fault that Gibbs was no longer at NCIS and he didn't feel guilty about that, but he knew that the others might think he should. Tim had no idea what Gibbs _was_ doing, but he'd made no effort to find out. He didn't want to know.

Maybe a nap would help him, too. He stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes. After a few silent minutes, he grabbed his phone and turned on some soothing music. Then, he closed his eyes again and tried to relax.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony looked over his plan. He didn't like planning things, but when planes were involved, some planning was necessary, unfortunately. He had to plan when they'd get to Chicago and when they'd get to L.A.

But he figured that, if they flew out on a Saturday night, got started on a Sunday morning, they could easily fly back on the following Saturday night and have one day to recover before going back to work. Decision made, he selected a week about three weeks away to give Tim time to worry about it and HR time to decide that they weren't going to be snotty about it.

Then, he quickly sent Tim an email with the dates. His task finished, he decided that he wanted to be a little fancy for a late lunch/early dinner. He got out a cookbook and started looking through the recipes. Then, he smiled and pulled out his phone.

"Hey, Jo."

" _Tony, surprised to hear from you already."_

"Well, I decided that I want to cook for dinner tonight and it's always easier to cook for two than for one. You want to come and join me?"

" _You're offering to cook for me?"_

"Yes, and while you might not believe it, I'm pretty good at it," Tony said, smiling. "If you're busy, that's fine. The leftovers will be my lunch tomorrow."

" _Oh, you're not weaseling out of it that easy. You invited me for a meal, and I'm coming! In fact, don't start cooking until I get there. I want to see you in action."_

Tony laughed. "Okay. Now, I feel all this pressure to perform."

" _You've never had problems performing,"_ Jo said. _"I think it's second nature. But I'm not a great cook, so maybe you could give me some pointers."_

"Deal. See you in a few."

Tony hung up and went back to his cookbook until his phone dinged at him, indicating an email. He looked at it and grinned at Tim's quick reply.

 _That sounds fine. Delilah said to tell you that she'll force me to submit my request first thing tomorrow. Also, she said that you'd better have a picture of your girlfriend when you come by next. ...and we have something to tell you when you come._

 _Tim_

"Something to tell me?" Tony repeated. He sent a quick response.

 _What do you have to tell me? Why wait?_

There was a ding back after a few seconds.

 _You'll just have to be patient. It's a surprise. :)_

Tony shook his head.

 _Fine. Be that way. I probably won't get over to DC until we go, you know._

A few seconds later, there was a ding and a reply.

 _That's okay. It'll still apply then, too._

Tony was now extremely curious, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to swing a trip to DC until they had their time off, so he just decided he'd have to wait.

 _Just make sure you get that request in, Tim. I'm not doing a road trip by myself._

A reply a few seconds later.

 _I wouldn't dream of not doing it._

After that, Tony turned to his kitchen and started pulling out the ingredients to make lasagne. It might take a longer than regular pasta...but that would keep Jo around longer. He grinned to himself and figured this would be an evening well spent.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _Three weeks later..._

Tony pulled up to Tim's house, ready to begin the road trip. ...well, almost. They still had to fly to Chicago, but the trip was about to begin and he was excited for it. A little apprehensive, wondering if Tim would let himself have fun, but he was excited.

He got out of the car and started toward the front door.

It opened before he was halfway up the sidewalk. The excited squeal warned him as Tommy rushed out of the house and came barreling toward him.

"Tony!" he shouted.

Tony set his bag on the ground and held out his hands. He grabbed Tommy when he reached him and lifted him up in the air and then tossed him higher and caught him.

"Again, Tony! Again!"

Tony laughed and threw him up in the air again.

"Tony, please don't kill my son."

Tony caught Tommy and looked at Tim who was looking only slightly concerned.

"I'd never miss catching him," Tony said. He set Tommy down and watched as he ran back to Tim and hugged him around the legs before dashing inside the house.

It was still nice to see Tim so at ease and smiling without that shadow, and he'd always loved seeing Tim as a dad.

"Come on in, Tony. I hope you brought a picture of your girlfriend," Tim said. "If you forgot..."

"I wouldn't dare, not after getting my orders. Jo thought it was funny."

"Good. Then, I'll let you in. Delilah's mom is coming tonight, around the time we're leaving."

Then, the sound of a drum wafted out the windows.

"He's still at it?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Tim said, grimly.

Tony laughed. "You just have a musician on your hands. Maybe he'll be a jazz musician."

"Yeah...maybe."

"Oh, you love it. So was her arrival time planned?" Tony asked.

"You're the one who picked the flight times," Tim said. "Delilah didn't tell her mom so far as I know."

They went inside, and Tony got his first look at Delilah in a few months. He was more than a little surprised.

"Delilah, are you going to fit in your chair by the end?" he asked.

Delilah rolled her eyes.

"Tony, don't you know you're not supposed to tell a woman she looks fat?"

"You don't look fat. You look pregnant. _Very_ pregnant."

Delilah chuckled. "That's not helping."

"Seriously, though. When are you due? Tomorrow?"

"I still have three more months, although I won't make it that far." Then, she looked at Tim and grinned. Tim smiled knowingly back.

"Okay. What's that look for? What's going on?" Tony asked.

"I told you he wouldn't guess," Tim said.

"Guess what?" Tony asked. "Come on! You can't leave me out of my ignorance!"

"There's a reason I'm already so big," Delilah said, laughing.

"What's that?"

"We're expecting twins," Tim said.

Tony looked back and forth between Tim and Delilah.

"What?"

"Twins," Delilah said. "Two. Girls, this time."

Tony didn't know what to say. He just gaped.

"Tony, twins aren't as shocking as you seem to think. Lots of people have twins."

"Yeah, but..." Tony began and then stopped.

"...but most people aren't in a wheelchair," Delilah finished.

"Yeah."

"We didn't plan on twins," Tim said. "We wanted Tommy to have a sibling, but we never considered twins as a possibility. There aren't any twins in my family or in Delilah's."

Delilah smiled teasingly. "I thought Tim was going to pass out during that first ultrasound when the doctor said there was more than one heartbeat. He was white as a sheet."

"I'm surprised you didn't," Tony said, grinning.

"It was a near thing," Tim said. "I was lucky enough to be sitting down."

"So why not tell anyone?"

"We told our parents, but we didn't want to share it out too soon," Delilah said.

"It was so hard for her with Tommy that we weren't sure we wanted to put her through it again at all," Tim said more seriously. "In the end, we decided to try for it one more time...and we weren't ready for twins."

"They'll come early. Tommy was early, and twins are _usually_ early. My doctor is already talking about putting me on bed rest to let them get as far as possible. For single babies, there's not much research that supports bed rest helping, but there is some for twins and with my tendency to have babies early anyway... Well, that's why this trip had to happen now. Another couple of weeks and I'll be confined to my bed in the hopes of getting past seven months. I'm on leave from work already."

"Wow. Are you sure you want to do this?" Tony asked, turning to Tim.

...but it was Delilah who answered.

"Yes, he is. And so am I. I want this to happen, and it can. It's only a week, and my mom will be here."

Tim smiled, but Tony could see that there was _some_ concern, not that he was surprised by that. This was a different situation from when Delilah was pregnant with Tommy. She was much further along and the twins was an added complication. Still, it was clear that Delilah was determined to have Tim going on this road trip. That was probably why Delilah's mom was going to be here while they were gone.

To help Tim have fun.

"Well, are you packed, Tim?"

"Yes. Delilah didn't have to do it for me this time," Tim said.

Another reference to the last road trip. Tony hoped that there wouldn't be too many of them. He knew how much Tim hated what had happened. Better to leave it to the side as much as they could.

"I don't think I could this time," Delilah said, rubbing her stomach. "Bending over isn't really happening much for me at this point."

Tony smiled at how matter-of-fact Delilah was about it. That was the kind of thing Tim needed to keep him from worrying. In fact, if Delilah gave any indication that things might not be okay, Tony knew that Tim would completely back out of the trip, just so that he could be with her when she might need him.

"Now, let's get to something more important," Delilah said. "Tell me about your girlfriend!"

"You look almost possessive," Tony said, grinning.

"No. I just want you to find someone who is perfect for you. You deserve that, Tony."

Tony shrugged at the sentiment. He appreciated it, but he didn't know how to respond.

"So...is she?" Delilah asked.

She started to wheel herself over to the couch, but she winced suddenly. Without saying anything, Tim grasped the handles and pushed the chair. Tony saw Delilah trying to decide whether she was touched by Tim's care or annoyed that she needed it. Someone as independent as Delilah was in normal circumstances had a hard time giving up that, even temporarily.

"Is she what?" Tony asked, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

"Perfect, of course," Delilah said, deciding to smile.

Tony sat down on the couch, while Tim sat on a chair beside Delilah. Tony smiled as Delilah reached out and squeezed Tim's hand.

"Well, nobody is perfect," Tony said.

"Oh, come on," Delilah said. "Tell me! I really want to know."

"Okay. Her name is Jolene Kim, but she goes by Jo. Her parents are from South Korea, but she grew up here. She's a foot shorter than I am, and we met at the pool. Is that enough?"

"Did you bring a picture?"

"Would I dare not?" Tony asked. "I couldn't disappoint a pregnant woman. That's just mean."

Delilah laughed and held out her hand. Tony brought up the pictures he'd taken of Jo at their last Sunday brunch and handed his phone to Delilah. Jo had just changed her hair to black with white and blue tips.

"Funky hair," Delilah said.

"She changes the color all the time. She says that there's a type of hair coloring that only lasts a few weeks and doesn't really damage your hair. She loves it."

"Sounds like you know all about it," Delilah said.

"She tells me every time she changes it. I've heard it a lot. I'll bet she doesn't even remember her real hair color," Tony said. "So have you decided on names?"

"Wait," Delilah said. "I'm not done yet. What does she do for a living?"

"She works for a nonprofit," Tony said. "It's focused on finding affordable housing. She's one of those people who can yell at important people and get away with it."

Tim laughed.

"Is that what she does?"

"Based on what she says, yes," Tony said. "She rants about stupid committee people all the time."

"So...how is it going?" Delilah asked. "Things getting serious? Are you headed for more than dating?"

"Delilah," Tim said. "That's not really our business until he's ready to share."

Tony knew that Tim was trying to give Tony a little privacy for something he hadn't been ready to do in a long time, and he appreciated it, but he _was_ ready to share.

"It's okay, Tim," he said. "It is getting serious. How serious...I don't know. Yet. We've only been really dating for a couple of months, but I've known her for about six months so far. We're taking our time. Neither of us are in a rush."

"That's good," Delilah said. "I really am happy for you, Tony. Maybe you could bring her around to meet the family." Then, she looked at her stomach. "Maybe in a few months."

Tony laughed. "Sure. But have you decided on names?"

"No. We're still arguing about it," Tim said.

"Arguing?"

Then, Tim did something that was far too rare still.

He made a joke.

"I've been telling her that we should continue her parents' tradition and name one of them Jezebel, who was eaten by dogs, and the other Salome, the woman who got John the Baptist beheaded, but she's against it for some reason."

Tony guffawed loudly and that attracted Tommy's attention. He abandoned the drum and came running into the room.

"Tony, play with me! Build towers!"

"Just a minute, Tommy," Tony said.

"Tony, play with me!" Tommy said again and tugged on his hand.

"Tommy, you need to wait," Tim said. He pulled Tommy over and forced him to sit on his lap where he started whining and squirming. "Two minutes, Tommy. That's it."

"No!" Tommy whined.

"Tommy, we're talking right now," Delilah said. "If you wait, you can play with Tony before he and Daddy leave. If you get in trouble now, you'll have to go and sit on a chair."

Tommy quieted down, but he looked resentful. Tony had wanted to say that he could play and talk at the same time, but he didn't want to interfere with teaching Tommy that he had to be patient.

"So do you have some options?" Tony asked. Then, he grinned at Tim. "Serious options?"

"Those _are_ serious options," Tim said, grinning.

"We're looking at some traditional names," Delilah said, giving Tim a mock glare. "I don't want to go for the weird spellings or unique combinations of letters that are only names because the parents have said they are."

"Are you going to do rhyming names?" Tony asked.

"I don't know," Tim said. "We can't decide because we don't want them to be considered copies of each other. Even though they're twins, they'll be two different people with different personalities, different interests, different lives. But at the same time, they're twins."

"So what do you have so far?"

"Jane or Hannah or Rachel," Delilah said.

"Katherine, Anna, Rebecca," Tim added. "We could keep going, but we hope we have plenty of time to decide."

"And you know they're both girls?"

"Yes. That part we're sure of."

"Okay, Tommy," Tony said, looking at his watch. "I have ten minutes to play."

Tommy started pulling away from Tim.

"No throwing the blocks this time, okay?" Tim asked.

"No throwing blocks," Tommy repeated.

Tim let him go and Tommy ran over to his box of blocks and started pulling it over. Tony got up to help and paused as Delilah winced and started rubbing her stomach.

"Sorry, Tony. I've got to go and lay down. These girls just won't settle down tonight." Delilah looked over at Tim. "Would you help me get into bed, Tim?"

"Of course."

Delilah skewered Tony with a look. "Make sure you at least say good-bye before you go. I'm not going to sleep just yet."

"Of course."

"Good."

Tony watched as Tim pushed Delilah back to their bedroom. He was halfway tempted to say that this could all wait until after the babies were born, but he could also see that Delilah wouldn't have any of that. So he focused on helping Tommy build towers and then let him knock them down again. Tommy focused very hard on getting the towers built, but then, when they were done, he took great glee in causing them to topple.

Tim came out a few minutes later.

"So how is she doing really?" Tony asked.

"About what you saw," Tim said, kneeling on the floor beside Tommy.

He started to build another tower.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning it's getting harder and she can't get around on her own very easily anymore. And it really bugs her to have to have help with things she can normally do herself. The hardest thing is that she can't bend over or twist at all anymore and those are things she needs to do to get in and out of her chair and everything else. But the doctor says that she's healthy and the twins are developing fine. It's just a matter of how long we can postpone the day they're born. The longer we can wait, the better it will be for the twins."

"And for Delilah?"

Tim smiled. "For Delilah, if it was just her, she'd have them right now and get it over with, but she wants to give them the best chance she can. The longer we can wait, the more developed they'll be. We know they'll have to be in the NICU, but we want that to be as short a stay as possible. So she'll accept the restrictions now for a better outcome later."

"So...are you sure about doing this, Tim? I had no idea," Tony said. "We can wait. There'd be some fees for cancelling so close to the departure time, but..."

Tim looked at him and shook his head. "No. Delilah really wants this for me. Unless she suddenly went into labor right now, she'd never accept me putting it off. I do want to go. It's just a matter of wanting..."

"...to be in two places at the same time."

"Yeah," Tim said.

"That's what you said in Alaska, too."

"Is it?" Tim asked. "I'd forgotten that."

"I can't believe you forgot such a deep conversation that we had in the middle of a rain storm after Alaska tried to kill us."

Tim laughed and the rather serious mood lightened.

"Believe it or not, Tony, I don't really make an effort to memorize everything I've ever said."

"I didn't think it would take a big-brained guy like you much of an effort at all."

Whatever Tim might have responded was forgotten at the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Tim smiled.

"Tommy, guess who's here," Tim said.

"Gamma!" Tommy shrieked.

"That's right. Let's go meet her, okay?"

Tommy looked at the tower Tim had built and the one Tony had built. Then, he knocked them both over and took off for the front door.

"Slow down, Tommy," Tim said and jumped up to grab him before he could get out the door.

He reached Tommy just in time and then opened the door right as Delilah's mother knocked.

"Gamma!" Tommy shrieked again.

She knelt down. "Hello, Thomas! Can I have a kiss?"

Tommy reached up and kissed her on the cheek. She returned it and then stood up.

"I didn't know you'd still be here, Tim. I thought you'd be catching your plane."

"You got here sooner than I thought you would, Virginia," Tim said. "Delilah's in bed, but she just barely lay down and she's definitely not sleeping yet."

"Excellent. Well, I'd best go in and let her know that she's not in charge for the next week," Virginia said and smiled with just a bit of mischief. Then, she looked over at Tony. "Nice to see you again, Tony."

"Likewise," Tony said, chuckling, as Tim walked back over to the destroyed towers and began picking up the blocks.

"Would you have left before she got here?" he asked.

"Only if it was absolutely necessary," Tim said.

"Good answer. It's going to be necessary soon."

"I know. There's just one thing I need to do."

"Say good-bye to Delilah?"

"Well, that, too."

"Go to the bathroom?"

"Tony!"

Tony laughed. "What?"

"Last time, Tommy didn't understand why I couldn't be here. So this time, I made a calendar and Delilah is going to help him mark off each day so that he knows when I'm getting back."

"Do you need that, too?"

Tim smiled. "No. I'm good." He took a breath. "Let me do my thing. It's taking forever to get this started."

"It's a lot more complicated than it was before. I get it. Don't worry."

"Worry is my middle name nowadays," Tim said. "There's always something to worry about. Whether it's my job, my wife, or my life in general."

"Well, stop worrying for the next week. No worries. That's the rule."

They both stood up.

"Oh, come on, Tony. Don't make me start by breaking the rules before we even get in the car!"

Tony laughed and smacked Tim on the shoulder.

"Just get your touchy-feely family stuff done so we can get moving."

"Okay."

Tim picked up the box of blocks and put it away. Then, he went into his bedroom. Tony followed along behind.

"We're going to head out, Delilah," Tim said. "You still okay?"

Delilah was lying on her back in bed, with her legs propped up. She rolled her eyes.

"Tim, things have not changed in the last twenty minutes. Go and have fun. And call me."

Tim walked over and kissed her.

"I promise."

"And more important than calling me, have fun." She looked at Tony. "Both of you. Have fun."

Tony saluted and smiled.

"I'll try," Tim said. Then, he looked at Tommy who seemed a bit confused. "Okay, Tommy. It's time to get out the calendar. Do you remember?"

Tommy's face scrunched up as he thought about it.

"Do you have it, Delilah?" Tim asked.

"It's in my drawer. Mom, could you?"

Virginia reached over and pulled a homemade calendar out of the drawer and handed it to Tim. Tim knelt on the floor by Tommy and Tony smiled as Tim carefully showed Tommy the day they were on and the day he'd be back.

"So you can mark it off each day with Mommy, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Good. Give me a hug and a kiss," Tim said.

Instantly, Tommy threw himself at Tim and hugged and kissed him. Tim hugged him tightly and then picked up his bag.

"Okay, Tony. Let's go."

"Are you sure you can leave?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Delilah said from bed. "Because I'll kick him out if he doesn't."

Tony laughed.

"We've got our marching orders, Tim."

"Okay."

They left the bedroom and headed for the front door.

"Tim, one thing before you leave."

Tim stopped at the door and turned around. Virginia had followed them out of the room.

"Yes?"

She walked over and hugged Tim tightly.

"Don't worry, Tim. I know you will, but don't. I'm here and I want you to go and have some fun."

"Thanks," Tim said softly.

Then, Virginia let him go and patted him on the cheek.

"Now, don't miss your flight."

"We won't."

"And I'll reiterate what my daughter said, both of you, have fun."

They left the house.

"You ready for this, Tim?" Tony asked.

"I hope so. Are you?" Tim asked.

"Yes, absolutely. I can't wait!"

"I guess that's why you're having us take a red-eye flight to Chicago."

"Yep. Got to get going while the getting's good."

They went and got into Tony's car.

"This is going to be fun, Tim. You just have to relax and let it _be_ fun."

"I'm going to try."

"In the immortal words of Yoda, Do or do not. There is no try."

Tim grinned. "So...you're saying I should just go back inside?"

"Nope. You're in the car. I'm putting it in gear. It's too late to turn back now."

Tony grinned back and was glad that Tim was smiling.

"Now, let's go catch our flight and then, we can get our kicks on Route 66!"

"Please don't tell me that you're going to keep singing that song all through the trip," Tim said.

Tony pulled away from the curb and started for the airport.

"Did you know that there are no fewer than 192 covers of the Nat King Cole original?"

Tim's eyes widened.

"Tony, please tell me that you're not planning on making me listen to the same song over and over for the next week. I don't think I could take that."

"Oh, no. I only bought 20 versions."

"What?!"

Tony laughed. "I promise that we won't have to listen to it all the time, but at least at the beginning and end of the road...and a few times in between. Okay?"

"Well...that's better than all 192 versions," Tim said, doubtfully.

"It's Route 66, Tim. We have to have the song in our heads the entire time."

"Oh, no," Tim moaned.

"Perfect attitude! Chicago awaits, Probie! Let's go!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Rise and shine, Tim!"

The voice intruded on a sleep that had been far too short. Tim cracked opened his eyes and squinted in the lamp light.

"I saw that, Tim! Rise and shine!"

"Not if the sun isn't up," Tim grumbled and closed his eyes again.

...before considering the wisdom of willingly letting Tony have free reign.

"If we wait for the sun to come up, we'll never get out of Chicago, Tim! And we have to start at the beginning of Route 66 to get our kicks appropriately!"

Tim groaned.

"Tony, you are already grinding that song into the ground. I'm going to go nuts if you keep singing it all week."

"I'll stop if you get up... at least, I'll stop for _now_."

Tim groaned again and opened his eyes. Tony was already up and dressed. How could he be so chipper so early?

"You are way too happy about it being this early," Tim said as he sat up, blinking in the light from the lamp.

"Like I said, if we don't get out of Chicago early, we won't get out of Chicago. We do have a limited time table unfortunately, Tim. So grumble all you want, but get out of bed and into the bathroom so we can get moving!"

Tim finally let Tony urge him out of bed. It wasn't that he didn't know Tony was right, but he had not really thought about the fact that they were in downtown Chicago on a Sunday and they needed to get moving. It wasn't as bad as if they had been here on a Monday, but still...

He did his business in the bathroom, got dressed and came back out feeling more alert.

"You're driving first," he said, still feeling petulant about getting up so early.

"Fine by me," Tony said. "But we have one stop to make before we really start driving."

"What's that?"

Tony smiled. "You'll see. It's a surprise. ...but it's a good one. I promise."

"Tony, it's still dark outside. What in the world are we going to see? Nothing's going to be open right now, either. At least nothing that I want to go to."

"You'll see, Probie. Just wait."

Tim looked around the room to see if he'd got everything. They'd decided to stay in a fairly nice hotel very close to what they had decided would be the beginning of their journey. Route 66 was different from Highway 50 in a lot of ways, but one was that much of it no longer existed. They were piecing together the route based on what they'd found on a few websites, but the highway had been decommissioned and so they wouldn't actually be on Route 66 for a lot of the trip. In a way, it was disappointing, but it also gave them some freedom to choose what they wanted to do.

So, right now, they were packing up to begin their drive from the Art Institute of Chicago. ...apparently, with one extra stop before they got going.

Tim couldn't help but remember what had happened the last time Tony had told him that a destination was a surprise.

Gibbs' house, and a very traumatic confrontation.

He tried to push that thought away and have fun.

They checked out of the hotel and got into the rental car. It was barely 5:30 a.m.

"Okay, Tim. Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Close your eyes. I don't want to spoil the surprise."

"I'm not sure I trust you that much," Tim said, smiling to take the sting out of his words.

"You will after this," Tony said. "I promise. I'm excited for it, too! Close your eyes! I'd close mine, but I have to drive."

Tim laughed a little and reluctantly closed his eyes.

"Just for a couple of minutes, Tim," Tony said. "So don't fall asleep."

"Okay, okay."

Tim sat quietly on the seat with his eyes closed feeling the turn as the car came out of the parking lot and turned onto the road. Then, a ways in a straight line, a left hand turn, another left turn, a right turn and one more right turn.

"Okay. Tim, don't open your eyes yet. Let me lead you."

"What? Tony, what in the world is this? What could I possibly be excited about seeing at 5:30 in the morning?"

"It's 5:40 now," Tony said. "Just trust me!"

Tim let out a sigh.

"Good. Don't open your eyes."

Tim sat in the car and then, let Tony take him by the hand and lead him across what felt like a parking lot. Then, a sidewalk. It was relatively quiet for Chicago, but he thought he could hear water.

"Okay, Tim. Open your eyes!"

Tim opened his eyes and had to blink a few times as they adjusted to having light again.

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

He was staring at the Chicago skyline across Lake Michigan. Even at this time of the morning, it was all lit up, reflecting off the water, lighting up the sky around it. As far as the view of a large city went, this was lovely.

"Wow," Tim said. He stared for a little while. Then, he looked to the side. "A planetarium?"

"Adler Planetarium. I'd say we could stay and go to it, but we don't have the time for that. But I saw a picture of the view from here, and I thought it would be a great way to start the trip."

"I doubt L.A. can match it."

"L.A. has the ocean."

"Yeah...maybe."

"What do you mean _maybe_?" Tony asked. "It has an ocean. It's called the Pacific. Happens to be the biggest one on the planet."

Tim smiled. "Yeah, it has an ocean, but that's not the be all and end all of beauty. Cities aren't, either. We've seen some amazing things without a building in sight. But this is cool. And I don't know that L.A. can top it." Then, his smile widened to a grin. "But I won't know until I get there to find out."

Tony laughed.

"Well, what are we hanging around here for, then?"

"Pictures?"

"It's dark," Tony said.

"That's okay. I have a low light setting on my camera. Even if it doesn't get all the details, we have to have a picture."

"Of course, we do. But if we look like the Shadow and his sidekick, that's your fault."

"Okay."

Tim got out his camera and took a picture across the lake. Then, he found a place to set the camera down and he put the timer on. Then, they stood and waited for the blinding flash. After a few seconds, it went off and Tim ran over to check it, hoping that something would turn out.

"Ha!" he said, triumphantly. "Got it!"

He turned the camera around and showed Tony. The skyline wasn't quite so prominent in the bright flash, but both of them could be seen as well as the city in the background.

"Good. Let's get going, then," Tony said.

"Okay."

They went back to the car and drove out. Tony made Tim take pictures of the _official_ beginning to the road trip at the Art Institute. A small brown sign marked the beginning of Route 66, even though the road itself was Adams Street. Tim took a photo of that, too. Then, they were driving through Chicago until they got on Ogden Avenue which took them across Chicagoland until they got to Downers Grove. There, they got on I-55, where they'd be for much of the road trip, at least through most of Illinois and Missouri.

"If you want me to do any driving today, I need more sleep than I got," Tim said, reclining his seat. "Wake me up if there's something cool to see."

"Something cool? We're driving Route 66! It's all cool!"

"Not while I'm tired," Tim said, smiling. "Let me get a little more sleep and I'll be more chipper. ...and I can help drive. If you want to do all the driving..."

"No way. Fine. Get your sleep, McWimpy."

Tim stuck out his tongue and then closed his eyes. He grimaced as he heard the strains of "Route 66" for what was probably only the first time of many, but then, he let the rumble of the car lull him to sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony looked over and smiled as Tim's head slipped back and he started snoring. Not even the repetition of "Route 66" could keep him awake. Tony agreed that they hadn't had a great night's sleep after the flight, but Tony had found that he bounced back from not enough sleep much better than Tim did...at least, in general.

Regardless, Tim had been much more light-hearted than Tony had thought he would be, even though it was only the first day. He didn't know if Tim could maintain it when he still had his bad days, but it had given Tony hope that this trip could be more fun than not.

He focused on the road, relieved that they'd got out of Chicago before the traffic had picked up. It wouldn't be as bad on a Sunday morning, but Chicago was not exactly known for its great roads.

After a little while, he saw signs for Joliet and, for a moment, he considered driving to the Joliet prison to see it, even though it was long-since closed. But if Tim was tired, waking him up after less than an hour wouldn't really help him get rested, and Tony couldn't help but wonder what something like a prison would make Tim think of. Would it put him into a negative state of mind? No sense in risking it. He stayed on the interstate.

Then, he saw a sign for something called the Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie. He thought it sounded interesting, and while they'd only been driving for a little over an hour, Tim did say to wake him up for the interesting stuff. He decided to take the exit and follow the signs. The sun was just up with a few high clouds, making some interesting shadows. Even if they didn't stay long, it would be worth seeing.

Without waking Tim up, he followed the signs to the prairie. The visitor center wasn't open since it was Sunday, but they could look at some of the area before moving on. He pulled into a parking area and looked around. Not particularly exciting, but that was okay. Not everything had to be knock-you-back amazing.

"Hey, Tim. First stop! Remember that we have to have an unplanned stop for it to be a true road trip!"

No response. Just snoring. Tim probably couldn't hear him over the rumble.

"Tim! Wake up!"

Tim snorted and sat up, looking around.

"Where are we?"

"Midewin National Tallgrass Prairie!"

"Where?" Tim asked, not quite awake.

"Our first stop! Unplanned! I've never even heard of this place before."

"Oh."

Tim sat there for a moment and then shook his head, clearly trying to wake up all the way. Tony laughed, but he was surprised Tim had managed to sleep so deeply. Was he really that tired?

"Gosh, Tim. What are you on?" Tony asked, mostly joking but completely.

Tim laughed. "I didn't tell you how little sleep I've been getting," he said. "Any chance I have to sleep, I take it."

"Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Because I'm a father of a three-year-old and because my wife is paralyzed and pregnant with twins. There's no sharing of the nightly parenting duties right now. Delilah can't do any of it herself. She can barely get into her chair. So it's me. And Tommy's been waking up a lot during the night lately. We think it's partly a reaction to Delilah's pregnancy. But I still have to work at my usual time, so I don't get to make up the sleep during the day. I may get to sleep all through the night while we're on this trip. I'll be so perky by the time we're done you won't even recognize me."

Then, Tim gave a sleepy smile and opened the car door to get out into the fresh air. Tony stared after him for a second and then shook his head and chuckled. He got out of the car as well, breathing deeply. It was not quite seven a.m. and it was very quiet, just a slight breeze.

"So...what is this place?" Tim asked as he looked around.

"A prairie. I don't know more than that. We need a sign because the visitor center looks like it's closed."

They walked around a bit and then, Tony spotted a sign of facts about the prairie.

"Look at this! This area was an ammunition plant for the army. And they're trying to reclaim the prairie. There are trails and a lot of the bunkers are left here, too. Cool. I didn't know anything about this. Did you?"

Tim came and joined him, looking at the sign. He shook his head.

"No. I've never heard of it, either."

They walked around some small paths, taking pictures. Then, they went back to the car and drove to what was called a bison overlook.

"Bison? Like in Yellowstone?" Tim asked.

"Let's find out," Tony said.

"Okay."

Tony was glad that Tim seemed much more alert now, and he looked interested in what there was to see. He stopped the car and they got out again. For a moment, they were both quiet, then, Tim suddenly pointed.

"Hey! Look over there! Those are bison, aren't they?"

Tony followed his finger.

"Looks like them to me! Take a picture!"

"You get over so that you can point to where they are," Tim said. "They're kind of far away."

Tony nodded and walked into frame and pointed with a goofy expression, mouth open in exaggerated shock. Tim smiled and took the picture.

"Well, we don't have time to go on the trails, but what do you think?"

"I think it's really interesting," Tim said, looking out over the prairie. "It doesn't really feel _wild_ , but it's a kind of reclaiming of unused space. Can you imagine this entire area looking like this? Chicago and Joliet and all those cities...just grass?"

Tony looked out at it, too.

"I don't think so. It's crazy to think of it."

"Yeah."

They stood there, staring out at the grazing bison on a reclaimed tallgrass prairie. It was just a quiet silence.

"We'd better get going," Tim said, finally, a little reluctantly. "It'd be too bad if we couldn't make it to Los Angeles because we spent all our time staring at grass."

Tony chuckled. "Interesting image. They find us days later, just staring, mumbling vaguely, _grass...graaaaaasssss._ "

Tim laughed.

"The new version of zombies."

"We'll give _The Walking Dead_ a run for their money."

Tim looked at the prairie once more.

"Nah. Let's get going."

"Okay," Tony said.

They both laughed as they went back to the car. They started driving again, but Tony decided just to follow the road south, assuming that there would be another chance to get onto I-55 again. In a different situation, Tony would have wanted to try to drive on the smaller roads to get more of a feel for the old highway, but they really didn't have time for that and all the sites he'd checked had followed I-55 through Illinois.

They came through some trees and were on the main street of Wilmington and suddenly, Tim pointed ahead.

"Look at that! What is it? An astronaut?"

Tony saw a statue and instantly pulled off in front of a closed restaurant called the Launching Pad. The statue was a man dressed in green, a helmet on his head and he looked like he was holding a blimp in his hands.

"What is this?" Tony asked.

"The Gemini Giant," Tim said.

"How do you know that?"

Tim pointed to the faded paint on the base of the statue.

"Ah. I see."

"Gemini, like the Gemini program at NASA. Why here?"

"Don't know, but it deserves a picture," Tony said.

"Absolutely."

Tim posed under the statue and then Tony did the same, staring up at the random statue. Then, it was back in the car and they kept driving. As they came to an intersection, Tim looked over and saw a sign for the "historic Route 66". He took pictures of it and they kept going, back onto I-55. They knew that, because it was Sunday, they wouldn't be able to go into a lot of the tourist stops, but it didn't matter. They could look and see what was around, and they had a lot more days of driving to see things.

"How far do you want to get today?" Tim asked as they continued south.

"I don't think we need to rush. If we just did Illinois today, Missouri tomorrow, Oklahoma and Texas the next day... That'll still put us in California on Friday."

"But what if there are more things we want to see?" Tim asked. "Maybe we should plan on getting part way through Missouri today...if we get to St. Louis and it's not late, then, we should keep going."

"As long as we don't get to the point where we have to worry about sleeping in the car."

Tim smiled. "Right."

"Okay. I'm with you, and that calls for another version of our theme song."

"No, Tony!" Tim groaned.

However, Tony was not to be deterred. The first one he'd had them listen to was the original, of course. This time, he chose a version done by The Rolling Stones back in 1964. It was very different from Nat King Cole. He started bobbing his head in time with the song.

"'Get your kicks on Route 66!'" he sang with gusto.

Tim sighed heavily.

"You'll be singing along with me by the end of this trip, Tim. You know it and I know it. You might as well give in."

"Not happening."

Tony grinned. "We'll see."

And they kept driving south toward Missouri.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Staunton, Illinois," Tony read. "Anything there?"

Tim pulled out his phone and did a search.

"Henry's Rabbit Ranch," he said, furrowing his brow. "It's listed as a Route 66 tourist stop."

"Really?" Tony asked. "A rabbit ranch. Well...is it closed on Sunday?"

"Don't know. I don't see any hours listed. Want to try it?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Take the next exit, then."

Tony nodded and followed Tim's directions. They pulled up to a yard full of what appeared to be junk at first glance. Then, Tim saw the cars planted in the grass, back end up.

"It doesn't look open," Tony said. "But we can take a couple of pictures anyway. Then, you can take over the driving."

Tim smiled. "Okay. I'm ready."

Tony parked by the side of the road and they got out.

"I don't see any rabbits. Do you?" Tim asked.

"Nope. That's okay. There's a sign," Tony said, pointing.

Tim looked at it and chuckled.

"'Hare It Is'. Nice."

"Go and pose!"

Tim walked over by the sign and acted like he was searching for the rabbits they couldn't see.

"Okay. Your turn," Tim said.

They switched places and Tim took a photo of Tony posing by the sign. Then, they walked around a little bit, just wanting to see what there was to see. Since it was free even on days when it was open, they felt okay about walking on the property.

"Too bad it's closed. We could have bought a souvenir from the shop," Tony said.

"I just wonder where the rabbits are. All I see are old Volkswagons and Route 66 memorabilia."

"Yeah. Are you sure they meant real rabbits?" Tony asked.

"According to the reviews I read. There are rabbits around here somewhere."

"Oh, well. This stuff is fun on its own, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Tim said. "I guess the benefit is that we won't have to worry about staying here too long."

Tony grinned. "You ready to start driving, then?"

"Sure."

They walked back to the car and got in, Tim driving this time, and they headed for St. Louis. It would be their third time through the area, and Tim had noticed that they would be driving on Highway 50 for a little while after they got through the city because it was part of I-44 which was their next stretch of road. Tim wondered if Tony would say anything about it. Tim was thinking about it, but he didn't want to mention it to make sure that Tony didn't get back into that time in which both of them had been completely miserable.

As they neared St. Louis, Tim saw signs for Cahokia.

"We didn't spend enough time there," he said.

"You're probably right, but we can't do it this time, either, because I'm sure it's closed on a Sunday."

Tim smiled. "Well, you always say that we can't duplicate stops anyway."

"That's right. And I think you're right about going further. There's no reason to stop so early in the day when we could easily keep going," Tony said. "We'll just see how far we get, but without pushing it."

"Okay," Tim said, grateful that they wouldn't be duplicating a stop on Highway 50 and even more grateful that he didn't have to say anything about it. If Tony was thinking about it, he wasn't saying anything either.

They continued through St. Louis and out the other side. Tim saw where Highway 50 diverged from I-44, and he was glad to see it go. He said nothing about it, still. He was determined to avoid it if he could. As they continued on I-44, Tony was checking out the route to see if there was anything they could stop at.

"Hey, have you heard of the Meramec Caverns?" he asked.

Tim glanced over. "No. I haven't."

"Apparently, it's open on Sundays. Want to stop?"

"Sure. It's still afternoon. I'm good to stop."

"Okay. Take exit 230 and go...left."

Tim nodded and when the next exit approached, he took the off ramp and then turned left.

"Looks like we're going the right way," Tim said, pointing ahead.

Tony chuckled when he saw the large sign advertising for the Jesse James Hideout and Meramec Caverns.

"Looks like it. Good to know. Keep going, then."

"Will do."

Three more miles and they reached the parking lot. It wasn't particularly full on a Sunday afternoon, but that was all the better as far as Tim was concerned.

They parked and headed for the entrance to the caverns. The price seemed a little steep, but they decided to pay it anyway. There was a tour just getting ready to go so they joined up with it. There were two families with kids and then Tony and Tim. Tony looked at Tim with a raised eyebrow, silently asking if he wanted to be with this group. Tim just nodded. While the kids might make it a bit more chaotic, he didn't want to wait for another group just to avoid that. As they stood together, Tim looked around. He'd never been anywhere like this before. It should be interesting.

"Stalactites or stalagmites?" Tony asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Tim asked, startled out of his own thoughts.

"Which ones come up from the ground and which ones come down from the ceiling? I know that you're supposed to remember it by the c and the g, but does the g stand for coming _up_ from the ground or growing _down_ to the ground?"

"Uh...It's coming up from the ground, I think," Tim said, trying to remember back when he had last learned about stalactites and stalagmites. It might have been in middle school.

"It's coming up from the ground. Stalactites grow like icicles, down from the ceiling," one of the boys in the group said.

"Louis, you're not supposed to eavesdrop," said a woman who was likely his mother.

"It's okay," Tony said, smiling. "I wanted an answer. I don't care if Tim can't come up with it himself."

"Hey! I was right!" Tim said.

"But you weren't sure."

"I was still right. You didn't even know at all."

"Hush," Tony said. "I was just giving you a chance to show off."

Tim rolled his eyes and focused on the teenaged boy who had answered Tony's question.

"So have you been here before?"

"No. First time," he said.

"We're only here because the caveman wanted to come," said a resentful younger boy.

"It's cool! And you'd know that if you'd stop playing video games and see something besides guys shooting each other."

"Louis, Danny, stop fighting. We all get a chance to pick something to see. This is Louis' choice. You'll get to see something, too," their mother said. "Remember that we're going to see the College Basketball Experience tomorrow."

"Hey, we've been there," Tony said. "A few years ago. It's fun."

The woman finally focused on them.

"I'm Patricia. These are my boys, Danny and Louis. My husband Jason is over talking to the ranger because he can't resist trying to get extra information before the tour starts."

"I'm Tony, and this is Tim. We're on a road trip, following Route 66. Kind of a last hurrah before Tim's wife has twins and all his free time is gone."

Patricia laughed. "We have twin girls, but they have volleyball camps and this was the only week Jason could get off. So their aunts are going to take them on a trip later. We're hoping for another whole family trip at the end of the summer."

"So you're a spelunker?" Tony asked Louis.

"No. I just like caves, but I haven't been to very many yet," he said.

"Have you heard of the Naica Mines in Mexico?" Tim asked, amazed that he'd been able to pull that out of his head from whenever he'd first heard of it.

"No," Louis said.

Danny rolled his eyes, and Tim couldn't help but think that these two brothers were way too much like he and Tony could be. Tim excited about something nerdy and Tony only barely tolerating it.

"They opened up a section of the mine and they found a room full of these huge gypsum crystals, some more than ten feet long," Tim said. "Very cool."

"Sounds cool," Louis said. "But I want to go to the Blue Grotto. It's in Italy and you go inside at the right time of the day and the water turns totally blue! It's from sunlight reflecting and bouncing off the water. And then, when I'm older, I want to go to..."

"Son Doong Cave in Vietnam," Danny interrupted in a bored voice. "He doesn't talk about anything else. It's all about this dumb cave."

"It's not dumb! It's the largest cave system in the entire world! It has unique ecosystems that don't exist anywhere else!"

Then, Jason came over.

"The tour's about to start," he said. "I'm ready to go spelunking."

"Dad, that's only for non-commercial caves," Louis said, earnestly. "This is commercial. We're just going to see the caverns."

Jason just chuckled and gestured for the boys to walk ahead of him. Patricia followed along. Everyone started to follow the ranger to begin the tour. Tim and Tony lagged behind a little bit.

"Can't you just see us in those two?" Tim asked.

"Which one are you?" Tony asked, grinning.

"The one who wanted to go and play basketball, of course," Tim said.

"Right. Yeah, I can, but I'd like to think I'm mature enough to appreciate more than just basketball."

"Well, you let me go to a scale model of the solar system without complaining. So yeah, a _little_ more mature."

"Very funny," Tony said.

They followed the group and went through the caverns. It took about an hour. Periodically, the ranger would turn off the lights to let them feel the darkness. They had special lights on different formations. They took pictures, although Tim wasn't sure if they'd all turn out.

...and Louis was constantly asking questions, making Tim smile all through the tour. It was enough that he managed to forget the stuff he still thought about far too often. He just enjoyed the sights and the enthusiasm. Even Danny forgot to be annoyed as they continued through the caverns.

They got back to the entrance, said good-bye to the family and then went into the gift shop to get some souvenirs. They walked through, looking at the shelves of touristy, kitschy things for sale.

Tim started looking for something he could buy for Tommy and for Delilah. He glanced over at Tony.

"Buying something for Jo?" he asked.

Tony grinned. "Not here. Somewhere else along the route."

"So who are you buying stuff for?"

"Chaz...and some other people."

Instantly, Tim felt the awkwardness that accompanied a mention of Gibbs. They didn't even have to say his name. In fact, Tony had made a concerted effort _not_ to mention him, but right now, Gibbs was clearly one of the _other people_ Tony was thinking of. They looked at each other for a few seconds and then, Tony cleared his throat.

"You're getting something for Tommy?" Tony asked.

Tim took a breath and smiled.

"Yeah. And for Delilah."

"It had better be a huge t-shirt," Tony said, grinning.

"Hey!" Tim said, seizing on something that could dispel the awkwardness. "She's not going to be like that for more than couple of months."

"So you're going to buy her something she can't even use right away?" Tony asked, sounding just slightly relieved that they'd moved beyond the near mention of Gibbs.

"We have lots of stops alone the way, Tony. I can buy more than one souvenir. And here, I'm buying a couple of t-shirts."

"Well, you'd better buy more than a couple."

"Why?" Tim asked, furrowing his brow.

"Because you need to have one for every member of the family. In fact, I'll buy these two onesies for your twins. You buy yourself a shirt to go along with the others."

"Tony, you don't have to..."

"Of course I do. I'm the uncle," Tony said with a more sincere smile. "Have to buy a baby gift that they'll be able to wear for like a week."

Tim laughed and gave up on trying to keep Tony from the onesies. He also gave in to buying himself a Meramec Caverns t-shirt to go along with the ones he'd picked out for Tommy and Delilah. As he headed for the checkout counter, he saw Tony picking out some shot glasses and he tried not to wonder which one Tony was getting for Gibbs.

They paid for their purchases and then headed out of the gift shop and back to the car. Tony got in the driver's side. It was now nearly five p.m. and they needed to start thinking about where they'd stop for the night.

"Okay, Tim. How far should we go?"

"No more than two more hours," Tim said.

"Okay. What's about two hours away?" Tony asked.

Tim got out the atlas and started checking things out. He heard Tony chuckle a little bit, and he knew that his interest in getting things as accurately measured as possible was amusing, but it made estimation much easier.

After a few minutes, he came to a decision and looked up.

"If we drive to Springfield, Missouri, that should be about two and a half hours. That would put us there around seven-thirty. And there's a place that this site said not to miss."

"What's that?" Tony asked.

"The Route 66 Steak 'n Shake. You want to make sure we eat there?"

"Absolutely. Let's get some gas and snacks before we get back on the highway and that'll tide us over until then."

"Okay. Sounds good."

They headed out of the parking lot and back onto I-44. The interstate was pretty uneventful. It was still light out, but there weren't very exciting views. Trees and fields and the occasional small town. It wasn't exciting, but that was all right with Tim. He knew that they'd get to see more spectacular sights as they headed west. It was all right to just have some greenery. The radio was on. Sometimes, they talked. Sometimes, they didn't. Tim liked the easier feeling in the car. They weren't forcing anything and they were still able to do this and have fun.

 _Of course, we'd probably have more fun if I stopped worrying about whether or not we could,_ Tim thought to himself, ruefully.

It was this ongoing difficulty he had. It wasn't just Allison Jenkins' death anymore. It was all the fallout afterward. But Tony knew about that, too. So hopefully, this wouldn't be something they had to talk about at all.

"Okay, Tim," Tony said.

"Yeah?"

"You have two jobs when we get to Springfield. You know what they are?"

"Find the restaurant and find a hotel?"

"Oh...then, three."

Tim smiled. "What did you forget?"

"I didn't forget. I just saw it as foregone."

"Yeah, right. What did you forget, Tony?"

Tony grinned. "Well, getting a hotel is part and parcel of the road trip. I shouldn't even need to mention it."

"Uh-huh. So what was the third?"

"I'm just reminding you to call Delilah. And since you'd be doing that at the hotel, it counts as reminding you about the hotel."

"Right," Tim said, sarcastically. "I don't think that counts, but I'll get the hotel."

He pulled out his phone and started searching.

"There are 25 hotels just off I-44 and it looks like they're all on the same street. Looks like prices range between $50 and $120. How nice are you looking for?"

"Just basic. Let's shoot for the middle of that," Tony said. "So between $80 and $90."

"Hey, there's a Best Western with pretty good rating at $70."

"Breakfast included?"

"Yep. Free breakfast."

"Okay. Sounds good. Get it."

Tim reserved a room and then searched for the Steak 'n Shake.

"The restaurant isn't far away. We'll pretty much be staying on the same road."

"Even better. Lead us there, Probie."

Tim smiled. Tony didn't call him _probie_ very often anymore. He hadn't in the last year, until they'd gone on this trip. Things had been too heavy the last little while, and Tim could always tell when Tony was worried about hurting Tim's feelings or being too lighthearted for however Tim was feeling. That he was going back to Probie again was a good thing, although Tim hoped that it wouldn't _completely_ replace his name.

He gave Tony directions once they got into Springfield. They saw their hotel but decided to eat first. When they arrived at the address, they both smiled.

"Wow. It's like a fifties diner," Tony said. "And they've probably had all this same stuff since the fifties."

"Probably. The food is supposed to be good."

"Well, I guess it'd be hard to mess up burgers and shakes. Let's eat."

"Sounds good to me."

Tony parked and they went into the restaurant. It was like stepping back in time and they decided to eat there rather than get it to go. The burgers were tasty and the shakes were large. It wasn't gourmet, but really, who wanted a gourmet burger? They took their time eating and then drove to their hotel. Tim checked them in and they went to their room. It was simple and clean. Just what they needed for an overnight stay.

"Well?" Tony said.

"Well, what?"

"Delilah said that you needed to call her."

Tim smiled, although he felt a little bit of a pang at the reminder of how much he'd put her through last year.

"It's not that late yet, Tony. I think I'm allowed to sit down for a minute before I check in."

"Are you saying that you're not wanting to make sure everything is okay?"

"If I'd left her alone, I would have called her multiple times through the day and she'd start yelling at me to stop calling," Tim said. "But her mom is there and I know that they'll call if there's a problem. I'm calling for Delilah's sake, not mine."

"Right," Tony said dubiously. "Well, I'm going to shower."

"Okay."

Tony got his clothes and went into the bathroom. Tim sighed and let the smile fall from his face. He hated remembering the last road trip at all, let alone having Tony bring up what he'd done to his family. He didn't think that Tony was seeing it that way, but it didn't change the way it felt.

He looked at his phone for a moment and then called home.

" _Hello, Tim. Delilah said you'd likely be calling soon."_

"Virginia. I didn't expect you to answer," Tim said. "Is Delilah okay?"

" _Tim, she's fine. She just wasn't in reach of her phone and told me to get it. I'll hand it over since she's glaring at me."_

There was a sound as Virginia handed the phone to her daughter.

" _Tim, sorry about that. Mom really wanted to hear how you reacted when she answered."_

"It's fine. It was just a surprise. Is Tommy in bed?"

" _Yes, and I think he's asleep. Otherwise, I'd have you talk to him. He asked where you were tonight."_

"Did he understand?"

" _A little, but it's better than last time since he can tell that we're happy. So he hasn't been as demanding. Just so you know, Tim, it's a sure sign of how much I love you that I'm letting my mom boss me around for a week."_

"I'm surprised you're letting her. I half thought that you'd just kick her out after a day and not tell me."

Delilah laughed.

" _It's not that bad. Not yet, anyway. Unfortunately, she's right."_

"How frustrating when parents are right. I wonder how long it will take Tommy to say that. I mean, you're in your late thirties..."

" _Ha. Very funny. Did you have fun today?"_

"Yeah. We went to a grassland and some caves, a rabbit farm, although I didn't see any rabbits. And we just ate at a burger place that still looks like it did when Route 66 was still the main highway."

" _Where are you right now?"_

"Springfield, Missouri."

" _How far will you go tomorrow?"_

"I don't know. We were going to stop by St. Louis, but I convinced Tony to keep going."

" _Why not there?"_

"We've been there before and...well, Highway 50 goes through that part. We drove on part of it, today."

" _Tim..."_

"I didn't say anything about it. I just said we should go further and it was pretty early when we got there so it wasn't a big deal," Tim said quickly.

" _You need to stop feeling guilty for what happened last year. I don't mind. Tony doesn't mind. None of us mind. We know that..."_

"That I was being an idiot who could have saved everyone a lot of problems if I'd just stopped being idiot," Tim said, unable to keep all the bitterness out of his voice.

" _No, Tim. Don't do that. Just have fun. I'm doing fine and Tommy isn't as fretful as he was before. I'm glad you called me, but I'm not worried about something going wrong. The only thing I'm worried about is you not letting yourself have fun."_

"I had fun today. I just couldn't forget. So it was like usual."

" _Hopefully, it will be better than what's usual. You shouldn't let last year hold you back."_

"Don't worry about me, Delilah. Nothing's out of the ordinary."

He heard her laugh softly.

" _I almost wish it would be...but not_ too _out of the ordinary. Just a little bit. I love you."_

"I love you, too. I'll call earlier tomorrow and talk to Tommy."

" _Good."_

"Good night."

" _Good night, Tim."_

Tim hung up and lay back on the bed. It wasn't that he was worried about becoming like that again. It would take the same conditions to elicit that reaction again, but he still hated what he'd done. That level of breakdown was ridiculous in his mind and he should never have allowed himself to fall apart like that.

Regardless, he _had_ been able to have fun today and if he could manage it, that would continue, if only so that Tony was able to have fun, too. There was no way he would force Tony to go through that again.

With that decided, he sat up so that Tony didn't start worrying about him again, and waited for him to come out. When Tony got out of the bathroom, Tim went in to shower and then they both went to bed early. Tim was still tired and even Tony admitted to be a little bit tired from their early start and late time getting to bed the night before.

By nine p.m., the lights were out and both men were asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Tony woke up early the next morning and he heard Tim snoring. He sat up and smiled. Tim was out like a light, lying on his side, mouth open, hand dangling over the edge of the bed. He was sound asleep, and based on what he'd told Tony already, this was probably much needed and well-deserved sleep. So instead of waking him up, Tony reached for the atlas and looked at their route. How much time would it take? They'd made a lot of progress already, but one place he _really_ wanted to go on this trip was the Grand Canyon. It wasn't far from their route and so worth seeing. And they'd have time to give a whole day just for seeing the Grand Canyon which Tony was really happy about.

As he studied the atlas, perhaps not as thoroughly as Tim would, Tony decided that they could easily get to Amarillo, Texas, and see the Cadillac Ranch, stay the night and then go on the next day. After all, they didn't need to rush. Even if they spent the entire day at the Grand Canyon, that would put them in California by Friday at the latest and then they could take some time in Los Angeles or the area around it before catching their flight back.

Knowing as he now did about Delilah's much more serious condition this time around, Tony hoped that everything would go well. Tim didn't seem overly worried about it which was good. It was just a matter of hoping that the twins would stay put until they got back, at least. And he knew that Tim and Delilah were hoping for at least another month. The idea of Delilah having twins boggled Tony's mind. He had managed to get over his initial shock, but even though he knew that Delilah was strong and capable, he couldn't help but worry that this would be too hard on her. He wasn't going to _say_ that, of course. He knew that Tim was already concerned and he had little doubt that the two of them had already discussed it at length. If Tim brought it up, they could talk about it, but Tony wouldn't be the one to say anything first.

Decision made, he lay back on the bed, listening to Tim snore. Since he was planning on _not_ driving to exhaustion during this trip, he'd give Tim until seven to wake up on his own. It was too early to call anyone, so Tony just turned on the TV. The volume was already low from the night before, but he turned it even lower so as not to disturb Tim while he was sleeping.

For an hour, he mostly just hopped around from channel to channel, intentionally avoiding all the news stations. He didn't need the constant talking heads. He got enough of that on a daily basis as it was.

Then, Tim suddenly took a deep breath and rolled over in bed so that he was facing the wall. Tony grinned as the snoring stopped but was replaced by loud breathing. He looked at the time. Tim would get about ten more minutes to wake up on his own, although it seemed like he was getting close to it. That would give him about ten hours of sleep.

Just shy of Tony's deadline, the heavy breathing stopped and Tim rolled onto his back and stretched to his fullest extent, his feet hanging over the end of the bed. Then, he let himself go limp.

"Sleep well?" Tony asked.

Tim looked over at him and smiled.

"Man, I feel like I must have slept for a week."

"Nope. Only ten hours."

"Ten hours?" Tim repeated. He sat up quickly. "What time is it?"

"Just about seven. Don't worry. We've got time."

"How long have _you_ been awake?" Tim asked suspiciously.

"A little over an hour. I was going to wake you up at seven. Don't worry."

"Wake me up? How?"

Tony gave a mischievous grin. "You'll never know."

Tim took a deep breath and rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Well, I guess it's time to get rolling, then."

"After we both get dressed and have breakfast, yes."

"Right."

Tony got out of bed and went into the bathroom to get ready, glad that he'd given Tim the extra time to sleep. He clearly had benefitted from it.

Even though they weren't really in a hurry, neither of them lingered in the hotel room. They grabbed some food they could eat in the car from the continental breakfast and got on their way. Tony was driving first, while Tim did more exact calculations on how far they'd go.

"Hey, Tony," Tim said only a few minutes after they got on the road again.

"What?"

"Did you know that I-44 is a toll road through most of Oklahoma?"

"Really? Can we avoid it?"

"Yeah." Tim looked up and grinned. "By driving on Route 66."

"What?"

"Oklahoma has a lot of the original highway, it looks like. We could jump off I-44 and just drive on the old highway until Oklahoma City where we'll have to get on I-40 for the rest of the way."

"Works for me. How much time will that add on to the drive today? I know we'll be going slower than on the interstate."

"Looks like...without any stops..." Tim paused.

"Which isn't going to happen."

Tim chuckled a little but remained focused on his calculations.

"Looks like about an hour and a half longer."

"Oh, that's nothing. Great. I like it. We'll do it. Where do we get off I-44?"

"If we got off by...Joplin, we'd take a little jog into Kansas and then drop down into Oklahoma. Take exit 15."

"Sounds good."

Tim set the atlas aside and looked up again.

"You like doing that, don't you," Tony said.

"Doing what?"

"Using a real map instead of the GPS."

Tim actually colored a little.

"I use my GPS all the time."

"Yeah, but not on the road trips."

Tim shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that."

"I didn't say there was. You like doing it though."

"Yeah, I do."

"Why?"

"Well..." Tim looked at the atlas for a moment and then at his phone. "Well, using GPS all the time feels like cheating."

"Cheating?"

"Yeah. You lose some of the...the thrill. Instead of discovering things along the way because you see them on a map or just drive past the sign, you end up being able to plan the entire journey, step by step. And I like planning, don't get me wrong, but when I look at Google Maps or Mapquest or any of those things, I get an information dump. Hundreds of different places to stop, along with people's opinions on them."

"What's wrong with that? We use that for hotels all the time."

"Yeah, and it's great, but it colors our first glimpse. Like...take yesterday. Would I have been disappointed at not finding rabbits at the rabbit farm if I hadn't read that there really were rabbits somewhere? Or would I have just been entertained by what we did see?"

Tony grinned. "You would have been disappointed if you couldn't figure out why it was called a rabbit ranch."

Tim smiled back. "Maybe you're right. I just think that we need to balance out what we do with these things," he said, holding up his phone. "And I like the challenge of figuring things out on my own without the almighty Google telling me what to do."

"Well, as long as you don't make _me_ do it."

"Nope. I don't trust your math."

"Hey!" Tony said, but he laughed along with Tim.

When they reached the right exit, Tony looked at Tim with an evil grin and Tim groaned.

"It's time."

Tim rolled his eyes but said nothing when Tony turned on the third version of the song. This time, it was by Bing Crosby.

Tony knew that Tim would be singing along with him by the end. In fact, Tim knew it, too. But they both knew that Tim had set the expectation that he would resist as long as he could, and it was only the second day, so he had time to keep resisting.

They stayed on Route 66 (but listened to other music) and were headed toward Tulsa when, after driving for a couple of hours, they had their first random stop.

"The Largest Totem Pole in the World," Tim read. "Want to stop?"

"Of course! Where is it?"

"When we get to Foyil, go left on highway 28A. It should be pretty obvious, I'd think."

"A ginormous totem pole? Yeah, that should be pretty obvious."

They drove further and then, suddenly, to the right of the car, just a little bit off the road was a monstrous totem pole.

"Whoa! Look at that!" Tony said and pulled over onto the grass by the road.

"That is...big," Tim said. "You think it's really the biggest?"

Tony rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter. It's cool!"

"Well, there's no charge for coming here, so I guess it doesn't matter if we come from the road rather than a parking lot," Tim said.

"Great. Let's go."

Tony eagerly got out of the car and started toward the big totem pole. He looked back after a few seconds and saw Tim standing by the road.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm staying back here so that I can get a picture of you and the whole totem pole!" Tim shouted back. "It's too tall otherwise!"

"Good idea!"

Tony looked up at the totem pole. It had to be at least fifty feet tall. It was brightly-colored and detailed. He really liked it. It probably wasn't anything "authentic" but it didn't matter. It was still cool. He turned around and raised his arms over his head.

"Look at me!"

"I can't help but do that," Tim said, smiling as he raised the camera.

Tim took a few pictures.

"Now, it's your turn!" Tony said.

They switched places and Tim posed in front of the giant totem pole. Tony took some photos and then they walked around the rest of the area. There was a giant tree. Some smaller totem poles. It was interesting.

"You know, these feel like concrete, not wood," Tim said.

Tony felt one.

"Huh. Interesting."

Tony furrowed his brow and looked around. There wasn't really anyone there and he didn't see any signs to tell him what this place was.

"Okay, Tim. You have to give in and look something up on your phone. Find out what this place is."

"I didn't say I never look anything up, Tony," Tim said. "I just said that using it all the time is cheating."

"Right."

"I didn't!"

"Just stop putting it off and look it up."

"You could do it yourself, lazy."

Tony grinned as Tim pulled out his phone and looked up the totem poles.

"Built by Ed Galloway, apparently just as a way to pass the time when he retired," Tim said, as he scrolled through information. "There are taller totem poles out there, but this is the tallest one made of concrete. The place was abandoned for a while after he died, but they've started taking care of it again, and now, it's just a free place for people to stop. There's a gift shop, but it's closed until noon."

"Shucks. That's really late, and we can't stay here that long. We'd never get to Amarillo."

"That's okay. We've got pictures and that's the important thing. ...well, that and just seeing it for ourselves."

Tony grinned and nodded. They headed back to the car. They got in and kept on toward Tulsa, but they didn't drive much further before they found another place to stop.

Tim leaned forward and squinted.

"Route 66 roadside attraction," he read.

"Well, then, we're stopping," Tony said. "I don't care what it is."

They pulled off into a small parking lot that didn't look like much. There was a small taqueiria, but that seemed to be it. They both got out of the car and looked around.

"Okay. What's the attraction?" Tony asked. "I see a couple of RVs, but not much else."

"I don't know. I just saw the sign," Tim said, pointing to it.

They walked over and read the smaller print.

"The Blue Whale," Tony said. Then, he looked through the trees. "Hey...is that it?"

Tim looked as well.

"Could be. I see something blue."

"Then, let's go look."

They walked down a short path and, sure enough, there was a blue whale. Not a real one, of course, but a blue whale on the edge of a small lake.

"Well, this calls for a picture, Probie," Tony said.

"I think so. I wonder what it is."

Tony chuckled. Tim was always asking questions, always wanting to know things.

"Well, it said it was part of a swimming park."

"Yeah, but why-?"

"Let's go look, not just speculate."

They walked down to the blue whale and found that they could walk into its mouth and walk on a little path to the tail. So, of course, they had to take some pictures in the mouth and in front of the whale and in the back of the whale.

Since the whale was all there was left of the original swimming park, they didn't linger. They got back in the car and headed for Tulsa. When they got to the city, they topped off the tank and got some snacks and then continued on their way. It was slower driving, but it was fun driving through all the little towns, some of which seemed to exist only because of the highway running through them. At a couple of points, the _old_ Route 66 came into view, sometimes, the road was narrow enough to be a sidewalk. And they stopped and took pictures there, too. The interstate was sometimes so close that they could see it from the highway, but neither of them were tempted to pay the toll and get on.

"We should stop somewhere and get lunch," Tim said.

"But we have snacks!" Tony said, smiling.

"Yes, and delicious and unhealthy as they are, we should have a real meal when we can. We're not far from Oklahoma City. There's got to be someplace we can stop and eat," Tim said. "Then, I'll take over the driving. You've done it all so far today. I can get us to Amarillo."

"Sounds good to me," Tony said. "Where do you want to stop?"

"I don't know. Let's just see what there is."

"Okay. What's coming up next?"

Tim got out the atlas again.

"Let's see... it should be Arcadia next."

"Okay."

They reached the town and as they were driving through, they stopped at a round barn to take a few pictures and then went on their way. Something caught Tony's eye, though, as he drove.

"Hey...what's that?" he asked, pointing ahead. "Do you see a giant soda bottle?"

Tim leaned forward. "Yes."

Tony smiled. "We're stopping."

Tim smiled, too. "Okay."

They pulled off into a rather large parking lot and found themselves at POPS Soda Ranch which billed itself as the biggest soda collection in America...and it looked like it.

"Wow," Tony said when they walked into the building.

Bottles of soda were everywhere, and they weren't just the normal kinds. There were literally hundreds of different flavors and hundreds of bottles of each flavor. It was almost overwhelming.

"Well... do you want to eat here or go somewhere else?" Tim asked, pointing to the counter were they could get burgers.

"Let's eat here," Tony said. "We have to get some souvenirs here, too. ...and some soda to try. I'd say we could take it back with us for everyone else, but we couldn't take it into the airport."

"Okay, let's get a six-pack. That will let us get six different flavors...and I need to have something normal."

"Okay," Tony said, "but only _one_ normal flavor. Everything else has to be different."

Tim laughed. "This is like...Jelly Bellies only with soda. There's no way of knowing what will be good and what will be bad."

"Yeah. Divide and conquer?"

"Okay."

They split up and started picking out their three. Tony picked a lemon lime as his normal bottle. Then, he chose Corn Squeezing Citrus and a cola-looking soda called MacFuddy. He caught up with Tim as he was picking his last bottle.

"What did you get, Probie?" he asked.

"A ginger ale which I may need to have last with these," Tim said, holding up his other two choices.

"Avery's Swamp Juice and Jack Black's Scarecrowberry. Okay. Let's get a normal burger and fries."

"Sounds like a plan."

They bought their soda and ordered their food. It wasn't too busy since it was a Monday afternoon, so they didn't have a long wait. They set the food and normal flavors aside while they tried the weird ones. The Scarecrowberry was supposed to be butter and strawberry jam, but Tim said it was just carbonated yuck. The Corn Squeezing Citrus was okay. A little thicker than soda usually was. The MacFuddy tasted a lot like Dr. Pepper with cherry which Tony didn't care for so much but Tim liked. The Swamp Juice turned out to be surprisingly good. It was a black cherry soda with some spice in it. After the sampling, they ate their burgers and then went to the gift shop area to buy souvenirs. Tony bought a t-shirt for Jo and Tim got a keychain. They took some pictures. They saved their six-pack, but they took pictures of some of the others. Occasionally, they would put on mock horrified faces at the names of the flavors. Tony had Tim take one of him running down one of the aisles his arms out to the different bottles. Then, they took pictures by the giant soda bottle out front.

And then, it was time to move on, and Tim was at the wheel as they headed on to Oklahoma City.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

They got gas in Oklahoma City and Tony got them onto I-40 which was where they would stay, at least until Amarillo. That made it easy. They could keep their eyes open for anything interesting to see, but they had easy driving, too.

...which gave Tony a chance to ask a question he'd been wanting to ask.

"So...Tim."

Tim smiled a little as he drove.

"What, Tony?"

"Delilah seemed really determined to have you go on this trip."

"Yeah, she was."

"Even though she's going to have twins any time now."

"It could still be another month," Tim said. "We hope it'll still be another month."

"But you're so worried that you have her mom coming to stay with her."

"That was Delilah's idea, not mine," Tim said.

Silence. Then, Tim glanced at him.

"Was there a question in there somewhere?" he asked.

Tony smiled at the prevaricating. Tim knew exactly what was being asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"Why did Delilah think of it? Well, she thought it would be a good idea to have her mom..."

Tony interrupted quickly. "Why did she want you to come on this trip? I think she wanted it more than you did."

"Not more, but as much as, just in a different way," Tim said.

"No distractions, Tim," Tony said. "Why?"

Tim shrugged. A sure sign that he didn't really want to answer and was trying to be nonchalant.

"She said that I need to learn that I can have fun with more people than just Tommy," Tim said and smiled. "I told her that I have lots of fun with her."

Tony furrowed his brow.

"Why would she think you don't have fun with anyone else?" Tony asked. Then, he asked the more important question. "Is she right?"

"I guess it depends."

"On what?"

Tim glanced at him. "Don't _you_ count?"

"Do you talk to so few people that you have to count individually, Tim?"

"I talk to my team every day. I work. I go shopping. I'm not a hermit, Tony," Tim said.

"What about Ducky or Jimmy? I know you're avoiding Abby, and I get why, but you're not avoiding the others...are you?"

"I've been to Ducky's house."

"When was the last time?" Tony asked.

"Well...when he invited you over, too."

"What? Tim, that was six months ago," Tony said, in surprise. "You said before that you were spending a lot of time with Breena and Jimmy."

"Yeah...I was...before."

"Why not now?"

"Well, I think Jimmy finally gave up after I was busy so often."

"Busy with what?" Tony asked.

"Oh...anything."

Tim sounded really casual, but Tony was more than surprised by this. He was shocked. He'd had no idea that Tim wasn't doing anything with anyone besides him. Thinking back to that dinner at Ducky's, Tony remembered that he had been a little surprised to have Ducky asking him to come to dinner, to drive over three hours just for an afternoon but he had accepted because he had the time. Ducky hadn't said anything about it being rare. Had he been invited because Ducky knew that Tim would be more likely to come if Tony was there, too?

"Tim...why?"

Tim shrugged again and didn't answer.

"Are you avoiding them, too?"

"Kind of."

"Why? You _know_ that Ducky wouldn't hold anything against you, and I really doubt Jimmy would."

"It's not about that," Tim said.

Tony doubted that, but he wanted to get Tim talking and so he would accept it for the moment.

"Then, what is it about?"

"Who says it's about anything?" Tim asked. "I'm busy. I have a team to oversee. I have a family. ...and I have therapy. I have a lot going on."

"Not on Sundays. Not in the evenings."

"That's family time."

Tony laughed incredulously.

"That's a majorly weak excuse, Tim, and you know it. I guess Delilah knows it, too, if she's so determined."

"Tony, you don't get to decide my schedule," Tim said, sounding a little irritated. "If I'm happy with my life, you don't have the right to tell me it's not good enough!"

"But are you?" Tony asked. "Are you happy cutting everyone out of it but me? Do you do anything with your team besides work?"

"No. That wouldn't be appropriate," Tim said.

Tony didn't ask why. While there had been the occasional dinner with Gibbs (and everyone else), Tim's example of a team lead really had been more distant. And there was no reason to bring up Gibbs right now. This was something different, even if it was related.

"So...are you really happy avoiding Ducky and Jimmy? Do you talk to anyone from the Yard anymore?"

Tim didn't answer. Instead, he pointed.

"Look. Isn't that Route 66 again?"

Reluctantly distracted, Tony looked, and although they were right beside it, it did appear that there was still a road that they could drive on that was not the interstate.

"You want to get on it?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

At the next exit, Tim got off I-40 and onto Route 66. It ran parallel to the interstate most of the time, just like it had with I-44. Since Oklahoma was known for having more of Route 66 preserved that anywhere else in the country, Tony figured that it was worth it to go more slowly and see what there was to see.

And so, they started going through all the small towns again at a slower pace, the awkward conversation momentarily pushed to the side. When they reached Elk City, they decided to stop for gas, just in case. While Tim filled up, Tony went inside and was told about the Country Dove Tea Room which apparently sold the best French silk pie in the world. Tony wasn't necessarily hungry, but it sounded good, and maybe he could get Tim to talk some more when he couldn't avoid Tony's gaze because of driving.

"Hey, you want to get some pie?" he asked when he went back out to the car.

"Pie?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. There's a place here that supposedly sells the best French silk pie. I was told we need to try it. You game?"

"Sure. Okay. Where is it?"

Tony gave him directions and they got to the place after lunch time and so it was almost empty. The restaurant was really just an old house which had been built in the 1920s and so it was a combination museum and café. They walked in and ordered just the pie and then sat down in a room so floral that someone with allergies would start sneezing just from the wallpaper.

"Wow," Tony said, while they waited for their pie. "This has got to be a chick place."

"Probably. Your idea, remember."

Tony grinned. "Yes, it was. If the pie is good, that's fine with me."

"Okay."

They waited for a few more minutes and then got their pie. Tony dug in and Tim followed suit.

"It's good," Tim said.

"Worth the stop?"

"Are you paying?"

Tony grinned again. "Sure."

"Then, it's worth it," Tim said with a smile.

They continued eating. The slices weren't monstrous and so they finished fairly quickly...without any further conversation about Tim avoiding people. Not wanting to linger too long, Tony paid and they went back out to the car. As they headed out of town, they both noticed the huge drilling rig and so they headed to it and got a picture of Rig 114, one the largest drilling rigs on display.

And then, it was back onto the road.

And Tony didn't want to leave the topic behind that easily. Once they were back on the road, he decided that he would push it again.

"Tim, are you happy not seeing Ducky and Jimmy? If you don't want to, then, you're right, I shouldn't force you to...but is that really how you feel?"

Tim shrugged again.

"No, really. Tim, why would you avoid them?"

Tim was silent for a few minutes, but Tony could tell that this silence would lead to conversation, so he waited.

"You're not in D.C. anymore, Tony. You haven't seen the looks I get. Everyone knows what happened to me. Everyone. No one says anything, but everyone knows it. The first time I was back on the Yard, even Lovitz asked if I was okay."

"What's wrong with that?" Tony asked. "Lovitz has always been a nice guy. If anyone was going to ask, it'd be him."

Tim looked at him for a moment.

"It wasn't that he asked. It was _how_ he asked. It was just like how people would talk to me after I got out of the psychiatric hospital before. They look at me like I'm made of delicate glass and would crack if they breathed wrong. And every time I went to the Yard, those are the looks I'd get. So I started just sending my team over instead, unless I _had_ to be there. I don't get it so much at the D.C. office. But then, they know me there."

"Everyone knows you at the Yard, too," Tony said. "You worked there for more than a decade, Tim. They're not strangers. You're probably just reading something into it because you're sensitive to it."

Tim shook his head, and Tony saw his hands tighten on the wheel.

"No. That's not what I'm doing. People don't know what to do with me anymore, Tony. I can feel them looking at me and wondering when the next breakdown is going to happen. ...and I can't help but wonder that, too. It's happened twice. Sure, it was in extreme situations, but what's the next extreme situation going to be and can I handle it?"

Tim was silent for a few seconds, just long enough that Tony started to say something. But then, Tim spoke again, almost in a whisper.

"...and what will I do to my family the next time? What will I do to _you_ the next time? What will I do to everyone around me?"

Tony was surprised at how far the conversation had fallen and how little time it had taken for that to happen. He knew it was his own fault for asking what he had known could be a loaded question, but he was still surprised.

"So... You're trying to reduce the number of people you're interacting with just in case?"

Tim smiled a little. "But I'm too selfish to get rid of everybody. I still have my family and I haven't pushed you away like I probably should since you're the one who gets dumped on more than anyone else when I fall apart."

"Tim, I thought you were getting help for that," Tony said, not sure what else to say.

To his surprise, Tim's smile actually widened slightly.

"I am. That's why I haven't tried to make you leave me alone," Tim said. "That's why I'm still having fun with my family."

"But... Tim, there's no reason to give up on being friends with Ducky or with Jimmy. Your issue was with Gibbs, not with them," Tony said, risking saying Gibbs' name outright. "If everyone knows, then, they also know that it was Gibbs' fault, not yours."

"But he's the one who's gone, not me."

"Yeah, because he resigned. Because _he_ made that choice."

Silence fell again, and Tony tried to think of something else to say because he didn't feel like he'd made anything better and he didn't want to leave the conversation in such a negative state, especially when the conversation had started because of him anyway.

"Tim..."

"Don't worry, Tony," Tim said, still with an annoying, knowing smile on his face. "It's just the way things are. I'm fine. I don't need lots of friends. I've _never_ had lots of friends. I have people I care about and that's all I need."

"I _am_ worried," Tony said, "because you seem to think that you have to hide yourself away like you're ashamed of who you are, like there's something wrong with you, when there's no reason to think that."

Another silence.

"Yes, there is," Tim said, quietly.

"What?"

"I'm always ashamed of what I've done, of the things in my head that I still can't get rid of. I'm ashamed of them. It's not that I don't know that you're probably right about everyone else, about what they might be thinking, but it doesn't change _me._ It doesn't change all that junk in my head that more than a year of therapy hasn't been able to get rid of. I'm better, Tony. I really am. I'm not perfect. No one is, but I'm better. It's just that..." Tim stopped and sighed as he stared out the windshield at another small town coming into view and disappearing almost as quickly.

"Just what?" Tony asked.

"It's just that I can't stop thinking of how much I hurt everyone. I've hurt too many people and I don't want to add to the list if I fall apart again." Tim glanced at him. "I'm not like you, Tony. You only hurt yourself. I hurt other people. I try to withdraw, but I lash out when I can't. I forget about everyone but myself. I haven't done that to Jimmy yet. I haven't done it to Ducky yet. I've already done it to you and to Delilah and..." Tim broke off.

Tony didn't have to be a genius to guess that Tim might have been about to say Gibbs' name, but if Tim wasn't ready to address the stuff with Gibbs, Tony was happy to focus on the current topic instead.

"What does Dr. Bourning say about all that?" Tony asked. "I'm guessing that you've talked about this to him at least once?"

Tim let out an exhale of laughter.

"Once? I can't count the number of times it's come up. He says that I'm not learning from what happened, that I'm still trying to punish myself since I can't get punishment from anyone else."

"Is he right?"

"I don't know. Maybe. If he is, he's not completely right."

"You really think you're doing Jimmy and Ducky a favor by cutting yourself off from them, then," Tony said.

"Yes," Tim said. "We should probably fill up here. We're almost to Texas and I don't think there's much between here and Amarillo."

"What?" Tony asked, surprised by the sudden shift in topics.

"This town has a gas station," Tim said, patiently. "We should probably fill up. It's your turn to pay. And I promised Delilah I'd call early enough to talk to Tommy, so I'll do that while you're getting gas."

Tim pulled off into a small service station and got out of the car, leaving Tony a little bemused. He sat there for a few seconds, wondering what he should do and then got out and started to fill the tank. It wasn't that they were almost out of gas, but one never knew when there might be a long stretch of no services. They'd seen that a number of times the year before. He looked over and sat Tim standing off to the side, on his phone and smiling.

"Hey, Tommy. Guess what I saw today."

Tony couldn't help but smile as Tim pulled the phone away from his ear a little bit, probably to escape Tommy's shouting.

"I saw a _big_ bottle of soda. Bigger than our house. And I saw a totem pole." Another pause. "Have Mommy tell you what that is."

The odd thing about all this was that Tim _was_ obviously happy. He had said that he was happy with his family and it was clear that he meant it. He enjoyed being with them. He had put all his efforts into making them happy, and they were a happy family. It was just that it was equally obvious that Delilah was still concerned, and with what Tim had said today, Tony could see why. It wasn't the fear and anxiety of a year ago, just a lingering worry that Tim was selling himself short, putting himself down, and not letting go of his perceived guilt. Only this time, he'd transferred the guilt from being about Allison Jenkins' death to being about hurting his family in a time when he'd not been thinking clearly.

"Yep. I love you, too, Tommy. Put your mom back on. Hey, Delilah. Yeah, it's fine. We'll get to Amarillo tonight. Then, we'll see how far we get tomorrow. Tony wants to see the Grand Canyon, so we'll probably spend a day doing that."

Tony hadn't realized that Tim was already planning on that. It would have happened anyway, but still...

"Right. Love you. Of course, I'll call. Bye."

Tim hung up and walked over.

"Ready to keep going?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to keep hounding me about everything?" Tim asked, bluntly. But again, there was that strange smile, as if Tim didn't really mind it, but he still did at the same time.

Tony put his hands on Tim's shoulders.

"I'll drop it for now, but I'll just say this: Tim, you are one of the greatest guys I know. You do _not_ have any reason to think badly of yourself. Everyone has things they wish they hadn't done. You learn from it and move on. But you shouldn't be ashamed. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of. Okay?"

Still that smile. "Okay. Let's get going. Once we get into Texas, we'll be on I-40. Texas didn't preserve much of the original road."

"Well, it'll be faster anyway."

"Yeah. About an hour and a half to Amarillo."

"Good. Let's go."

They got in the car and kept driving.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was relieved when Tony finally stopped pushing him about Ducky and Jimmy, about how he felt. It was like being in a therapy session again and he didn't want to deal with that on the trip. Let this just be fun. If only Tony would stop thinking he had to somehow save Tim from himself. The last thing Tim wanted was for Tony to start doing that again.

Regardless, Tony seemed willing to stop, even if he'd added a qualifier to that.

For now.

They drove through a couple of small towns, but they didn't amount to much. Then, Tony pointed out the window.

"Hey, look at that water tower. It's leaning."

"Is it going to fall over?" Tim asked.

"I don't know... It's not moving. Weird. Take the off ramp."

"Okay."

Gladly, Tim drove to the water tower. It was simple enough to do. The off ramp put them on a frontage road and then, there was the tower, just sitting in a field with a place where it was easy to pull off.

"What is this?" Tony asked as Tim stopped the car.

"A leaning tower...of Texas," Tim said, grinning.

Tony looked at him and then smiled, too. Tim was relieved.

"Britten, USA," Tony read. "But the town we were coming to was Groom. Why is this thing here?"

"I don't know."

Tony looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Tim knew why.

"Are you trying to say that you want me to look it up?"

"Yes!"

Tim pulled out his phone and looked it up. He was slightly disappointed to find that he wasn't the first person to come up with the leaning tower of Texas quip. That was what it was called.

"It's not falling," Tim said after reading for a few seconds.

"Could have fooled me."

"It's a marketing ploy. Some guy named Britten used to have a service station right here and he bought the water tower and installed it on a tilt to get people to stop and buy stuff."

Tony laughed. "No way. Really?"

"Really. It worked, but the service station burned down and they never rebuilt."

"So there's just this random tilted water tower."

"Yep."

Tony looked at it and then grinned.

"Okay. Pictures."

"All right."

They both took turns posing in front of the water tower, took a few pictures of the tower at different angles. They looked at the structure and saw how sturdy it was. No danger of it falling over, at least not anytime soon. Then, it was back in the car and they kept driving.

"Looks like that might be what's left of the service station over there," Tim said, pointing to a derelict building.

"Yeah," Tony agreed.

He took a couple of pictures and then, the road merged back onto the interstate and they continued on their way. The sun was going down as they reached Amarillo.

"Find us a hotel. We can stop at the Cadillac Ranch in the morning," Tim said.

"Sounds like a plan," Tony said.

Tim glanced at Tony a few times as he searched for a hotel. He desperately hoped that getting to the hotel would not mean another painful conversation about the past. Couldn't they just have fun? Couldn't Tony just let himself enjoy their time without trying to make things better? They were good enough.

"Okay, Tim. I've got a hotel. It's just off the interstate. Take the next exit and go left."

"Okay."

They got to the hotel and checked in. It was another middle-of-the-road kind of place. Not too cheap, not too pricy. This one was a little on the old side, but it was clean. They went into the room and dropped their bags on the floor.

"You want to shower first?" Tony asked.

"Sure," Tim said, relieved to get a chance to escape the possibility of more conversation about painful subjects.

He grabbed his things and went into the bathroom quickly. Then, he sat down on the edge of the bathtub and grimaced. There had been a lot of fun today, until Tony had started asking about Tim's life. He had this ability to ask the most difficult questions. Tim didn't want to answer difficult questions on this trip. He did that every week in therapy.

But so far, Tony had been willing to set it aside. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe he'd leave it and let them just enjoy themselves. No sacrifices. No anxiety. No serious stuff. Just fun.

After a few minutes, Tim took a breath and decided to get going on showering. No sense in making Tony wait for no reason.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Tony looked at the closed door. He was more than a little perplexed, but he could also tell that Tim didn't want to talk about it. It was just that he didn't like Tim feeling so down on himself. But would it be better to try and change his mind or would it be better to just have fun?

Tony decided he needed some advice.

Who better than Ducky? If someone dumped on Ducky in hard times, Tony knew that he was the one who did it more than anyone else. He relied on Ducky for help when he couldn't figure things out, but unlike Tim apparently, Tony knew that Ducky didn't mind it and that he was happy to help if he could.

He pulled out his phone and dialed.

" _This is Donald Mallard."_

"Hey, Ducky. That sounds weird," Tony said, smiling.

" _Anthony! It's nice to hear from you. Well, I happen to be forming a circle of friends who choose to use my given name. The diminutive nickname doesn't seem to have followed me from NCIS."_

"Does it bother you?"

" _Which?"_ Ducky asked, sounding amused. _"That few at my place of employ used my real name or that my new friends are too formal to use a nickname?"_

"Uh..." That sounded like a trick question to Tony.

Then, Ducky chuckled.

" _I don't mind either one, Anthony. It's just the way things are. People have different circles and different monikers. All are valid in their own ways. How are things going?"_

"Well, Tim and I are on a road trip. Route 66 from Chicago to L.A."

" _Oh, really? What brought this on? With their baby due rather soon, I'm surprised."_

Tony almost corrected him, but then thought the better of it. Tim hadn't given him permission to share news of the twins out as yet.

"Delilah kicked Tim out and told him to take a vacation."

" _Ah, that does sound like her. How are things going?"_

"Better than last year."

" _For both your sakes, I would certainly hope so,"_ Ducky said.

"But I did want to ask your advice."

" _About what? I must confess that I've never been on that particular road, iconic as it is."_

"No. About Tim."

" _I thought you said it was going well."_

"It is. We've mostly been having fun."

" _Then, what is it?"_

"Well... I'll ask you a question first. Did you invite me to dinner six months ago because you figured that Tim would come if I did?"

" _Yes,"_ Ducky said without any hesitation. _"I was happy to have you come for a visit, but I did have that ulterior motive. I've invited him to join me a number of times in the last year, but he's refused more often than not, claiming to be too busy. Knowing how close your friendship has become, I decided to see if he would believe that I don't hold Jethro's retirement against him by seeing how he was treated in my home. Although he did come and seemed to enjoy himself, it doesn't seem to have worked, unfortunately. Jimmy has given up for the moment, but once Delilah has her baby, he plans to try again, by having Breena ask to see the new addition. Children are a good way to re-establish friendships."_

"Why is he doing this to himself?" Tony asked. "It's not right."

" _Guilt, lad,"_ Ducky said. _"It is as simple as that. Surely you haven't missed how badly Timothy has felt for what he put you through on that trip. Even in the midst of his suffering, he felt still worse because he could see what he was doing to everyone else but felt unable to do anything about it. And whether he admits it or not, I believe he harbors some guilt for Jethro's resignation. Until he can work through those feelings, he'll be reluctant to keep ties with anyone outside of those closest to him."_

"But we've been having fun on this trip, Ducky. And he's really happy with his family."

" _Yes. The essentials. Those he cares for the most, the ones he can't bear to lose. Timothy is not on the verge of another breakdown, not from what I've been able to ascertain. I've spoken with Delilah on occasion and she's kept me apprised of how things are going for their family."_

"Oh, really?"

" _Yes. I'm not worried for Timothy's sanity. I'm not worried that he'll fall apart. I'm just a little saddened to see this illustration of how he feels about himself. That he is someone who is not worthy of making and keeping friendships simply because of his misfortune for going through two extremely difficult events, things that would have damaged anyone who went through them. That is what he needs to escape at this point."_

"Is there anything I can do?"

" _Allow him to have fun. If he's open to discussing it, by all means, speak to him about those things. Perhaps he'll even relax enough to bring it up himself. I know that he's felt more stress about having a second child. More than I would have expected, based on what Delilah has told me, but..."_

Tony decided that Ducky deserved to know and that he could be discreet.

"Actually, Ducky, it's because they're having twins."

There was a pause and Tony smiled knowing that he'd managed to surprise Ducky.

" _Really."_

"Yeah. They told me just before we left on the trip. I didn't know before."

" _I had no idea. That certainly would explain the added stress. That is definitely a little frightening to him, I'm sure. In fact, I'm surprised that Timothy was willing to go on this trip at all. I can't imagine that Delilah will go full term, particularly not with twins."_

"Delilah made him go."

" _Of course she did. Well, keep in mind, then, Anthony, that Timothy has a lot of stress on him at the moment. He has his job. He has his ongoing therapy. He has his own emotional recovery still ongoing. It really hasn't been that long since he was at his lowest point. And now, he also has a major change coming to his family. It's probably joyous, but it's also extremely stressful. This trip is probably good for him in more ways than one. It will allow him to set some of that stress aside for a short period. Don't force him to get into things too much. If he doesn't want to talk about it, don't make him. You can ask the questions, but if he shuts you down, I would suggest that you let him. Don't forget that you're part of the guilt he feels."_

"Huh?"

" _I mean that you're one of the people who suffered because of his problems. He very likely doesn't want to put you through that again."_

"But it wouldn't be the same thing!"

" _Not to you, but it very well could be to Timothy. Just keep it in mind."_

"Will do. Thanks, Duck."

" _Anytime. If you get the chance, do give me an update. ...and if it comes up, you can mention that I'm still very open to having a visit."_

"I will," Tony said, smiling. "Bye."

" _Good night."_

Tony hung up and nodded to himself. Have fun. Less stress. Well, that was the point of all this anyway. And maybe he could still nudge Tim into talking about it a little more. He would have to see how things went. This time, he wouldn't push too far.

He looked at the door to the bathroom. Tim was still inside, and no matter what lingering worries Tony might have, he wasn't going to start worrying about Tim being in the bathroom alone again. That was all behind them.

But he seemed to have a few free minutes. He looked at his phone and dialed a different number.

" _Tony!"_ Jo said when she answered, sounding genuinely happy to hear from him. _"How's the road trip going?"_

"Good. We're in Texas."

" _Wow. Already? Does that mean you'll come back early?"_

"No way. Plane tickets would cost way too much to change them now. If we're in California before Saturday, we'll just hang out. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe, I'll get a nice tan."

" _As I recall, you don't need the help there."_

"There's always room for improvement."

" _Oh, but Tony, when you're already at the top, where can you go?"_ Jo asked, dramatically.

Tony responded in kind. "Up into the sky, of course."

They both laughed.

" _So, did you get me anything?"_

"You'll have to wait and see."

" _You won't even give me a little hint?"_

"Nope. You'll have to wait. Isn't it more fun that way?"

" _I don't think so. Waiting requires patience. Virtue or not, I don't have much of it."_

"Well, you can work on that and I'll reward you when I get back with a souvenir or two."

" _I'll take that."_

"How's your work going? Did you get to yell at anyone else today?"

" _Nope. It's been quiet. I'm mostly working on proposals this week. So that I can turn them in to the people I'll get to yell at."_

"I'll take a nice, simple murder over that."

Jo laughed.

" _So you'd rather see a dead person than face a zoning committee?"_

"Yes. Absolutely."

" _You're so weird, Tony. Remind me again why I like you?"_

"Because I'm just that hot," Tony said, grinning.

" _Oh, yeah. Now, I remember."_

"Did you know that speaking in public is the number one fear people have? That's even over death. I remember there's a Seinfeld bit where he says, 'That means that if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be _in_ the casket than giving the eulogy.'"

" _So you're just weird like everyone else, but I'll bet, given the actual option, most people wouldn't be happy about staring at a dead body."_

"No one's happy about facing zoning committees, either."

" _True. Not the same emotion involved."_

"I don't know. Just thinking about it makes me weak in the knees. Or maybe, it's you making me feel that way."

" _Don't get sappy. It's no fun when you're a thousand miles away and I can't do anything about it. Talk to you later, Tony."_

"Back at you, Jo. Bye."

Tony hung up and smiled to himself. He hadn't yet lost his interest in Jo. She was so different from...well, from pretty much every woman he'd dated in his life, but at the same time, she had the same strength as many of the women he'd admired (overtly or otherwise). So far, he was really happy about dating her.

After a few more minutes, the bathroom door opened and Tim came out. He was quiet and looked a bit wary. Tony did regret that, and he tried to act normally without coming off as fake.

"Hey. How's the shower?" Tony asked.

"It's fine. Nothing amazing, but the water pressure is good," Tim said.

"Great. I'm glad to get clean."

"So am I," Tim said. "...glad that _you_ can get clean."

Tony grinned. "That makes two of us, then. It's unanimous."

He grabbed his things and went into the bathroom. Tim was obviously trying not to say anything that would get Tony being serious again, and for the time being, Tony would let things just be about having fun. Ducky had said that letting Tim relax would be useful, and as much as Tony hated letting Tim feel like he had something to be ashamed of, he could agree that, with all the stress Tim was dealing with in his life right now, it might be better to focus on the chance Tim had to relax and set some of that stress aside.

And get more sleep. Tony smiled to himself and set about getting ready for the night.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim watched the door close and sighed. He could see that Tony wanted to say something, but he hadn't. Tim was glad, but he didn't want Tony to be concerned about something that wasn't a big deal. Sure, he didn't have a wide social circle at the moment, but who ever said that it was required that he did? He had the choice to talk to people or not.

Maybe if he could set aside how bad things had been, he wouldn't feel the guilt, too, but he hadn't forgotten the day that he'd gone back to headquarters with his team to get some test results from Abby.

 _Tim was walking with Sarah and Weston. Then, as the elevator doors began to open, he had a sudden feeling that he did_ not _want to see Abby right now. Instead of getting on, he stopped._

" _What's up, Agent McGee?" Weston asked._

" _You two go down and get the report. I need to talk to Agent Lovitz. You can tell me what she has to say about our evidence."_

" _Are you sure?" Sarah asked, tentatively._

" _Yes. Just don't linger, no matter how much Abby talks," Tim said, smiling a little. It was almost genuine._

" _Wouldn't dream of it," Weston said and got on the elevator._

 _Once they were gone, Tim took a breath and walked over to Lovitz' desk. He could feel all the eyes on him as he passed by the part of the bullpen where his desk had been, where Gibbs had once resided._

 _He could tell that there were people whispering, and the ones who weren't were still listening to what was said by the others. He hated this. It was like he had a brand on his face that said,_ Former lunatic, approach with caution.

" _Hey, McGee. How's it going?" Lovitz asked as Tim got closer to his desk._

" _Fine," Tim said, suppressing a grimace. Everyone would know everything that had happened, and Lovitz had seen and heard the same things as everyone else. He might even know more since he was a team lead himself and had been there almost as long as Gibbs had._

Tim still hated to see that kind concern in Lovitz' eyes. It was definitely better than a lot of the others who barely covered their worry that he was insane, but it was still frustrating and embarrassing because it could have been so easily avoided if he had just accepted help early on.

For now, however, it was time to sleep. Tim turned down the covers and got into bed. He hoped he could put off anything serious and just enjoy the upcoming stops.

Maybe some sleep would help. Even after a full night of sleep, Tim was still feeling the tired edge he'd had for the last couple of months. He rolled over and fell asleep almost before his eyes were closed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The bathroom door closing pulled Tim out of his sound sleep. For the second night in a row, he hadn't awakened even once during the night. It was an almost unheard of luxury with the way his life was right now. If he could get lots of sleep on this trip, it might see him through to when Delilah could do some of the parenting duties again. With three kids in the house, it would be good to have the two of them.

That thought pulled him away from the comfort of sleep and onto the major event coming up in his life. They still hadn't really managed to hash out what would happen next. Daycare would be astronomically expensive, and they didn't really like the idea of putting three kids in daycare all day, every day. One of them was going to have to quit their job or else they would have to come up with some other brainstorm. Delilah was going to be on maternity leave for at least three months. Where it was twins, she'd already been talking about taking more time, but still, they had the problem of the long term. At this point, they both made close to the same amount in salary (Tim was a bit higher since his promotion.) and they'd been frugal, trying to save as much as they could. They had some sound investments. It was just a matter of deciding what to do.

 _Battle of the disabilities_ , Tim thought to himself a little bitterly. Which was more debilitating? Delilah's paralysis or his ongoing emotional roller coaster?

"Hey, none of that, Tim."

Tim jumped, looked over and saw that Tony had come out of the bathroom without his noticing.

"None of what?"

"You're thinking about stressful things. I can tell by the look on your face. This is a vacation. No stressing."

"Ha. Very funny," Tim said and sat up.

"What were you thinking about?"

"What's going to happen after Delilah has the twins," Tim said, glad that he could be honest about his most immediate source of stress. "We still haven't decided which of us will quit."

"Oh. Well, which makes more?"

"We're about the same. I make a bit more since becoming a team lead."

"Benefits?"

"Both are federal government jobs."

"Right. Well, I don't have the answer."

Tim smiled. "I didn't expect you to."

"Good, but no more thinking about it. You're not going to solve that on this trip anyway. That's between you and Delilah and she's not here. So set it aside and relax. You need to relax more."

"No kidding," Tim said and sighed. Then, he got up and went into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

He didn't linger in the bathroom, but he wasn't sure he really wanted to deal with another serious conversation, either. Still, if he stayed in too long, Tony would start pestering him through the door. So he took a breath and walked out. Tony was all packed up to go and he walked over to Tim. He slung his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"This is a vacation," he said. "I get that you can't relax all the time, but this is the perfect chance to catch up on some of that, just like your sleep. Can't change how much sleep you get at home, but you can get enough sleep out here."

Tim raised an eyebrow. This was quite a shift from the day before.

"So...are you going to _let_ me relax?"

"I'm going to _make_ you relax, Probie," Tony said with a grin. "You have no choice."

"What brought this on?"

"That's what trips are all about, Tim. I don't know what you're talking about," Tony said innocently.

Tim couldn't figure out what was going on, but he didn't want to start the questions up again, so he shrugged.

"I guess I was mistaken."

"Darn right," Tony said. "Let's get some breakfast and then find this Cadillac Ranch thing."

"Okay..."

Tony just chuckled and let Tim go. He grabbed his bag. Tim followed suit, and they left the room. They got their breakfast and then headed out of the hotel to get on their way. They got out of Amarillo and there was the Cadillac Ranch, just off the road. They parked on the side of the road, climbed through the gate and headed over to the cars.

"So...it really is just cars," Tim said, surprised.

"Not _just_ cars," Tony said. "How many Cadillacs have _you_ seen planted in a field?"

Tim laughed, but it was accurate. The cars really were planted, it looked like nose-down, in the field. He wasn't sure if it was actually nose-down because there was so much graffiti on them that it was difficult to tell what direction they were facing. There were some spray cans laying around and Tony suddenly got a delighted look on his face. Tim could see where his mind was going.

"What are we going to do, Probie?" Tony asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, start thinking, McGenius! We've got to do something here! We can't leave without leaving our mark!"

"Can't you?"

"You should be faster than I am."

Tim rolled his eyes and looked around. Then, he smiled.

"What?" Tony asked. "You've got an idea. I can tell."

Tim leaned over and picked up a spray can. He shook it and there was still paint inside. Then, he walked over to Tony and pulled him over a few feet.

"What are you doing?"

"Give me a dramatic pose, Tony," Tim said.

Tony's brow furrowed.

"What are you doing?" he asked again.

"Just do it!"

Tony shrugged and made an Elvis pose. Tim smiled and nodded. Then, he hurried over to the Cadillac right behind him and began to spray.

...following the line of Tony's shadow which was just the right size for Tim to follow the line. He carefully sprayed all along, although he didn't try to get the exact details of things like Tony's hands, but he got the basic outline.

"There. Done," he said.

Tony turned and grinned.

"Nice! My turn!"

Tony grabbed Tim by the arm and dragged him over to another Cadillac where he forced Tim to do a mock pose of Rodin's _Thinker_. Then, he carefully followed Tim's shadow with neon pink spray paint. (Tony's had been a bright blue.)

"Perfect!" Tony declared. "Now, pictures!"

They both posed by both outlines. Then, Tim suddenly had a thought. He grabbed the pink spray paint and walked around until he found a part that was mostly dark paint. (No part of any of the cars was bare.)

"What are you doing, Probie?" Tony asked.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Okay. It's something, but just wait."

He knelt down and began to spray carefully. Two names and a question mark. Then, he got out his phone and took a photo to send to Delilah.

Tony leaned over and laughed.

"Subtle, Tim."

"Really? I was trying to be obvious," Tim said.

Tony grinned.

"Evelyn and Esther, huh. Kind of old-fashioned names, aren't they?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"So why those?"

Tim smiled as he looked at the names.

"Evelyn means 'wished for'. Esther means 'star'. We've talked about a lot of names, and it seems like a good choice. Of course, Delilah will have to approve."

"They start with the same letter."

"Yeah, but they don't sound alike," Tim said. "That's what we want. They're twins, but they're two separate people."

"Well, send it and see what she thinks."

Tim smiled and did so. Then, they both waited for a few minutes, staring at Tim's phone. For some reason, it wasn't silly that they were waiting for a response when they could just get on their way and see what Delilah said as they were driving. It should have been silly, but it wasn't at all.

Then, his phone dinged a reply.

"Open it, Tim!" Tony said, peering over Tim's shoulder.

Tim opened the reply and they both started laughing.

Tommy was standing over Delilah as she lay in bed, with two signs. One said Evelyn and one said Esther. There were arrows on the signs pointing to different parts of Delilah's stomach. Delilah was smiling with a thumbs up. That was it. No other message. And for some reason there was no question about calling to verify. They were going to leave it at the two photos until Tim got home.

"I guess that means yes?" Tony asked.

"I think so. We'll just have to wait and see when we get back."

"Okay. Anything else you want to do here?"

"Nope."

"Good. Let's get going, then!"

"Okay."

They headed back to the car and then, Tony got a look on his face and Tim groaned. Tony's mouth stretched into a grin.

"No avoiding it, Tim. Just accept it."

"I could plug my ears."

"Wouldn't help. I'd just play it louder," Tony said.

They got in the car and Tony started another version of "Route 66" playing. This one was by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. What was really irritating to Tim was that the song was slowly worming its way into his head. He knew that he wouldn't be able to keep himself from singing along if Tony kept this up. He looked over as Tony sang gustily along with the song. There was a temptation to turn it off...if only he didn't know that Tony would just start it over again.

"Get your kicks on Route 66!" Tony said as the song ended.

Tim gave a loud, long-suffering sigh.

"You love it and you know it."

Tim scoffed.

"Anyway, how far are we going to get today?"

Out came the atlas. Tim knew that Tony found it entertaining that he did this, but he loved it. It was like figuring out a math problem. How far could they go? What would they see? How long would it all take? He loved it.

"Well, Flagstaff is about nine hours away, and we'll be crossing into the Mountain time zone, so we'll gain an hour, too."

"Okay. That works. Let's aim for that. What is there to see?"

"Not much in Texas," Tim said, looking at the map. "And there's very little of the original road in New Mexico. We'll just be on the interstate."

"Sounds good."

They headed off on their way.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony glanced at Tim as he alternated between looking out the window and looking at the atlas. He still seemed a little wary about what Tony might have to say, but he was starting to relax again, and Tony was starting to see what Ducky meant. Tim might be more likely to talk and to hear what Tony had to say if he wasn't already on the defensive.

...and the trip would be more fun that way, anyway.

So he resolved the keep things lighter, unless Tim himself brought it up...for the moment.

They got through Texas and into New Mexico without any trouble.

Then, Tim said, "Mesalands Dinosaur Museum. Want to stop?"

"Where are we?"

"Tuc... Tucumar... No. Tucumcari," Tim said, reading the atlas.

"Sure. We can't stay all day."

"I know that. I just think it would be fun. I haven't been to a dinosaur museum in years."

Tony smiled at how normal Tim sounded. It was almost wistful, a look back at an easier time.

"All right. I haven't, either. We'll stop."

He took the exit and drove to Mesalands Community College. He parked the car and they got out.

"I didn't realize it was going to be at a college," he said.

"Me, neither, but works for me," Tim said.

They went in, bought their tickets and started to wander through the exhibits. It was a fun museum. The first thing they saw was a brontosaurus with a saddle.

"Get on the dinosaur, Probie," Tony ordered.

"I'm too tall, Tony," Tim protested. "This is for kids. Tommy would be the perfect size. Not me."

"Get on the dinosaur," Tony said again. "That's an order!"

"You're not my superior, Tony. You can't order me around," Tim said, although he was grinning. "And you can't make me any shorter than I am."

"Straddle the dinosaur, then. I don't care. Just get on it so I can take a silly picture."

"Okay, okay."

Tim's legs were long enough that he just straddled the dinosaur, but it wasn't as small as he was claiming. He could have sat down and lifted his legs pretty easily. Tony decided not to push it and he just took a couple of pictures. Then, it was off into the museum itself. As Tim had said before, it had been a long time since Tony had been in a dinosaur museum and it was fun to walk around, looking at the fossils. They had dinosaur eggs, a couple of bronze dinosaur statues, and the fossils of a rare dinosaur called the Torvosaurus, a relative of the Tyrannosaurus rex. They actually ended up staying for nearly an hour before they realized how much time had passed and that they need to keep going.

Tim was smiling contentedly as they walked out of the museum, into the bright sunshine.

"That was fun," he said. "Don't you think that was fun?"

"It was, but I didn't think we'd be there for so long."

"Well, neither did I, but it's not like we don't have time. We've covered ground pretty quickly so far," Tim said. "And we got to see some cool fossils. I don't know if I've ever seen dinosaur eggs before."

They got in the car and Tim was driving this time.

"I'm pretty sure I haven't," Tony said.

"Well, back onto the road, then. Let's keep going."

"Sounds good to me," Tony said.

They got back onto I-40 and continued on. Tony was looking at the atlas when he suddenly saw something that made him grin.

"Hey, Tim, watch for exit 256."

"Why? What's off exist 256?" Tim asked.

"Las Vegas," Tony said, grinning.

"What? It can't be. Las Vegas is way over in Nevada."

"Yep. This is Las Vegas, New Mexico. We're going to stop there."

Tim glanced at him with a furrowed brow that was so totally Tim that Tony wanted to celebrate.

"What? Why?"

"Because we're _not_ going to stop at Las Vegas, Nevada."

The furrow deepened. "So? What does that have to do with going to Las Vegas, New Mexico?"

"There's another Las Vegas, Probie. We're stopping there. Take exit 256 when we come to it and stop arguing."

There was nearly an eye roll, but Tim managed to suppress it. Tony just started whistling their theme song for a few seconds... before Tim turned up the radio to cover the sound. Tony just chuckled.

When exit 256 came up, Tim looked at Tony and dutifully took the exit, putting them on US-84. They drove to Las Vegas, NM, and found themselves in a quaint little town with historic buildings everywhere they looked. But Tony wanted a building with a Las Vegas sign on it. After a little driving, they found one on a sign near downtown.

"Okay, Tim. I need a picture under this sign," Tony said.

"Of course you do," Tim said.

Even though Tim was acting a little less enthused, this was still normal. Tony knew that Tim would have been like this even before. There was nothing in Las Vegas, NM that they particularly wanted to see. It was historic, definitely, but they were only stopping because of the name.

Still, Tim dutifully took the pictures Tony wanted him to take and then, Tony ordered Tim to pose as well. Tim again was obedient. Then, it was back into the car.

"So...now, what?" Tim asked. "You want to make a stop at Paris? Or maybe Moscow or Heidelberg?"

Tony could see the twinkle in Tim's eye that told him that Tim wasn't really irritated even if he was acting like it.

"Nope. No time for that, Probie. We've got to get on our way."

Tim did roll his eyes that time, but it was with a smile.

"Well, are we going to backtrack?"

"Nope. No backtracking," Tony said. "You just start driving west and I'll figure out where we're going."

"That seems like a bad plan."

"I'll let you stop and get gas, then," Tony said, staring at the atlas, determined to figure it out without the GPS.

"Okay."

Tim drove to a gas station while Tony got everything figured out. There was a strange silence in the car, but Tony was choosing to ignore it.

"Whose turn is it?" Tim asked.

"I don't remember."

"I'll get it."

"Okay."

Tim got out and Tony refocused on the atlas. It looked like they could just make a bit of a loop and drop down into Albuquerque and get back onto the interstate. That would work. It would be slower and maybe they wouldn't make it all the way to Flagstaff, but that didn't matter. They were ahead of schedule anyway. He looked at the map again.

Tim got back in the car.

"Hey, have you heard of Sandia Crest?" Tony asked.

"Nope. Should I have?" Tim asked.

"I doubt it. Want to go?"

"What is it? Where is it? And how long will it take to get there?"

Tony looked at Tim and grinned. "It's a mountain. It's in the Sandia Range, and I don't know."

"Ah, one of _those_ stops. You driving?"

"Your turn."

"Your idea."

"Uh..." Tony scrambled to think of something to put it back on Tim again.

"And mountain driving?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. Probably."

"You drive. I'll navigate," Tim said and held out the keys.

"Come on!"

"No way. I'm not navigating a mountain road. You want to see it. You're driving and I'll drive again when we're out of the mountains."

"Okay, okay."

Tony took the keys and they switched sides. They got going.

He was willing to drive, but he definitely hoped that it was worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

After about the twentieth switchback, Tony was wondering if anything would make this drive worth it. Not as bad as it could have been, but there had been a few sharp turns to get up the mountain.

"How many more switchbacks, Probie?" Tony asked.

"Just five or so. We're almost there," Tim said. "Remember that this was _your_ idea."

"You could have talked me out of it," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "When have I _ever_ been able to talk you out of _anything_?"

"There's got to be one time."

"I doubt it. It was your idea and I just made you do the driving."

Tony smiled and kept his focus on the road as they went around yet another switchback.

And suddenly, they were in a parking lot.

"We made it!" Tony said, almost surprised.

"Well, I would hope so," Tim said. "I'd hate to think you started on this drive planning on us dying on the way up."

Tony grimaced and then glared at Tim before finding a parking place. He parked and they paid the fee before walking to the overlook.

"Wow," Tony said. "That's quite the view."

And it was. The crest wasn't quite a mountain peak. It was a long line of mountains all about the same height without much separation, but the Sandia Mountains gave a wonderful view of the valley below, including the city of Albuquerque which they'd be driving through soon enough. Then, Tony realized that Tim wasn't right next to him. He was standing back, just a little. Tony smiled.

"No glass floors this time, Tony. Please don't try to make me get closer than I want to be," Tim said. He was only half joking.

"I promise. There's no way I'd risk letting you get hurt. Delilah would kill me and you're not worth that."

"Well, I'm glad something will stop you."

"There has to be something, doesn't there."

"I guess so."

That strange expression flitted across Tim's face again, but he didn't say anything and Tony didn't address it. Instead, they both started taking pictures of the view. Tim didn't stay way back, but when Tony was leaning as far forward as he could to take a picture, Tim was standing a few feet away from the wall or the railing to take his photos.

"We need one picture of the two of us, McGee," Tony said. "Just one, and I won't make you get too close. Just close enough that we can see that we're on top of the world."

"Lookin' down on creation?" Tim asked.

"Huh?"

"Carpenters?" Tim suggested.

"You like the Carpenters?"

"I didn't say that. You said it...and you knew the song. So _you_ like the Carpenters?"

"I didn't say that, either."

Tim grinned. "You know the words. I can see it. You're just beating them back because you've decided it's not cool to like a group like that."

"If you think it's fine, then _you_ start singing."

Tony knew that Tim never would. He wasn't like that. He didn't perform like Tony did. There weren't too many people up here, but there were enough that Tim wouldn't do it.

He wouldn't. Tony knew it.

And Tony was wrong.

Suddenly, Tim walked over to a part of the overlook...

...and he started to sing, holding his phone up like a microphone.

"Such a feelin's comin' over me  
There is wonder in most everything I see  
Not a cloud in the sky  
Got the sun in my eyes  
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream.

Everything I want the world to be  
Is now coming true especially for me  
And the reason is clear  
It's because you are here  
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen."

At first, Tony was so shocked that he wasn't even sure of what to do, but then, he realized that Tim wasn't using his phone like a microphone. He was actually singing _into_ it. He had managed to call someone without Tony noticing.

"I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation  
And the only explanation I can find  
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around  
Your love's put me at the top of the world."

There was a couple openly staring as Tim sang, facing the valley below. Tony looked at them and grinned. They chuckled and then went on their way as Tim stopped his impromptu concert and turned around.

"Who were you singing to, Tim?" Tony asked.

"No one," Tim said, his face more than a little red.

"Oh, come on."

"No, I wasn't. I was making a video and now I'm going to send it to Delilah."

"Well, it was very 70s."

"Ha. Very funny," Tim said.

"Could you sing the second verse, too?"

"Probably not. It's been a while. I wasn't sure I'd remember the first verse."

"Well, I'm sure she'll be heartily impressed."

"She'd better be," Tim said. "I'm heartily embarrassed."

"Then, why did you do it?" Tony asked.

Tim shrugged and they went on their way. They found someone to take a picture of them with the mountains and valley visible behind them. Then, Tony saw the gift shop.

"We have to go in here and buy something," he said.

"Okay. I'm fine with that."

They went into the Sandia Crest House, and realized it was more than a gift shop.

"Hey, they have food! You want to get something to eat up here? It's probably a bit pricy but..."

"...but how often are we going to be able to eat in a restaurant on top of a mountain?" Tim finished.

"Exactly."

"I'm fine with that, too, but let's buy souvenirs first. Then, eat."

"Sounds good."

The gift shop was mostly the usual t-shirts and knickknacks and such, but there were a few nicer things, including some locally-made jewelry. Thinking of Jo, Tony walked over to the jewelry displays. He looked through what was available and decided to buy a simple silver necklace. The charm was sterling silver with a single, small turquoise bead. It was pretty but not too expensive. Always a good combination. He looked over and saw Tim picking out a square-shaped glass pendant with shades of green running through it.

"Nice choice, Tim."

Tim looked up, startled, and then smiled a little awkwardly.

"I don't buy Delilah a lot of jewelry. I think the wedding ring was the last successful jewelry purchase I made."

"Oh, come on. I'll bet she loves it."

Tim shook his head. "Not usually. Usually, she's just polite about it."

Tony had a hard time believing that, but he let it pass.

"What did you get?" Tim asked.

"A necklace for Jo." Tony held it up.

"That's pretty. I like it."

"I do, too."

They both kept their necklace choices and then bought a few t-shirts before grabbing something to eat in the restaurant part of the shop. They had beautiful views as they ate and then it was back to the car.

"You drive us back down and I'll drive the rest of the way today," Tim said.

"Deal," Tony said. He wasn't thrilled, but he'd get a break from driving as soon as they got down.

It was mostly quiet as they went down the mountain, and there was a feeling in the air that Tony couldn't identify. It was almost anticipatory, although he didn't know why. He just felt like it meant something was coming. He just wasn't sure what _it_ was.

They got down and Tony drove them to a gas station to fill up the tank and switch drivers. He was relieved to have the break from driving, but it was a lot later than they'd planned.

"Tim, I don't think we're going to make Flagstaff," he said.

"I don't, either. Too much time doing other things. That's okay. We'll figure it out."

"Okay. I guess that means _I'll_ figure it out."

"Yeah, I think so, too," Tim said and smiled a little.

"Okay."

Tony got out the atlas and started looking at it in more detail.

"What's going on, Tony?" Tim asked, after a few seconds.

Tony looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that yesterday you were all over me, being pushy and confrontational, and today, you're acting like nothing happened. What's going on?"

"I just had a change of heart," Tony said. "Nothing big."

"No," Tim said, sternly. "No, don't just pass this off as if it's nothing. What's going on?"

Tony decided to gloss over having called Ducky. Tim didn't need that added stress of knowing that people really were talking about him.

"It occurred to me that you might just start feeling better about things if you had some time to really relax and stop stressing, even if I'd rather try to force you to feel better. It occurred to me that my good intentions might not be helping."

"And?"

"And so, I decided that I'd back off and hopefully you'll figure out what a great guy you are some other way."

Tim's brow furrowed. "Meaning?"

"Meaning that you need to set your life aside more and relax while you can."

"I have too many things to worry about to set it aside," Tim said. "They don't go away just because I'm not there."

"What's the list?"

"I have to worry about my job. It's stressful even in the best of circumstances. I have to worry about my wife having twins. I have to worry about my son and making sure that he doesn't get lost in the shuffle while everyone's worrying about the twins. I have to worry about me. I have to worry about...about what's going to happen in a few months when the maternity leave is over and we have to figure out what's going to happen next."

Tony hesitated and then decided to ask.

"Have _you_ thought about quitting?" he asked.

"Yeah."

That was it.

"And?"

"And sometimes, it seems like a good idea. Sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes, I think it would be better for everyone if I just gave up and threw in the towel, admitted that I'm just not suited for this. Sometimes, I just can't fathom giving up the job I've always wanted."

Tony was about to disagree, but Tim added one more thing.

"But Delilah says no," he said with a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Because I wouldn't be quitting because I really wanted to. I'd be quitting because I didn't think I should be there...or something. But she's said that I can't quit. But she doesn't know if she wants to quit, either. We have the time. She's getting maternity leave and, because of the circumstances, Vance is going to give me paternity leave, too. We have the time, but we still don't know how _much_ time because...she could go into labor any day."

Silence fell, and Tony was going to move on when suddenly, Tim added something. His grip on the wheel tightened a little.

"And I'm really scared, Tony," he said, almost in a whisper.

"Of what?"

"Of something going wrong. I don't feel like I can talk about it at home. Delilah doesn't need to dwell on it. Tommy is too young to understand, but it's always there in the back of my mind. Twins are always a little more risky, a little more dangerous for both the mother and the babies. And for Delilah...it's been so hard for her this time around. I'm so scared that something is going to go really horribly wrong and...I'll lose her or them or both. I don't know if I could..."

"You could," Tony said, interrupting before Tim could talk himself into something worse. "You won't have to, but you could deal with whatever you had to deal with."

"I just wish things could be easy. I wish my life wasn't so hard."

"I hate to tell you, Tim, but that's not really what you want."

"Huh?" Tim asked, looking over at him for a moment.

"You don't want things easy. You never have."

"I certainly don't want them to be hard."

"Yes, you do."

Tim actually seemed a little irritated, but Tony smiled.

"You've got the life you want, pretty much, right?"

"I guess so."

"Then, you don't want it easy. You want a job? Your job is hard. It's always going to _be_ hard, even at its best, and yet, you've always wanted it and even now, you're saying that you don't want to give it up. You wanted a wife? You've got that. Marriage is hard. Look at..." He stopped himself before mentioning Gibbs. "Look at what's going on all over in the country. People getting divorced right and left for every reason under the sun or for no reason other than boredom. Marriage isn't easy and lots of people aren't willing to work for the hard stuff. So that's hard. Kids? Kids are hard. Really hard. The rewards make them worth it, but they're hard. So you don't want easy. You want hard and you've got it."

Tim was quiet for a few minutes.

"But sometimes, I just want to run away from everything. Get away from the hard stuff and not have to think about it."

"I'll bet everyone does. That's why you take a vacation. Go on a road trip. So that you can remember the good stuff that compensates for the hard stuff."

"Couldn't the hard stuff be easy every now and then?" Tim asked, almost smiling but sounding a little plaintive.

"Sure. I'll bet that, when your twins are born, you'll have a split second where nothing matters but them and it will be the easiest thing in the world and I hope I'm there to see it because I'll bet you'll have the goofiest smile on your face ever."

Now, Tim did smile, but there was a bit of anxiety there, too. Tony didn't blame him. He was relieved that Tim would admit to that much. So he put out his hand and squeezed Tim's shoulder.

"It's okay to admit that it's too hard sometimes, Tim. Doesn't make you weak or wimpy or dumb. It just makes you human."

Tim's smile wavered a little, but he didn't reply to that statement. That was okay. Tony knew he'd heard it.

"Now. How far do you want to go?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. It's probably another five hours to Flagstaff, isn't it?"

Tony looked at the map.

"Yeah. Pretty close, I think. You have five hours of driving in you?"

"I don't know, Tony. It'll be close to eleven. Do you want to push it that much?"

"I'm not the one driving, Tim," Tony said. "It's totally up to you. If you want to stop sooner, I'll see what I can find. If not, I'll find a hotel in Flagstaff."

It was quiet for a few minutes. Tony let Tim think about it. It was definitely his decision.

"Tomorrow is when we'll be going to the Grand Canyon."

"Yeah, but we have all day for that," Tony said. "It's not a big deal."

"No," Tim said, firmly. "You really want to go there. I can tell. It's like Mount Rushmore. It means something for you to go there. I want you to have as much time there as possible, and if we have to spend three hours driving there tomorrow, that's three hours we won't have there. So we'll go all the way to Flagstaff."

"Tim..."

"No! Flagstaff," Tim said. "You can find us a hotel there."

"Okay, okay."

Tony wondered at Tim's determination, but then, as Ducky had said, Tim was still feeling guilty about what he'd put people through. It was entirely possible that he felt that Tony needed the chance to do something _he_ wanted to do. Tony found a hotel and booked it. It was a nicer hotel because, by the time they got there, Tony was pretty sure that they'd both be wanting to have a nice bed to sleep in.

"Got one in Flagstaff," he said.

"Good."

Silence again.

"I want you to have fun, Tony," Tim said, after a while. "I don't want it to be about me this time."

"It's not. Well... it is, but that's because it's about both of us. We're both having fun. Both of us."

"We're still going to Flagstaff," Tim said.

Tony chuckled. "Okay. Just don't fall asleep. Neither of us would be having fun, then."

"I know."

They drove along I-40, managing to talk, Tony mostly trying to make sure that Tim stayed awake and alert as the sun went down and it got dark.

They were about an hour's drive away from Flagstaff.

"Oh, the Meteor Crater," Tim said, suddenly into a lull in the conversation.

"Huh?" Tony asked. He'd almost been drowsing.

"The Meteor Crater. I remember seeing pictures of that in my textbooks when I was a kid. Always wanted to go there, but I never did. I'm sure it's closed now...at ten p.m."

"What is it?" Tony asked. "Or is it as obvious as it sounds?"

"It's as obvious as it sounds," Tim said. "It's a relatively recent crater formed about 50,000 years ago. The crater is nearly a mile wide. It's privately owned, but people can still go there. I hadn't thought about it being so close. I knew it was in Arizona, but I never thought we'd be driving anywhere near it."

Tim was silent again. After a few more miles, the exit for Meteor Crater Road came up and Tim seemed a little wistful, even in the darkness of the car.

"Oh, well," he said. "I have no idea how far we'd have to drive to get to it anyway. It could be a terrible road, too."

"Yeah. Who knows when it's privately owned?" Tony agreed. "It could be really terrible."

"Yeah. And maybe it wouldn't be as cool in person anyway."

"Yeah."

And suddenly, Tony decided that they were going to make it to Meteor Crater. If they didn't have time on Wednesday, they'd go on Thursday before they started toward California again. Tim really seemed to want to see it and there was no reason that they couldn't backtrack just a little bit to see something he really wanted to see. That was the _only_ reason Tony would let them backtrack.

But he didn't say anything. He was sure that Tim would resist out of some misguided feeling that he shouldn't let Tony do anything for him. That didn't matter. He was going to get them there.

Finally, the lights of Flagstaff began to appear. Tony directed Tim to the hotel, called Little America, just off I-40. When they got there, both of them were exhausted after the long day. They checked in and went to their room.

Tim dumped his bag on the floor, kicked off his shoes and then lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. Tony smiled a bit at that and got ready for bed. When he came out of the bathroom, Tim actually looked genuinely asleep.

"Tim?"

A muffled, incoherent noise was all the acknowledgment he got.

"You should really do a little more than take off your shoes to go to bed."

"Don...wanna," Tim mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Do it anyway."

Reluctantly, Tim opened his eyes and sat up. He grabbed some clothes, stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door. Tony was feeling tired himself, but he was really seeing just how tired Tim had been. Normally, he would be tired from driving for the last few hours, but not that tired. A couple of minutes later, Tim stumbled out of the bathroom, eyes only half open and went back to the bed. This time, he lay down under the covers. His eyes closed all the way and he seemed to be asleep in seconds.

"Tim?" Tony asked, very softly.

No reply. With a smile, Tony lay down.

And fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It was only with reluctance that Tim regained consciousness after he had fallen asleep the night before. He hadn't been that tired in ages.

No, that wasn't true. He'd been that tired many times, but just not when he could expect to make up for it with a good night's sleep. Now that he had it, his body was eager to continue the trend.

"Tim? Are you dead?"

Tim took a deep breath and didn't answer. He just rolled away from the voice.

"Okay. You're not dead. Are you awake?"

Tim tried to pretend he hadn't heard the voice. He just wanted to lay there and sleep. Or just lay there. Or just sleep. Or whatever. _Not_ get up.

"Tim, I've let you sleep in, but it's time to get up. I promise that we won't be driving as long today. We'll come back to Flagstaff and stay the night tonight, then, get on our way tomorrow."

Tim still tried to ignore it.

"Tim, I don't want the Grand Canyon to erode away before we get there."

"Go away," he mumbled.

There was a laugh.

"Where am I supposed to go away to? We're in Arizona. Remember?"

Finally, Tim got that the voice wouldn't leave him alone and he rolled back and opened his eyes. There was Tony, fully dressed, looking far too alert.

"What time is it?"

"Seven."

Tim inhaled deeply and stretched. Then, he forced himself to sit up.

"Okay. Let me wake up," he said, his voice sounding a little scratchy.

"I'll even let you shower since we didn't do that last night."

"Okay," Tim said again. He stood up and stretched one more time. Then, he got his clothes and went into the bathroom. A quick shower helped him wake up and by the time he came out again, he felt much better.

Tony was still sitting on the bed, but he was looking a little concerned. Tim smiled.

"Sorry about that, Tony. I was really tired."

"Are you okay, Tim?" Tony asked.

Again that concern. Tim just wanted that to be gone.

"I'm fine. You want to grab some breakfast before we head out?"

"Let's just get something we can eat on the way. ...and we'll need to get gas. And snacks."

"Right. And we should get plenty of water, too. If we're going to do anything in the Grand Canyon besides look from the car, I'm sure it'll be tiring and hot," Tim said.

"Good idea."

"Then, I'm ready to go."

They grabbed their stuff and left the room. They picked up coffee and pastries from the continental breakfast (no donuts with sprinkles) and Tony did the driving to get them to the Grand Canyon. They stopped and got gas, bought a full case of bottled water, just in case. They got plenty of snacks and declared themselves ready for the day.

They got onto US-180, leaving Route 66 far behind for the time being, and it didn't take long before they were driving through a bunch of nothing. Well, not completely nothing. There were trees, but that was it. And it wasn't a lush beautiful forest. It was scraggly conifers and drying grass. Every so often, they'd emerge from the forest to find nothing. Mountains in the distance, the same drying grass, maybe some barbed-wire fences. Eventually, they came to something resembling civilization.

Valle, Arizona, a very small town that seemed to consist of gas stations and gift shops. They stopped to get gas, but not souvenirs that time. Then, it was back on the road. They reached the town of Tusayan where they stopped at the vistor's center long enough to purchase a park pass and then got back on the road. Finally, they reached the park entrance and got a map. Tony handed it over to Tim who instantly unfolded it and started looking at what there was to see.

"Looks like we could easily spend the whole day here," Tim said.

"We could probably spend lots of days here, but we'll just do one," Tony said.

Tim smiled as he continued examining the map.

"Well?" Tony asked after a few minutes.

"Well, what?" Tim replied.

"Got it figured out?"

"No, but I have a suggestion."

"I'm ready."

"It looks like there's really just one main road to drive on here, but it also looks like there are places where we can't drive."

"What? Why not?"

"It looks like they have a shuttle system here."

"Okay. So what's your suggestion?"

"Well, I think that if we found a place to park and just used the shuttles, it might be a little inconvenient, but we could get everywhere we want to go...with one exception."

"And what's that?"

"There's a place that's called the Desert Watchtower and I want to see that, but it's way at the east end and the shuttles don't go over there, I don't think. So we'll have to drive."

"I'm cool with that. How far?"

"About 20 miles."

"Wow. Okay. Then...is there other stuff to see in between?"

"There are a bunch of viewpoints, including one called Grandview."

"Well, how can we pass up the _grand_ view of the _Grand_ Canyon?" Tony asked, grinning.

Tim looked at him. "I don't know."

"We can't. Plain and simple. Then, let's start over there and work our way back."

"Sounds good. It's not supposed to be too blisteringly hot today, so we can probably handle a little bit of heat," Tim said.

"All right. That's the spirit! Desert Watchtower, here we come!"

When the road curved toward the visitor's center, Tony turned right instead, off toward the eastern end of the South Rim. Tim really hoped that this was going to be worth it for Tony. He'd suggested it because _he_ wanted to see it, and this was supposed to be Tony's thing. Tim had been able to tell how much Tony wanted to see the Grand Canyon and he didn't want to stomp all over that by doing what _he_ wanted to do instead.

Because they'd got there relatively early, there wasn't much traffic and they made good time to the eastern edge of the south rim. They found a parking spot and then followed the signs to the tower. As they headed toward it, Tim just hoped that it was going to be good. He didn't want it to be a dud and then that much time lost on this day that was supposed to be about what Tony wanted to do. In fact, while he tried to hide it, he was fretting internally.

"The tower looks pretty cool," Tony said, seemingly oblivious to Tim's worry.

"Yeah. I saw a picture of it once," Tim said.

"Well, let's get over there."

It was only about a quarter mile to the tower, and then, they finally got to the point where they could see out into the canyon.

"Wow," Tony said. "Wow."

It was absolutely amazing. It seemed impossible that any other viewpoint could possibly top this one. Tim suppressed a sigh of relief and tried to focus on enjoying himself now that it was clearly worth it. The tower loomed over them on one side, but spread out in an amazing vista was the Grand Canyon. The sedimentary rocks with the bright oranges mixed in with the more neutral beiges and browns layered all that they could see, all the way down to the little bit of blue that was the Colorado River.

They both stood there, not paying attention to the other people around, just staring out at the view. For a couple of minutes, they didn't even say anything. Tim didn't know what Tony was thinking, but _he_ was thinking that all the photos he'd seen did not do the Grand Canyon justice. There was nothing like seeing it in person.

"Well, it's bigger than the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone," Tony said.

Tim laughed a little. "Yeah. A bit."

"Wow," Tony said, again.

"And just imagine, a few million years ago, this would all have been level ground with just the river cutting through. Deeper...and deeper...and deeper. And it's still happening today. The Grand Canyon is getting bigger and wider and deeper, even now."

Another minute or so of staring and then, Tony shook himself.

"Okay. Time for photos. There's no way we're missing getting pictures here."

Tim nodded and for the next ten minutes, all they were doing was taking photos. Mostly just of the canyon, but occasionally with each other in them. At one point, Tony grabbed another tourist and got him to take a picture of the two of them with the canyon behind. Then, it was back to more photos. They went into the tower and looked around the structure a bit, but it was the canyon itself that drew them. They went into the gift shop, but nothing grabbed them there. So they got back in the car and started back toward the visitor center, stopping at every overlook that came up on the road. Eventually, they got to the Grandview Overlook, and that definitely called for a stop. It was at the end of a one-mile road. There was a parking lot and Tim could already tell that the view was going to be spectacular.

They got out and walked over. They actually ended up walking just a little bit down the trail to get the best view. Trees had grown over part of the overlook. But then, they had another amazing view. The river wasn't visible, but that didn't even matter.

"This is incredible," Tony said. "You know the word _canyon_ just doesn't seem to fit with how big this place is. I think of canyons as being kind of narrow."

"That's why it's _grand_ ," Tim said.

Tony laughed. "Sure, but why not call it something else?"

"Because it's a canyon. It's just a really big one. What would _you_ call it?"

Tony was silent for a few seconds.

"I don't know, but it would be something cool."

Tim laughed. "Right. I doubt they're going to change the name now."

"Yeah. Just think of all the signs they'd have to change."

"Just like when they kept threatening to change over to the metric system when I was in school," Tim said. "Over and over, they told us we were going to have to use the metric system. And then, suddenly, it was gone and no one ever mentioned it again."

"Yeah. Can you imagine how much money it would have cost to change every mile marker over to kilometers?"

"And the gas stations and all the businesses that deal with mileage in any way."

"I'll bet that's why it vanished. If we were going to switch, we should have done it a hundred years ago," Tony said.

"Or more," Tim said.

"Yeah. So I guess I won't insist on them fixing the name of the Grand Canyon."

"Nice of you."

"I know. Sometimes, I even amaze myself."

Tim chuckled and they continued to take photos, both posing while the other snapped a picture. Then, it was back in the car and back to the road.

"Well, you okay to park at the visitor center and use the shuttle?"

"Yeah, sure. Sounds fine," Tony said. He drove the car over to the parking lot. It was starting to fill up, but they found a place to park.

They got out of the car and headed for the visitor center to see where they were going to ride to first. They found a map and started scanning.

"Look over here, Tim," Tony said, pointing to a place east of the center.

"What?" Tim asked.

"It's called the South Kaibab Trail and there's a place call Ooh Aah Point."

Tim laughed and then looked more closely at it. He felt a little concerned.

"There sure are a lot of warnings about going on this trail if you're not prepared for it," he said.

"That's probably just to make sure they're not liable for people being stupid," Tony said. "It's less than a mile to that place and with a name like Ooh Aah, how could it not be an amazing view?"

"I'm sure it's amazing, but..."

Tim felt more than a little anxious, even though a part of him was telling himself to stop being stupid.

"We don't have to go if you don't feel good about it," Tony said.

But Tim could tell that Tony wanted to.

"No. It's fine. I'm sure the view is great. We should do it."

"Tim, you don't have to..."

"No, it's fine," Tim said again, more firmly. "Let's just get enough water. It's warm enough that we'll want it."

Tony nodded. Then, he looked toward the visitor center.

"We should spend an arm and a leg and get a backpack for that," he said. "Maybe hats, too."

"Okay."

They headed into the gift shop and started searching for things to take on the hike.

"Okay, Tim. I'm going to buy a hat for you, and you're going to buy a hat for me. And we have to wear the hat we get. We meet back here in five minutes. Go!"

"What?"

Tony just walked off.

"Time's ticking, Probie! Get going!"

Tim stood there for a moment as Tony walked away, but then, he got himself in gear and started to look for a hat. After a couple of minutes, he had two choices: one with wildflowers and a trucker hat. Which one?


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Tony held back a sigh as he saw both Tim's worry about things going wrong _and_ his determination to make sure that Tony had a good time. While he appreciated Tim trying to master his anxiety, he still hated that Tim thought he had to give Tony everything he wanted to do. In fact, he'd been surprised when Tim had suggested going to the Desert Watchtower and then didn't take it back.

At some point, they really needed to talk about that, but not right now. Tony wanted to have fun here. He wanted _Tim_ to have fun here, and a serious conversation about a far-too-serious event was not the way to have fun at the Grand Canyon. As much as he could, he was going to deal with Tim's anxiety by ignoring it when that seemed to be the best thing. For now, it wasn't serious enough to warrant directly addressing it. Tony would just have to try and keep things light which was easy to do since Tim really did have fun when he wasn't stressing.

Speaking of having fun...

Tony saw the perfect silly hat. It had a wide brim that went all the way around the hat, like an old man's sun hat and it read _Trails Forever_. The tag declared it to be a bucket hat, whatever that meant. He grinned and then headed back to where they'd split up.

He beat Tim back, but not by much. He saw Tim walking with what looked like a regular baseball cap in his hand. How boring.

"Well, what did you get?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled, and Tony was happy to note that there was no reservation in the smile.

"Well, I know how much you like wildflowers," he said and held out a hat festooned with what were declared to be the wildflowers of the Grand Canyon.

Tony laughed, glad that Tim had got into it.

"Oh, you shouldn't have, Tim. I got you one to protect your lily-white skin. Can't have you burning up out here."

He held out the bucket hat. Tim took it and raised an eyebrow.

"It looks like an old man hat."

"It is. You're married. That automatically makes you an old man."

"Since when?"

"Since I said so."

Tim laughed.

"Remember, you have to wear it," Tony added.

"Fine, fine. Let's get these bags and the hats and get going before it gets too hot for even this hat to protect me."

Tony grinned and they headed for the counter. They were almost there when Tim suddenly stopped at a display.

"What's up?"

Tim stared thoughtfully at a number of puzzles for sale.

"I'm going to get this one," he said, picking up a large puzzle that was a panorama of the canyon.

"I didn't think you were a puzzle guy."

"I'm not."

"So it's for Delilah? I didn't think she was, either."

"She's not."

"Okay. Who's it for? And you better not say me. I know that _I_ am not a puzzle guy."

"Puzzling, maybe, but not puzzles," Tim said, cryptically. "No, Jimmy told me once that he and Breena like to do puzzles together sometimes. They even have a special table that they can use just for puzzles where Victoria can't get to it."

Tony nodded, glad that Tim was indicating that he would at least _talk_ to Jimmy long enough to give him the present. Then, something else caught his eye.

"Hey, look at this! I'm getting it for Victoria."

"It's a buzzard," Tim said.

"No. It's a California condor," Tony said. "That's different. It's endangered!"

"It's still a buzzard."

"It's a vulture."

"Yeah. Nothing like a cuddly, cute carrion eater for Victoria to sleep with at night," Tim said, dubiously.

"I'm glad you agree," Tony said. "Victoria will love it."

"Or you'll twist her poor little mind."

"She's made of sterner stuff than that. Come on. We're wasting daylight."

They got in line and quickly paid for their items. Then, they left the shop, putting on their hats as they did so. They walked back to the car, stowed their purchases, filled their new bags with water and snacks and then walked over to the shuttle.

"We're headed to the South Kaibab Trailhead," Tony said to the driver. "Is this bus going the right way?"

"Yep. That's the next stop."

"Excellent!"

They found a seat with a number of other people and looked out the windows. There wasn't much to see from the bus. Mostly just the same conifers they'd been seeing before. Tony really hoped that this would be as good as the name indicated. And really, it had to be. Why choose a name like _Ooh Aah_ if it wasn't going to be good?

Tim started looking at a map he'd picked up of the trail.

"We'll have to make sure that we don't go too far," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"This trail goes on for miles beyond this Ooh Aah Point, and it says that the point isn't actually marked. It's a wide spot in the trail. We're headed down into the canyon so we need to make sure that we don't go too far."

"Right. Well, I'll bet there'll be plenty of people on the trail to ask for help if we need to."

"Yeah. Hopefully."

Tony considered saying something more, but then, he decided that they'd just get going. They weren't going to be backpacking. No potholes. Just fun on a trail in the Grand Canyon. It would be great. Tony would make sure of that.

"No being a drag, Tim. Let's go. It's going to be amazing and you'll be glad we did it. Just keep your hat on so you don't get sunstroke."

Tim rolled his eyes, but he smiled and they set off on the trail. It was pretty steep and Tony figured that they'd both be panting quite a bit on the way out, but still, it was only a mile. They could handle a mile in and a mile out.

As they walked, there was more sun than shade, but it was downhill and that was fine. Steep switchbacks took them down into the canyon.

"This is going to be awful on the way out," Tim said, looking back.

"Don't focus on going out. Focus on what's coming in front of you."

Tim stopped and smiled...and then turned around to face the uphill trail.

"Now, I'm looking at what's coming in front of me. And it's going to be a steep climb out of here."

Tony shook his head and laughed. Then, he mocked pushing Tim to the side so he could keep walking.

" _This_ is in front of us, McNegative Nancy."

"McNegative Nancy?" Tim repeated. "That's got to be one of the worst nicknames you've ever come up with."

But he started walking again and they kept on their way.

"I'm sure I could come up with something worse than that," Tony said.

"Please, don't try."

"Oh, it wouldn't take any effort at all, Probie."

Tim sped up just enough that he could step around Tony and take the lead again.

"No thanks."

Tony jogged after Tim and caught up. Then, he put his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"Okay, okay. Don't walk too fast. One of us will trip and that would be an end to the trip."

Tim slowed down. "Yeah, we'd definitely go careening off into the canyon."

They kept going, taking pictures as they went, watching for what would be the Ooh Aah Point. How obvious would it be?

Finally, as the trail dipped down again, they could see the view widening.

"That's got to be it down there, right?" Tim asked, pointing.

"It's looking pretty good," Tony said. "Let's keep going."

It was definitely getting hotter, though. They'd started just carrying their water with them, rather than in the bags. Down in the canyon, there was no breeze to cool them off.

When they reached the spot Tim had seen, it was very obviously the place. The trail kept going down, but there was a wide space to look out over the canyon.

"This is it," Tony said.

"It's got to be," Tim said.

It truly was amazing. They looked around and sat down to eat some snacks while staring out at the canyon. It was lower in the canyon and the walls raised up above them. It was like the entire canyon was spreading out below them, behind them and to both sides. It was breathtaking, well worth the walk. They were seated just off the trail with their view very partially obscured by the rocks close by.

After a few minutes, Tony stood up.

"Okay, Tim. We need a better view."

"The view is good. It's great, in fact."

"But there's a big rock in the way. We can't truly experience the grandeur without getting right next to the edge."

"It's not a big rock," Tim protested. "All you have to do is stand up and you can see everything. Tony, have you not been paying attention to all the signs about being a smart hiker?"

"Nope. Not a bit. Besides, you can see that lots of people have been doing it. And there's some right now!" Tony said, pointing over toward the rock.

Sure enough, there were four people who had climbed over and were taking photos of the amazing panorama.

"Tony...you know how I feel about heights. I followed you down here, but I'm not getting any closer to that edge!"

Tony had almost forgotten Tim's fear of heights because it didn't seem to be consistent. Tim would be fine some places and then suddenly be almost paralyzed in others. Sometimes, it was just a nuisance, but here, Tony couldn't safely start pulling at Tim to get him closer. While he was acting all blasé about it, he really had no intention of being unsafe by monkeying around close to a steep drop like this. People had died falling into the Grand Canyon before.

"Okay, fine, you can stay on the path, but I have to have a picture with the whole canyon behind me. You stand on the trail and take my picture."

Tim looked at him warily. "Promise?"

"Promise. This is one place where I won't try to force you into doing anything. We'd probably fall in the scuffle."

Tim raised an eyebrow. "So there's something good about this trail then."

"The view isn't enough?"

"I'll let you know," Tim said. Then, he stood up and followed Tony over to where it was obvious that a lot of people posed.

Tony did his best to get the appropriate mouth shapes so that he could have a picture of him going both _ooh_ and _aah_.

"Okay, now, I need a picture of you, but I still won't make you get off the trail. Just stand right..." He pulled Tim over just a little bit. "...there."

Then, he backed up a few steps (making sure that he wasn't backing up too _many_ steps) and he snapped a few pictures of Tim. He looked a little more worried than excited, but it was just a fear-of-heights expression, not anything else and that was okay. ...well, as far as Tony was concerned it was okay.

"Now, you can hide from the view again if you want."

"Thanks."

And Tim did walk over, further away from the edge. Tony took a couple of pictures of Tim sitting there, with his sun hat, but he didn't tease like he might have in other situations. Instead, he joined Tim while they had some more water and some more snacks.

"Well, Tim, the trail isn't going to suddenly become flat if we stay here. We'd best get going back up."

Tim grimaced but nodded.

They stood up and started the hike back up out of the canyon. That one mile seemed a lot longer than it had on the way down, but the one good thing was that, even though it was raising them higher and higher, Tim was so focused on the trail that he didn't have time to be worried about the height. It took them a lot longer to get out. They got a lot hotter, and they needed many more breaks, but they persisted and finally, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, they made it back to the top.

"We did it!" Tony said, triumphantly but a little breathlessly as the trail finally leveled off.

Tim nodded and was puffing hard.

"Higher elevation here than I'm used to," he said after a minute.

"I'm sure we can blame it all on that. Let's get to a shady bench and sit for a while."

"Sounds good to me," Tim said, nodding vigorously.

They didn't find a bench, but there were some rocks under trees and they sat down there, drank a lot more water and ate some more snacks. It was now after noon.

"What do you think," Tony asked. "Want to take the shuttle back and find a place to get lunch?"

"Sure," Tim said. "But no more hikes today, okay? I'm pooped."

"Me, too," Tony admitted.

"So, we get lunch and then..."

"We use the shuttle and go around to see other stuff for a few more hours. Then, we go back to Flagstaff. We can get back early-ish, and get a full night of sleep."

"Sounds fine to me. Let's get over by the bus stop so we don't miss it."

Tony nodded in agreement and they headed over to the stop. There were a few other people there already, so they could hope that the shuttle would arrive soon. After a few minutes, they saw the shuttle coming. They were both happy to get on the air-conditioned bus and ride it back to the visitor center. From there, they rode over to the Yavapai Lodge and got a simple meal in a cafeteria-style restaurant. Just a sandwich, chips and a drink. They decided to sit and eat in the dining hall.

"We have a few more hours before we'll need to head back," Tony said as they ate. He decided to test things a little. "So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What about you?" Tim asked.

It seemed like Tim didn't care, but Tony was sure that he was going to refuse to give a suggestion.

"You've got the map, Tim. I've never been here, either. Give it a look."

 _And you're going to get the map out and give it to me,_ Tony thought.

Tim leaned over, reached into the bag and handed Tony the map.

"There. What do you think?"

Then, he went back to studiously eating his sandwich. Tony raised an eyebrow. He was tempted to have this conversation now, but he decided that he needed to wait until they'd seen Meteor Crater so that Tim didn't get any ideas.

Instead, he took the map and started looking at it. He was tempted to pick things he knew Tim wouldn't like just so that Tim had to say he didn't like them, but he also knew that Tim would worry about making things centered on him again, and Tony did want him to have fun. He wanted both of them to have fun. So instead of pushing Tim to give some input, he began looking at the map. Really, he just wanted to see the canyon. He didn't have any particular desire to see anything else. He could see old buildings and museums and such, and sure, it was probably important to learn the history, but he just wanted to see the canyon from as many different places as he could before it was time to go.

He looked up from the map and smiled.

Tim looked up from his sandwich and swallowed.

"Okay, what's that look for? I'm not going to let you put me on another glass floor even if they have one here."

"Didn't even cross my mind. Do you know what I want to do?"

"No."

"I want to see the Grand Canyon from as many different places as we have time for. That's all I want. We already got to walk down into the canyon. We saw it from that tower. Now, I want to see it in other places, too. We can keep taking the shuttle and hop along. How does that sound?"

"Taking the shuttle sounds good," Tim said. "And as long as you don't make me lean over the edge, I'm fine."

Tony grinned. "I wouldn't do that, Probie."

"Yes, you would."

"Not when you might actually fall, I wouldn't. Only when it wasn't possible."

"Uh-huh."

"So let's finish up and get cracking."

Tim smiled finally and nodded. They finished their meal and then headed out, just in time to catch the next shuttle. Over the next few hours, they worked their way along the rim, hopping off each time there was an overlook advertised. Sometimes, they stayed longer than others, but they kept up the pattern. In fact, when they reached the end of the blue line and realized that they could get further still by changing buses, they did that, too. They stopped at all the overlooks until the end of the red line at a place called Hermits Rest, an old building designed by some famous architect. They never took off the hats, either. Both of them kept them on all day. They took more pictures there and then started back.

The crowds were a lot heavier as they returned to the visitor center than when they had arrived that morning. They bought a few more souvenirs before finally declaring their visit to the Grand Canyon over. It was now nearly six p.m. and they needed to get back to Flagstaff to have a dinner that wouldn't be too expensive and wouldn't leave them driving in the dark through the wilderness.

Tim was driving on the way back and Tony figured that Tim would be fine, but that he could still navigate. It was mostly quiet as they were leaving until finally, Tim glanced over at him.

"So did you like it?" he asked.

"Like what?"

"The Grand Canyon, of course."

"Aren't all the times I said how cool things are enough to indicate that I liked it?"

"Sure. Just thought I'd check anyway."

"It was worth the stop, Tim. I'm glad we did it, and I'm glad we'll have a regular night tonight. Once we get back into cell service again, I'll see if I can find a restaurant. And this one is your choice, okay?"

"How about we just get pizza delivered to our room. I wouldn't mind getting to bed early."

"You want to miss out on the booming metropolis of Flagstaff to get pizza?" Tony asked in mock horror.

"Maybe it can be really good pizza," Tim said.

"Okay, fine. You're lucky I'm Italian."

"Are you?" Tim asked, grinning. "Besides your last name, I don't see much Italian about you."

"More Italian than you," Tony said.

"But I don't claim to be Italian at all. I'm Irish or Scottish if I'm not American."

"But you want pizza."

"Please, Tony, don't start acting all superior. Just find a place to eat," Tim said with an exaggerated patience, like he was talking to his three-year-old.

Tony laughed and pulled out his phone. As soon as it got service, he did a search and found the most popular pizza place in Flagstaff. As he looked through the menu, he stopped and did a double-take.

"I've found it, Tim. No question."

"What?"

"This pizza place. It's called Fratelli's, voted the best pizza in the city since 2002. It has a pizza called Route 66."

"What's on it?"

"Doesn't matter. We're getting it. No matter _what's_ on it." He looked at the menu again. "It does have barbecue sauce on it instead of marinara."

"Sounds like it could be good. I'm okay with that."

"Good. That calls for another version of our theme song."

"Tony!"

Tony just grinned and started the song up. This time, a cover by Depeche Mode.

Tim groaned as Tony sang along. Nothing would stop him, and Tim had managed to resist so far. That meant that he had to push it further. Once the song was over, Tony grinned.

"No more of that. Just tell me where to go," Tim said, sounding exasperated.

So Tony gave Tim directions to the pizza place. He ordered on the way and that mean they could just pick it up and take it with them as soon as they got there. Then, they went back to the hotel, ate, showered, and Tim was in bed and asleep almost before Tony had time to realize it. He looked at Tim, shook his head and tried to get to sleep himself.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Tim became aware of the world again when a beam of light hit him right in the eye. He squinted and the light disappeared. So he didn't expend any more effort than that to figure out what was going on. Instead, he rolled over and embraced oblivion once more.

After an unknown amount of time, the world intruded again. This time, in the form of a voice.

"Rise and shine, Tim!"

Since the answer to that order was no, Tim didn't bother responding. He just lay where he was, enjoying the completely relaxed feeling he had.

"Come on, Tim. Flagstaff is great and all, but we don't want to spend forever here."

How long had it been since he'd been able to sleep like this? Tim couldn't even remember the last time. It had definitely been many months. He certainly hadn't been able to sleep like this since Delilah's pregnancy.

Delilah! He hadn't called her last night!

That jarred Tim out of his relaxed state and he sat up quickly.

"Whoa, Tim. We're not in that much of a hurry," Tony said.

"I forgot to call Delilah!" Tim said, feeling terrible about it.

"Well, it's only ten o'clock over there. You can call her now," Tony said, reasonably.

"I promised I would call," Tim said. "I don't want her to worry."

"Like _you_ are right now?"

Tim didn't really pay attention to what Tony was saying. He grabbed his phone and called home as quickly as he could.

" _Tim, you didn't call last night,"_ Delilah said as soon as she answered. _"You're lucky my mom isn't vindictive."_

"I know," Tim said. "I'm sorry. We got back from the Grand Canyon and I was so tired that I fell asleep before I even realized it."

To Tim's relief, Delilah just laughed a little. _"I'm not worried. Or at least, I'm not_ that _worried. So did you have fun?"_

"Mostly. Tony threatened to throw me into the canyon," Tim said, finally looking at Tony and smiling.

"Hey!"

" _I'm glad he didn't do that. You can tell him that the wrath of a pregnant woman is a terrifying thing to behold."_

"Delilah says you're lucky nothing happened to me," Tim said, his smile stretching to a grin.

"No telling lies about me when I can't talk back," Tony said.

"That's the best time to do it," Tim said, feeling calmer now that he knew Delilah wasn't worrying about him.

" _What are you going to do today?"_

"Just keep on going. We'll probably get to California this evening and then, we'll spend Friday and Saturday morning hanging around there before catching our flight back to D.C."

" _Try to remember to call me tonight, then. Actually, hang on a minute."_

"Okay."

A few seconds later, Tim could hear the excited squeal that told him Tommy was there. He felt himself start to smile widely.

" _Daddy! Two more days! Mommy says!"_

"That's right. Are you marking the calendar?"

" _Lots of x's. Miss you."_

"I miss you, too."

" _Made a song for you!"_

Tim laughed. Delilah had probably _loved_ that.

"Can you play it for me now?"

" _Yes!"_

Tim heard Tommy run off to get his drum, probably. After a few seconds, he heard Tommy running back and then a cacophony of drums and tambourine and maracas was in his ears. He pulled the phone away a little to lessen the noise.

" _Daddy, you like it?"_

"I loved it, Tommy. It's great. Let me talk to your mom, okay?"

" _Mommy! Daddy for you!"_

" _You see what you have to look forward to?"_ Delilah asked sounding both amused and a little exasperated.

"Yes. I wouldn't have it any other way," Tim said, smiling.

" _I know. Tim, be careful, okay?"_

"Of course. I wouldn't do anything reckless."

" _I know you wouldn't. But I hope that you are letting yourself have fun."_

"Of course I am."

" _There's no of course about it, Tim. You've been stressed for a long time, and I don't know if you really remember how not to be."_

Tim felt his smile becoming fixed and he turned away from Tony a little bit.

"I'm a parent. I have a stressful job. Stress is normal."

There was a pause.

" _I'm sorry, Tim. I can tell you're getting tense. I didn't mean to bring that up while you're on vacation."_

Tim took a breath and let it out as quietly as possible so Tony didn't start worrying again. He didn't want people worrying about him.

" _Don't worry, Tim. Just have fun on the rest of your vacation. I'll be glad to have you back home. Mom is starting to be...too motherly."_

Tim relaxed a little.

"Is Virginia standing there as you say that?"

" _Of course. And she doesn't care one bit."_

Then, he heard a distant voice.

" _No, I don't!"_

He laughed.

"Well, we need to get going soon and I just woke up," Tim said. "So I'd better hang up."

" _Sleeping in, huh? Well, you deserve it."_

"Got to get it in now before the twins come. Neither of us will be sleeping then."

" _Something to look forward to. Have fun, today."_

"I will. Even if it's just mostly driving."

" _And tell Tony to have fun, too."_

"Will do. Bye."

" _Love you."_

They both hung up and Tim turned around.

"Delilah says that you have to have fun," Tim said.

"I think I can handle that."

"Good. I'll get ready and we can get on the road."

"Okay."

Tim was glad to get into the bathroom without Tony mentioning the obviously tense moment in his conversation. It was a reminder that he didn't need. ...because he thought about it all the time already. As he prepared for the day, he looked at himself in the mirror. He still felt that edge of tiredness, but it wasn't as strong as it had been. In reality, he should have gone to Vance to ask for an easing of his schedule as Delilah's due date got closer, but he hadn't done that, for fear of reminding him about what had happened the year before. Besides, he already had made arrangements for someone to take over the team for a month or two when Delilah had the twins. Vance had been extremely accommodating and Tim didn't want to push it.

"No. Don't start worrying about that now," Tim told his reflection. "It'll all still be there when you get back. There's plenty of life waiting back in D.C., and I don't need to bring it in here. Just have fun and no one will need to worry."

He shook his head and tried to relax. Then, he walked out.

"You want to grab something for breakfast and eat in the car again?" he asked.

"Nah," Tony said. "We're not in a rush. We'll easily have a full day to bum around in California. Let's eat a little more leisurely."

"Are you sure?" Tim asked.

"Yeah."

Something seemed suspicious to Tim. He couldn't figure out why, but Tony seemed to be almost too casual for the situation.

"What's going on, Tony?" Tim asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...you're acting different. What is it? You're making me tense."

"Different? How?" Tony asked, acting innocent.

"You know _exactly_ what I mean," Tim said, as they walked into the continental breakfast area.

"Nope. Not a clue, but I'm going to check out that waffle iron. Don't take too long picking out your breakfast. We don't want to spend _too_ much time here."

Then, Tony walked away, leaving Tim looking at him suspiciously. He was more sure than ever that he was right. Tony had something in mind and, for whatever reason, he wasn't telling Tim about it.

Why?

Tim stood there for a few seconds and then his stomach growled and he decided to worry about it later.

He grabbed a tray and proceeded to pick out some food for breakfast. He got a pastry, a banana, some sugary, completely unhealthy cereal and some eggs to pretend he was trying to be balanced. Then, he got coffee and milk and joined Tony at a table. Tony had got waffles, eggs and bacon. Tim kept eyeing Tony all through breakfast and Tony pretended not to notice.

After they finished eating, they checked out, loaded their stuff in the car and Tony started them out of Flagstaff.

Tim pulled out the atlas and started checking what their route should be. For probably about ten or fifteen minutes, he was carefully following what would be the best way to get to the end of the route. He was glad to see the old highway appearing again. And the hardest part would be navigating through Los Angeles to get to the Santa Monica pier. They'd have to see what hotels were available close to the end of the road. Tim was sure they'd be expensive, but it would probably be worth it for a day or two. ...much better than last time.

"It looks like we can get on Route 66 again as we're headed to California and it shouldn't be a really long day. Maybe eight or nine hours, even if we use the old highway," he said.

"Sounds great, Probie," Tony said. "But it might be a little more than that."

"Why?"

Tim looked up for a moment to look at Tony, but then, he looked out the windshield and then out his window. The sun was definitely not on the correct side of the car.

"Tony...what are you doing?"

Tony grinned mischievously.

"It's a surprise."

"I don't want a surprise. What are you doing?"

"It's nothing bad."

"Uh-huh," Tim said skeptically.

"You'll love it."

"You've said that before."

Tony got a little serious for a moment. "I know what you're thinking of, but I didn't promise that would be good, only necessary. And I apologized for that. My timing was off. This isn't like that. And my timing is great."

Tim found it interesting that Tony was still mostly avoiding even saying Gibbs' name around him. He was fine with it, but it was interesting.

"Then, what is it?"

"You'll have to wait and see, Tim."

Tim wasn't much reassured. However, it was ridiculous to think that Tony would be somehow managing to arrange another impromptu meeting with Gibbs in the middle of Arizona.

After another few minutes, Tim really started to wonder why Tony was backtracking.

"Tony, where are we going?"

"About ten more minutes and you'll see."

"But we're going the wrong way, and..."

"...and you said that we'd have plenty of time to get to California."

"Yeah, but we're going to have to make up all this time and that's at least a half hour we've been driving."

"We have time."

Then, a sign caught Tim's eye. Could it be?

"Tony... are we going to the Meteor Crater?"

Tony's grin answered him.

"Why?"

"Because you want to."

"No. I... I did when I was a kid, but..."

"But you still want to. There's nothing wrong with that."

"We don't need to backtrack for this. I told you. It probably won't be as amazing as I built it up to be."

"Yes, it will."

"Tony, you don't have to..."

"Tim, we did my thing yesterday. And we did it for the whole day. I'm glad. It was great to finally see the Grand Canyon. This is just adding an hour or two onto our day. That's it. You want to see it. I know you do. I can tell."

Suddenly, Tony looked directly at him just for a second.

"You deserve to have things you want, Tim."

Then, he went back to paying attention to the road.

"You can't make up for the stuff you regret by pretending you don't deserve anything good."

Tim was silent. He didn't know what to say and there was an embarrassing lump in his throat besides. He _did_ want to see Meteor Crater. It was a dream. He'd been really disappointed to realize that it was so close and that the timing had been just off for getting in, but he didn't want to bring it up, so he hadn't. How had Tony been able to tell?

"Thanks, Tony," he said, softly.

Tony kept his eyes on the road, but he spared a hand to thump Tim on the shoulder.

"No problem. I looked it up while you were sleeping. It's a little pricy, but all the reviews say that it's worth it."

Tim wanted to insist that this wasn't necessary, but he couldn't bring himself to lie that he didn't want to see it. Tony knew it would be a lie anyway. So he said nothing as the exit came up. As Tony turned the car down a nicely paved road, Tim felt himself getting excited. He was trying to keep himself from getting _too_ excited. After all, it was just a big hole in the ground. He was sure that it wouldn't be as mind-blowingly amazing as he had thought it would be as a child.

He told himself that, but as they got closer, he found himself leaning forward, just a little. He couldn't help it. He really couldn't. He really wanted to see this thing and now that it was going to be a reality, it was hard to pretend that it wasn't exciting.

Finally, they went around a corner and there was the entrance gate for the Meteor Crater.

"Here we are, Tim. You ready?"

"Yeah," Tim said, trying to be an adult, but feeling like he was twelve years old.

"Good." Tony parked and they got out.

Tim looked around, but he couldn't see the crater from where they were standing. So they headed into the visitor center to pay.

"Well, Tim, where to, first?"

Tim looked at Tony and then, for the first time in a long time, he didn't care about anything else other than going out and seeing the crater. That was all he wanted. The eighteen bucks they'd both just paid for entrance was worth it if he got to see the crater. In fact, they could walk out, look and leave, and it would be worth paying for.

"The crater," he said.

Tony grinned. "Then, let's go."

They made their way out of the building and Tim got his first look at something he'd been wanting to see for nearly 30 years.

It was a gigantic hole in the ground and Tim was so excited to see it that his heart was almost beating out of his chest. He smiled and walked down to one of the overlooks. It stuck out over the crater a little bit, but for once, Tim didn't care about the height, either. He was looking all around. It was nearly a mile in diameter, nearly 600 feet deep and the walls of the crater sloped down toward the center, with tracks where water had clearly drained down during what were likely rare rainstorms.

He almost couldn't speak. He barely remembered that he had a camera. It was the most amazing thing he'd seen since... since he didn't know when. This was something that was just good to see. No complications. No negatives. It was just amazing.

"Wow, that's a big hole," Tony said from beside him after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah," Tim said. "A really big hole in the ground. Isn't it amazing?"

Tony laughed.

"So is it as good as you thought it would be?"

"It's better. Pictures just aren't enough."

"Well, whether they are or not, we're going to take some. So pose and I'll get your ecstatic self documented."

Tim reluctantly turned away from the view and let Tony take his picture. Then, he took Tony's picture, too. Then, he found a place to set up his camera so that they could both be in the picture at the same time. Then, they each picked a pair of mounted binoculars and spent a few minutes examining the base of the crater and the walls. Tony even tried taking a picture through the binoculars and it kind of worked.

After that, they walked around the rim a little bit. There was a tour, but Tim didn't care about the tour. He'd read a lot about the crater years ago and all he'd ever wanted was to see it. He also knew that, extra time or not, they couldn't spend hours here.

There was a movie, and Tim was half-interested in seeing it, but he knew they didn't have the time, so he didn't mention it. Instead, after walking around outside for a while, they went into the gift shop. Of course.

Tim decided to buy a bag of rocks for Tommy. It was silly because these same rocks were available at every cheap gift shop in every place that was even semi-rock related. But he remembered wanting them as a kid and Tommy would appreciate them now...well, maybe for five minutes or so. But they were cheap, so he didn't care.

"What are you getting, Tony?"

Tony grinned. "Well, I'm going to get something for Jo, and I'm getting these bibs for your girls."

Tim laughed. Tony was holding up two bibs. One read, "It's a meteorite thing. You wouldn't understand." The other had "Live, Love Meteorites" printed on it.

"You're spoiling them before they're even born, Tony," Tim said.

"That's my job. And then, I've got to get something for you."

"Tony, I'm right here. I can buy something. And I'm going to."

"So? That doesn't mean I can't buy you something, too." Tony started looking around and Tim gave up trying to talk him out of it. He figured that meant he should get something for Tony, too. And he saw it without even taking a step.

There was a display of t-shirts right beside him and the one in front read simply _Thud_ with a picture of a meteorite headed for the crater. Perfect.

Tim grabbed it and then walked over to some of the pottery. He wanted to get something for Virginia as a way of thanking her for staying with Delilah this week. He found a beautiful pot that was carved out of wood and it was expensive but not _too_ expensive. And being wood, it would be less likely to get broken on the trip home. He hoped.

Both feeling a lot poorer, they left the gift shop with bags of tourist trap souvenirs.

"That was fun," Tim said. "Thanks, Tony."

"Hey, I liked it, too. Now, here's your shirt."

Tim took the bag Tony held out and pulled out a t-shirt. It had _Giant crater! Don't fall in!_ written on the front.

"Nice," Tim said. "This is for you."

Tony grinned and took his shirt. He chuckled at the _Thud_ and then, quickly changed to that shirt instead of the one he'd put on that morning. Tim hesitated and then decided to do the same.

And it was time to hit the road again.

This time, in the right direction.

"Worth stopping?" Tony asked as he started them off again.

"Yes," Tim said.

That was all he needed to say for the moment.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

They continued on the way. Their next stop was going to be Kingman, Arizona. Tony could see that Tim was still happy about having gone to Meteor Crater. And they still had a couple of hours before getting to Kingman. They had taken pictures out of the window, but for some reason, they weren't really wanting to stop at all the tourist traps. Kingman would probably have tourist traps, but that was where they were headed.

So, now, he had a decision to make. Was he just going to let this be it or was he going to see if he could get through to Tim so that the happiness wasn't a temporary thing based entirely on forgetting his guilt?

...maybe, he should just let Tim decide. After all, Ducky had said that he could try but be willing to back off.

Then, another thought came to him. Why do this while he was driving? They'd be stopping eventually and it would really be better that way than to have Tim sitting in the passenger seat easily avoiding his gaze...since his eyes would have to be mostly on the road anyway.

The right time would come. Eventually.

So they continued on to Kingman. In Kingman, they found a Route 66 Museum and decided to stop. They parked and headed for the main entrance.

"Hey, look at that!" Tim said, pointing up on the wall of the building.

"What?"

Tony followed Tim's pointing finger and laughed in surprise.

There was a sign that read _3,333.33 feet above sea level_ attached to the wall, with an arrow pointing to a bolt which had been driven into the wall.

"So if that sign is at 3,333.33 feet...well, that means we're at a much less interesting elevation," Tony said.

"Yeah, true. I wonder who decided to do that," Tim said.

"Who knows. It's fun. Let's get a picture."

They took a couple of photos and then went inside the museum, which was located in an old powerhouse. They had to stop and take another photo because Route 66 was painted on the concrete floor. Then, they went up the stairs to the museum. It was organized from the earliest history of the area to the rise of Route 66 and the roadside diners. It definitely was quirky.

"Hey, Tim, come over here!" Tony said, gesturing.

Tim walked over and joined Tony.

"What is it?"

"It's a wall of Burma Shave ads."

"Burma Shave?"

"Shaving cream, I think," Tony said.

Then, Tim started looking more closely and he started laughing. "These are ridiculous!"

And they were.

 _At school zones heed instructions protect our little tax deductions Burma Shave_

 _Don't lose your head to gain a minute You need your head your brains are in it Burma Shave_

 _Don't take a curve at 60 per we'd hate to lose a customer Burma Shave_

"Oh, look at this one. Delilah would agree," Tim said, pointing. "'If you think she likes your bristles, walk barefooted through some thistles. Burma Shave.' At least that one has something to do with shaving."

"Delilah doesn't like you with facial hair?"

"Nope. She thought she would until she kissed me for the first time. I shaved the very next morning," Tim said.

"Then, this one works, too," Tony said. "'No lady likes to dance or dine accompanied by a porcupine. Burma Shave.'"

"Yes, it does."

"Well, time to pose."

They each picked a sign and posed beside it, rubbing their chins. Then, they continued on through the museum and came out in the gift shop. Of course.

"Want to buy anything here?" Tony asked.

"Nah. I think we can pass here. We've got way too many things as it is."

"That's for sure. Okay. We'll save a little money."

They left the museum, stopped briefly at a locomotive in a park across the street and then got back into the car and were ready to keep on their way...when Tim noticed something on the map.

"Hey, you ready for a detour?" he asked.

"Another one?" Tony asked. "Sure. What is it?"

"The London Bridge."

"What? What is the London Bridge doing in Arizona?"

"Don't know. It's in Lake Havasu City, about an hour south of us."

"We wouldn't have to backtrack all the way up here, would we?" Tony asked.

Tim looked at the atlas again and then shook his head.

"No. It looks like we'll have to backtrack about twenty miles to get back on I-40. I could take over the driving from there."

"Okay. Sure. Sounds good."

Tony was surprised that Tim had even made a suggestion. So whether it was worth it or not, it was worth it. Maybe he really was finally relaxing.

They got to Lake Havasu City and followed the signs to the London Bridge. And it really was the London Bridge. Some rich guy had bought it and moved it, brick by brick from London to Arizona. In fact, it appeared that the entire city owed its existence to this one rich guy buying the London Bridge. There were British flags flying on the bridge and a mock-up of an English village just beside the bridge. They walked through the village, but then, they went to the bridge itself. As they walked down the stairs to the water level, Tim suddenly stopped and pointed.

"Tony, look at that!" he said, sounding really excited.

Tony followed Tim's finger. He just seemed to be pointing at the bridge.

"What? It's the London Bridge, Tim. It was your idea to come down here."

Tim rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"No! Look at _that_! The numbers on the bricks!"

Tony looked at Tim for a second and then looked up. And suddenly he noticed what Tim was talking about.

On a number of the bricks there were little vinyl numbers and/or letters. Not every single one had that, but quite a few did.

"I'll bet those are the labels so that they knew how to put the bridge back together again after they got it here! That's so cool that it's still there!"

Tony thought it was interesting, but not _that_ interesting. Tim apparently didn't agree. He got out his camera and began taking pictures of the labeled bricks. They continued down the stairs, but every so often, Tim would stop again, look up and take another picture.

By the time they got to the bottom, Tim had taken probably close to twenty pictures, just of the bricks with numbers on them.

"Okay, Tim. I don't get it," Tony said. "Why are you so fascinated by little numbers on bricks?"

Tim looked up at the bricks again and then at Tony.

"Because it's amazing, the kind of organization it would have taken to do this. It's not just about having the money to do it. It's _caring_ enough to do it at all. This took planning, organization, lots of man-power and yes, lots of money to move this thing from England to here. Those numbers are like a little glimpse into the past, and I think it's amazing."

Tony smiled and shook his head. Then, he slung his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"You're nuts, Tim, but that's okay."

Tim laughed and rolled his eyes.

"You're not so sane yourself."

"Aw, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," Tony said.

Tim pushed him away and they kept walking around, poking their heads into little tourist shops. Then, as they headed back to the car, they saw another tourist shop called Havasu Gear. They walked in and found themselves surrounded by t-shirts, hats, jackets, and other items all emblazoned with a large stylized scorpion.

Tim looked at a black t-shirt with a huge pink scorpion on it.

"Abby would love this," he said. He even reached out for a second and then pulled his hand back and looked at some hats in another display.

Tony stared after him. Of all the things Tim had said, the one thing Tony wasn't sure about was Abby. Unfortunately, Abby could be vindictive and, given her attachment to Gibbs, Tony could see her holding a grudge, even though she normally wasn't able to do it for very long. He could see her blaming Tim, and even saying some cruel things to him that she might not really mean but would hurt Tim more than he needed...since he didn't need it at all.

 _While I'm trying to fix everyone, maybe I should see what's going on in Abby's head, too._

And what better excuse than to buy her a souvenir? Tony smiled to himself and grabbed the shirt. Then, he decided that Jo would like something with this logo, too. He began looking around and found the perfect shirt. It was a pinky-orangey-red with the black scorpion logo on the front. He knew she'd like it and so he picked that out, too. Maybe the next time she dyed her hair, she could get it to match the shirt. Then, he noticed that they also sold sunglasses. He'd been meaning to get a new pair, so he looked and they were not too bad. He grabbed a pair and then headed to register. Tim was already there before him with a few hats. He looked at Tony and smiled.

"For Sarah."

"Your agent?"

Tim smiled again. "No. This one is for my sister. Those are for my team. I have to give them _something_."

"Of course you do."

They got their items and then headed out. They saw a visitor center and decided to do a quick stop in. They looked around at the displays of how the London Bridge had been brought to Lake Havasu and then, Tony saw something else. It looked like it might be perfect.

"Hey, Tim. Look at this."

Tim walked over.

"What?"

"They have a bunch of replica lighthouses around the lake. You can do a lake tour, but I don't think we have time for that. Still, you can drive to some of them. Want to take a look before we grab some lunch and move on?"

"Sure. Sounds good."

Inwardly celebrating, Tony didn't say anything about his ulterior motive for going to these places. He figured that there couldn't be _that_ many people going to these lighthouses. It would probably be empty enough that they could finally have the talk that they needed to have.

They got in the car and started driving. The first lighthouse had some people at it. They took a few pictures and then moved on.

Tony hit paydirt at the next lighthouse. Not only was it deserted, it looked like there was a little path right down to the lake, even more isolated. That's what they needed because Tim would resist this, Tony knew. And he would allow Tim to say no, but he _hoped_ that Tim was open enough to talking about this that he'd allow it to happen.

They took a few more pictures and then climbed down the steep path to the lake's edge.

"Hey, Tim, I have a question for you," Tony said finally.

Tim glanced at him, and Tony saw his expression change for just a second. Then, he forced a smile.

"Well, Tony, I'm sorry but I'm already happily married, so the answer has to be no."

Tony smiled and rolled his eyes. "I'm already happily dating. So that's not the question."

Tim took a breath and let it out almost in a sigh.

"What?"

"And this is a real question," Tony said. "If your answer really is no, I'll accept it."

Tim raised an eyebrow with an expression that would have made Gibbs proud and said nothing.

"Are you relaxed enough to talk about all this finally?"

"All what?" Tim asked.

"Why it is that you seem to think you need to be punished for last year, why you're isolating yourself from everyone but me and your family, why you're afraid, why you're ashamed when you have no reason to be... All that."

"And if I say I'm not ready for that?"

"Then, I'll accept it and we'll go get lunch."

"You know I don't want to talk about it."

"I know. That's why I didn't ask if you _wanted_ to. I asked if you were _ready_. Last time, you weren't really ready and I've regretted putting you through something you really couldn't handle ever since. So I'm serious. You say no and I drop it."

There was a long silence and then Tim walked over to a rock beside the lake and sat down.

"There's really nothing to talk about, Tony. It's all been said and done. Long time ago. Nothing's really changed."

"Only a year, Tim. It hasn't been that long."

Tim just shrugged. He hadn't said no, but Tony could see he needed to do this right, tread carefully and watch for Tim pulling back from going too far. He sat down on another rock.

"Okay, first things first. Why do you still feel guilty? And don't pretend that you don't because we both know that you do."

"Do we?"

"Yes."

"If you know that much, you know why," Tim said. "What I did last year was stupid."

And then, it was like the flood gates had opened and Tim talked more openly than he had in months.

"I accept that I couldn't have saved Allison Jenkins. I accept that. I really do. That once we were in that place..." He shook his head, still not wanting to talk about what he had witnessed. "But I could have saved my family a lot of grief. I could have saved _you_ a lot of grief. All I would have had to do would be to accept help when it all first went down. All I would have had to do would be to admit that I had a problem. I didn't do that and that stupid mistake is still affecting my family. It's still affecting you. You still seem to think that you have to save me from something and you don't! I don't need saving! That one...stupid mistake. And I can't take it back. I know that I can't go back, but I also know that I was an idiot, that everything would have been much better if I hadn't been such an idiot."

"No," Tony said. "You weren't an idiot. You weren't thinking clearly, Tim. We all could see that. What you saw in there...that would mess anyone up. Yeah, you made a mistake in how you dealt with it, but anyone could have done the same thing."

"It doesn't matter what anyone else would have done. It matters what I actually _did_ ," Tim said, bitterly. "And what I did was hurt the people closest to me. How do I repay that? How do I make up for that?"

Tony smiled. "You _can't_ , Tim."

That was surprising enough that Tim actually looked up at met his gaze.

"What?"

"You _can't_ make it up. You _can't_ repay it. And you know what? That doesn't matter. That's not why I helped you. That's not why Delilah was trying to help you. It's not why Ducky was trying to help you. We're friends, Tim. And friends don't keep a tally of how much they owe each other. ...at least not for the important things. Lunch bills? Absolutely. Not about stuff like this. I can't pay _you_ back for what you've done for _me."_

"What have _I_ done?"

"You made me a part of your family. For someone who doesn't really have much of it and what he has isn't all that great, that's something I can't repay. It's priceless," Tony said. "But I know that's not something you care about."

"Of course, not. That's not why I did it," Tim said, sounding almost affronted.

Tony smiled. "And that's your problem. You hold yourself to a different standard than you would hold any other person in the world. And you keep acting like you should be punished for making a mistake when no one feels that way. Can you honestly tell me that you know of _anyone_ at NCIS who thinks you should be punished for what happened last year? And I'll even let you include Abby since I know you don't know about what she thinks. Be honest, Tim. Can you think of _one_ person?"

A long pause and then Tim looked out at the lake again.

"No."

"Exactly! And if you do find out that someone feels that way, let me know and I'll give them a piece of my mind. ...and maybe a piece of my fist if they're particularly nasty about it."

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Tony."

"I know. You need to fight your own battles. The problem is that you're not really doing it. Instead of fighting, you're trying to cut any possible losses and that's really sad. It's not what you should be doing. Be honest. Do you _like_ that you've cut yourself off from Ducky and Jimmy and Breena? Is that what you really want?"

"It's not about what I want."

"Fine. If so, then, you should be doing things with them."

Tim looked at him again. "No."

"Then, it is about what _you_ want."

"No!"

"Yes, because I know for a fact that both Ducky and Jimmy have been trying to get you to do things with them and you keep saying no. So cutting yourself off from them isn't about what _they_ want. It's about what you want."

Tim looked away again and Tony could see that he was probably getting close to pushing too hard. Time to soften it a bit.

"Tim, do you know what _I_ want?"

"What?"

"I want to see you acting like yourself again. Like you have occasionally on this trip. I want to see that more. I want to see you not hating yourself because I can tell that you still do, at least a little bit. And while I don't know for sure, I'll bet that if you asked Delilah, that's what she would want, too. If you're trying to save your friends some grief, then, stop giving us a reason to grieve."

Tony got up and walked over so that he could make Tim look at him.

"Tim, you made a mistake. Lots of people do that. Sometimes, they're serious mistakes. And yes, it _was_ a serious mistake. Yes, it was hard on me. Yes, it was hard on Delilah. I'm not denying any of that, but you can't fix things by trying to give yourself a punishment _no one_ thinks you deserve. If you really want to help _us_ , then, the best thing for you to do is to let yourself heal from all that crap that went on last year. _That_ is the best thing you could do for any of us."

Tim still said nothing, but Tony could see that he was starting to get through. So he chanced pushing, just a little bit further.

"Tim, I feel like what you've done is not really heal but transfer your guilt from Allison Jenkins to the rest of us. If you can't feel guilty for a death, then, you can still feel guilty for pain. Do you really accept that Allison Jenkins' death wasn't your fault?"

"Yes," Tim whispered. Tony saw Tim's lip start to quiver and he quickly bit down on it. His breath became a little shaky. "And no."

Tim let out a whoosh of air and stood up to face away from Tony again. This time, probably out of embarrassment that he was close to tears.

Tony waited for a moment, but then, Tim spoke again.

"She was so close to me," he whispered. "So close. And I still couldn't do _anything_. I know I couldn't have done anything. I know that, but she was so close. And then after, I could see it in everyone's eyes...and I couldn't do _anything_ about it. It was like the whole world was...somewhere else and I was just stuck in that echo chamber. And sometimes... I can't even see the difference. It's not always. It's not even most of the time. But it still happens. And I keep thinking that there should have been something I could do. I should have been able to stop...it all. But I couldn't. I just couldn't do it, Tony. I still feel helpless to fix things. Dr. Bourning says that I'm holding myself back, that I need to let go of that feeling of being responsible for it all. I keep asking him how I do that, but he keeps not answering. He said that this is something I need to work through in my own mind, that I won't accept any solution but one that I come up with, but that's not true."

"I'll bet it is," Tony said, smiling again, but gently. "If someone else solves it for you, you'll just say that it shows how weak you are that you couldn't figure it out for yourself."

And it gave Tony a lot of hope when Tim actually smiled and laughed a little. He sniffed loudly.

"I'm such a hopeless case."

"Nope. Not hopeless. You're way better than you were last year, Probie. You're doing a lot better. You just need to take another step and stop being afraid that you're destined to hurt people. You're not. You can do this and do it right. It'll be all right. And it's okay to lean on someone if you need to. That's what friends are for. I don't mind if you lean. Ducky won't mind if you lean, as long as it's only figuratively because I don't think he could do more than that."

Tim laughed again. Then, he turned away again rubbed his hand over his face.

Tony let the silence lengthen. Sometimes, he knew that Tim just needed the time to think, that if he could just get that time, he'd come to a better conclusion than if he had to make the decision on the spur of the moment. So he waited, praying that no one would show up to break up this important conversation. Tim needed to think about it but he was human, and he'd take the chance to put it off if he could, even when he knew it needed to be done. In part, that was what had allowed him to go so long without really thinking about it. He truly was busy and he could hide behind that busyness in order to avoid the hard thinking he needed to do.

Then, after a few minutes, he saw Tim's shoulders straighten just a little. He'd come to a decision, no matter how he felt about it.

"Tony?" Tim asked, without turning around.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know how."

"Don't know how what?"

"I don't know how to do this right."

Tony walked over and put his arm around Tim's shoulders. He couldn't see any tears, but if there weren't any, that restraint had been hard won.

"Well, I'm no expert, but I think that's a good first step."

"What is?"

"Saying you don't know without accompanying that statement with something about how you're stupid. I think that's a good first step. You can need help without being dumb for it."

"You sure about that?"

"Absolutely. If it wasn't true, then, I'd be dumb and we both know _that's_ not true."

Tim smiled a little, and Tony decided to be serious again.

"Seriously, though, you can ask for help. I think the reason Dr. Bourning hasn't answered your question is because you weren't really asking for help. He could probably tell that you didn't really want the help yet. If you really do, I'll bet you could ask him again and he'd answer."

"You've never even met Dr. Bourning. How would you know?" Tim asked.

"Because you're still going to him. If you thought he was a hack, you wouldn't keep it up. So you know he's got something you need. You just have to be willing to ask for it."

"Is it wrong to just want it all to be over?"

"No. As long as you know that's impossible."

Another long sigh.

"Yeah, I know."

Tony was suddenly struck by a thought he'd never really had before. Tim had been engaged in a year-long fight against his own mind. No wonder he was tired. He wasn't just fighting himself. He had to keep up his job and his family _and_ keep fighting. That would be exhausting for anyone. Now that he thought about it, the closer Delilah's due date came, the more down Tim had seemed. He was a responsible guy. He knew that he had to do his job well. He knew that Delilah and Tommy needed him, and so he was working as hard as he could with those things, and his own mental health was faltering a little bit. Ducky was likely right about Tim's feelings of guilt, but Tony thought that there might be something of trying to simplify his life just to make things a little easier for himself. It might not even be something he was doing consciously. He just needed less busyness. He couldn't cut out his job or his family, so he dropped his friends, not realizing that it wasn't really making things easier.

"Hey, Tim, would you accept a suggestion?"

"Maybe."

"Just maybe? I'm hurt."

"I'm sure you'll get over it," Tim said, dryly.

"I'm sure I will. But have you thought about taking a leave of absence while everything is so up in the air with Delilah? It's not like you're doing it to play around. You're doing it to take care of your wife. Then, you could have your leave for the time you took off already and you wouldn't be constantly worrying about whether or not Delilah was going into labor while you're at work."

Tim shook his head. "Vance has already given me way too much leniency as it is. I had all that time off last year. I have scheduled some paternity leave after Delilah has the twins. I don't want to take advantage of that."

"You're not," Tony said. "An extended leave isn't something you do for fun. You _need_ this. I mean, think about it. What are you going to do when we get back and Delilah's mom goes home? If Delilah's only going to get worse from here, how will you help her when you're at work? Wouldn't it be easier for you?"

"What about my team?"

"Oh, come on, Tim. Your team can handle it. They know about Delilah, don't they?"

"That she's pregnant, yeah."

"Then, they'll understand, and I know that Weston is pretty experienced on his own."

"Yeah, he is."

"Then, you're not hurting them," Tony said, knowing that Tim would resist giving himself any kind of preferred status. "Tim, you said you don't know how to do it right. One of the things that will help you is not trying to do everything when you can't. You can't handle all this juggling you're doing. I've been watching how tired you are. I can't believe you've managed for this long being that exhausted."

"Lots of parents work with not much sleep," Tim said.

"Yeah, and if they could get more, they would. You can."

He could still see Tim resisting it, even though Tony _knew_ that Tim was smart enough to see the wisdom of it.

"I don't like to push more guilt on you, because I know you have plenty, but think about this, Tim. What if being so tired starts to interfere with how you do your job? Wouldn't you feel worse if that happened than if you just took some time that would let you take care of your wife _and_ recover a little bit from all that?"

"Ouch, Tony. That's not very nice," Tim said, but to Tony's surprise, he was smiling a little, a sure sign that he was starting to listen rather than just reacting.

"I excel at that," Tony said, smiling, too. "But do you see what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." Then, there was another sigh. "I've thought about trying to cut back, but it just seems like there's never a right time for it. There's always another case to do, another form, another...something. The time just isn't right."

"Yes it is. The right time is when you need it, and you need it. Now. You probably needed it a month ago."

There was a pause. One more sigh.

"I'd need to talk to Delilah about it first. I couldn't make a decision like that without her."

Tony grinned. He knew that Delilah would probably agree. She might worry about Tim fretting over her too much, but it was still too practical a suggestion for her to reject it.

"I'll call her myself if you want."

Tim did laugh now. "I'm not having you talk to my wife and ask for permission for me to go play."

"I doubt you'll be doing much playing, except maybe with Tommy."

"You're probably right. But maybe I could even take a nap during the day. I wouldn't mind that," Tim said, sounding almost wistful at the prospect.

Tony could see that the battle was basically won and he was internally celebrating, both that Tim had listened to him before and that he didn't seem to be worse off. His timing had been right this time around.

"Well, now that I'm triumphant, let's go get lunch and then head for California."

"Okay."

They started up the path, but Tim paused for just a moment. Tony looked back at him.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Thanks, Tony."

Tony smiled. "Don't start doing that again."

Tim smiled, but it was a different kind of smile. "I never stopped, even when it was just in my head."

They got back up to the lighthouse.

"Like I've said before," Tony said, "what are friends for?"

"You're more than a friend, Tony. You're family."

"And with that emotional blackmail, I could hardly do anything less. Let's get some lunch, bro."

Tim laughed and they headed for the car.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

They got lunch and then Tim took over the driving as they headed on the last leg of their trip. Somehow, it felt like the trip was already over, as if the real purpose of the trip had been accomplished with Tony finally forcing the conversation Tim had been dreading the entire time.

The funny thing was that Tim had found the conversation wasn't all that bad. He had been thinking it would be a lot worse. It hadn't been easy, but things hadn't been easy in a long time, and if nothing else, Tim _had_ heard Tony's suggestion for taking a leave of absence. It was incredibly tempting. The idea that he could be right there when Delilah needed him, that he wouldn't have to be at work worrying that she'd gone into labor without him there to help. At the same time, he felt like he was trying to get special treatment when he didn't really need it. And yet, he did need it. Delilah was nearly bedridden simply because she couldn't maneuver herself into and out of her chair.

There had been a lot of other things Tony had said, but Tim was choosing to focus on the one thing that had a concrete outcome. That was the thing he could do something about. He felt that maybe he should think more about the rest of the conversation, but not right now.

And yet, some of the things they'd talked about kept creeping into his mind. Like his avoiding Ducky and Jimmy. He couldn't ignore what Tony had said about that. He _had_ been avoiding them. It was so much easier to just go home. He didn't have any worries about what Delilah or Tommy would say to him.

Then, suddenly, he realized that it had been quiet in the car for about twenty minutes. Tony hadn't said a word, not even when they'd got back on I-40 and continued west. He looked over and saw Tony just looking out the window, silently mouthing the words to the current song playing ( _not_ "Route 66").

"Tony, is something wrong?" Tim asked.

Tony turned from the window and smiled easily.

"Nope. Not a thing. Why?"

"You haven't said a word in half an hour."

"No, I haven't," he said, still smiling.

"Okay... why not?"

"Because I could see that you were thinking and when the McGee brain is clicking over, I think it's a good idea to sit back and let it work. When you do real thinking, you usually get to the right answer, eventually."

Tim raised an eyebrow and then focused on the road again. That was the thing about Tony. He would be ridiculous one second and then suddenly deep and insightful the next, although Tim could acknowledge that the ridiculous moments had been dramatically tempered over the last few years.

And for not the first time, the strangeness of this friendship struck him. Sometimes, Tim just couldn't believe that they were friends at all, let alone having Tony as his best friend and someone he treated like family (for good or ill).

"Tony...can I ask you a question?" Tim asked.

"Sure."

"Why are we friends?"

Tony laughed, sounding more than a little surprised.

"Well, I would guess it's because we happen to enjoy each other's company, but I could be wrong."

"No, that's not what I mean. No one would ever look at the two of us and think that we'd be friends. And I've got a lot more out of this friendship than you have."

"No, Tim. You can't start doing that again. You've got to know that friendship isn't based on who gets more."

"But to some degree it has to be, Tony," Tim said. "If only one person is contributing, we say that they're being used, that other person is a moocher or whatever."

"That's not what this is, and I won't let you start talking about yourself that way again, okay? You've needed help with things, but when I needed help you were right there, trying to do that, so knock it off."

Tim smiled a little at that. Tony couldn't be accused of being too mushy. ...except when he was.

"And if I did need help again, I know I could ask you and you'd help if you could...and maybe even if you couldn't, 'cause you're weird like that," Tony added.

Tim knew that Tony meant it. But it was so easy to fall back on the old, tired repeated mental messages.

"Tim, I know that you're still working through all that stuff, but if you can, please, stop acting like you're the bad guy. You're not, and I'm getting tired of having to tell you that. You're too smart to need that reminder."

"It's too easy to forget it," Tim said, softly.

"Which is another reason for you to take some time off so that you can work on it. You're trying to do too much at once. Most people don't have to fight against themselves in addition to all the other things."

"Lucky them," Tim muttered.

"Hey, Tim. You know that I'm right, don't you?"

"About what?"

"About you needing time off."

Tim sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

"Good. And do you know that I'm right about Ducky and Jimmy?"

Tim didn't want to answer that one, so he stayed silent.

"If you don't want to do anything with them, that's your choice, but you just need to stop pretending that it's better for them because it's not."

Then, unexpectedly, Tony dropped it.

"So, now that we've got that much out of the way, it's time for another version of our theme song."

Tim was so surprised at the change in tone and subject that he forgot to groan, even as the strains of Perry Como's 1959 big band cover began to play. It was a better version than some of the more modern versions they'd listened to. In fact, he almost gave in and started singing along, but he resisted at the last second.

Tony sang.

After the song was over, Tim expected a return to the serious subjects, but it didn't happen. Tony really did seem to be moving on for the moment. Tim wasn't sure what to make of that, but he was okay with it, too. So they continued to chat and occasionally sing as they crossed the desert. They got off I-40 whenever they could and drove on the old highway, and there was more of it surviving in California than Tim had expected.

Around about the time they got to a place that probably used to be a town (the map declared it to be Johnston's Corner), Tim finally screwed up his courage enough to ask a question. As he'd told Delilah, it was really Tony's choice as to whether or not he shared, but Tim couldn't help being curious.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"How serious is it between you and your girlfriend?"

Tim stole a glance and was relieved that there was no annoyance or apprehension in Tony's expression. He just looked thoughtful.

"Honestly, I'm not quite sure yet. We're exclusive at this point but neither of us are rushing into anything. I think it _could_ be very serious, but Jo would have to agree and after only a couple of months of dating, I'm not in a hurry to start those kinds of conversations. We haven't even been sharing out to most of our friends that we're dating."

"Why?"

"Because...well, both of us have had errors in judgment when it came to dating in the past and we don't want that kind of commentary, and if it _doesn't_ work out, then, we won't have our friends saying that they expected as much from someone like us."

"So...you're planning on breaking up?"

"No, just being realistic," Tony said. "Tim, this is the first dating I've done in a few years. I don't want to go too slow, but I _really_ don't want to go too fast, either. I've had too much of that and I want this to work out if it can. It won't if I start acting like a brainless teenager."

"I hope you're having fun, though," Tim said, tentatively.

"Oh, we are," Tony said, smiling again. "That's mostly what it is right now. Just fun. If we stick together, then, we'll start having the serious conversations but it's just fun for the time being and I like that. It's been a while since I just had fun with someone I was dating."

Tim really wanted to ask about Ziva, but at the same time, he didn't want to bring her up when Tony seemed happy. Wherever Ziva was, it seemed clear that Tony had moved on and that was a good thing.

There was a long pause. Then, Tony's smile changed a little.

"No, I haven't seen Ziva and I'm not waiting for her to show up again," Tony said.

"I wasn't going to ask," Tim said, quickly.

"I know. But I could hear you thinking about it. No, I don't know where Ziva is and, at this point, I'd wish her good luck and leave it at that. It's over, no matter how things go between Jo and me. It never really got started anyway."

"Do you regret that at all?" Tim asked, since Tony had said something himself.

"Maybe a little, but only in the part of my mind that still lives in a dream world where Ziva and I were ever doing anything but wanting different things at different times. We were never on the same page for anything, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

There were a few minutes of slightly awkward silence, but then, before either of them could think of anything else to say, Tim saw something that had him pushing on his brakes.

"What in the world is that?" he asked, pointing ahead.

"Elmer Long's Bottle Tree Ranch," Tony said, reading a sign. "We need to stop here."

"Okay."

Tim found a place to pull off and both of them got out of the car and walked over. There were a few other people around, but what was capturing their attention was the place itself. It was full of bottles on metal branches. The bottles were all different colors and they looked really tacky but strangely fascinating.

"I feel like I must be tripping or something," Tony said as they walked through the "ranch". "This is so bizarre."

"Yeah," Tim said.

They were walking through "trees" that were simply poles with branches, covered in bottles. There were some old road signs scattered throughout, too. There were beer bottles, pop bottles and bottles that had held who knows what. They started taking picture after picture. Every time they thought that they'd seen it all, there was something else that was altogether different. There was no charge to go in and they caught a glimpse of Elmer Long himself, talking to someone else there. It was just so strange and wonderful to see. At one point, Tony found an old-time rotary phone and ran over to it so he could pose. They found one tree that was shaped like a saguaro cactus with only green bottles. There was a tree topped by horse, another by an old bike seat. It went on and on.

Finally, after about half an hour of mind-boggling views, the sun was low enough that the shadows were getting very long and they still had a couple of hours to go to get to the end of the road. Reluctantly, they tore themselves away from gaping at the bottle trees and left the ranch. They walked back to the car and continued on.

"That was so...weird," Tim said, but he was grinning. "That's a lot stranger than the ball of twine or the dixie cup."

"But fun," Tony said.

"Yeah. Fun."

"Okay, so we have about two hours to go. We need to get a hotel," Tony said. "And we need to get something expensive. Gotta treat ourselves our last two nights."

"So just _how_ expensive are you thinking of?" Tim asked.

"I'll find something and I'll tell you what it costs."

"Tony, we don't have to max out our credit cards just because we made it to the end of the road," Tim said.

"You didn't argue this much last year when you got a hotel room for 500 a night."

Tim raised an eyebrow but didn't look away from the road.

"I was also in the middle of psychotic breakdown, Tony. That's not really the best comparison to make."

"Point taken. Well, we're staying in an expensive hotel anyway. I want to stay right by or on the pier and that'll be expensive. So we're doing it."

"Don't I get a say?"

"Sure. I'll let you pick between two choices."

"What if I think they're both too expensive?"

"Then, you'll just have to suck it up and take your fifty percent of the pain."

Tim laughed a little, although he did feel slightly incredulous at Tony's attitude. Maybe it was just that he had more expenses to worry about, but he couldn't figure out that kind of cavalier approach to spending money. Tony was so tight with it sometimes, but then, he'd willingly fork over a small fortune just for a couple of nights.

"Wow. Over 700 a night. That's too rich even for my blood," Tony said, staring at his phone.

"Good. I think my blood has more ones than hundreds in it," Tim said.

Tony looked up and chuckled. "Good one, Probie."

Then, he was back to searching.

"Oh, how about this one. The Shore Hotel, about 500 a night. Two queens, full ocean view and are the best rooms for celebrating special occasions."

"What special occasion are we celebrating?" Tim asked.

"Finishing our road trip! Of course! How about it? I'm on one of these websites that are giving me a deal so I need to take it or not right now."

"Okay. Do it," Tim said, feeling a little apprehensive about the cost. In another month or so, he was going to more than double the amount of money he'd be required to spend to take care of his family. At least in the beginning.

"Okay. Done! Now, we just need to get there."

"Yeah, without getting in an accident or anything like that because I don't think we'll be able to afford it," Tim said.

Tony just laughed. "Oh, come on. If we deserved a good room last year, we deserve a _great_ room this year. And I didn't go for the 1900 square foot luxury penthouse suite with two bedrooms and two and a half baths."

"What?! A hotel room that's 1900 square feet?" Tim repeated incredulously. "That might be bigger than my house."

"That's why it's luxury."

"Wow. I think staying in a place like that would only make me feel bad."

Tony just laughed again. He seemed completely relaxed and enjoying himself, as if the bottle ranch had completely reset things for him. Tim wasn't sure whether he should trust that or not. He was sure that Tony wasn't really being that blasé about everything. He couldn't be taking it that much in stride. Could he?

They stayed on Route 66 as long as they could, but there were a couple of times that Tim hopped onto an interstate. Then, they were driving through Los Angeles, navigating through L.A. traffic, headed for the end of the road.

Finally, after driving along Colorado Avenue, Tim saw the pier coming into view. It was now genuinely getting dark, the sun below the horizon and some distant clouds coloring the sky pink and orange.

"Okay. What do you want to do? Check out the pier or get to our hotel?"

"Hotel," Tony said. "It's not far from the pier. We can walk and save some money on parking, even if we have to pay for it at the hotel, too."

"Maybe. Maybe not, but I'm okay with parking in a secure place. So, sounds good to me."

"All right. Then, turn right at the end of Route 66...or Colorado Avenue."

Tim smiled and nodded. At the end of the road, he turned right onto Ocean Avenue and drove less than half a mile to the Shore Hotel. The lobby was nice and upscale, but it wasn't jaw-dropping, although Tim enjoyed the beverage service and cookies right when they checked in. But they went up to their room and opened the door.

And there was the ocean. Yes, there was a road in between them and the beach, but still, the ocean was right there. Ocean and sand and palm trees. It was an amazing view. Even Tim had to admit that it was pretty sweet.

"Well, Tim? Worth it?" Tony asked.

"Maybe...I'll let you know when my next credit card bill shows up," Tim said, but he set his bag down and walked out to the balcony. He didn't even mind the cars driving by below them. It was just an amazing view of the ocean.

"You want to go to the pier tonight?"

Tim looked back at Tony and shook his head.

"No. Let's do that tomorrow. We'll have the whole day to look around L.A.," Tim said. "It'll be too dark and probably too crowded to get a good picture with the sign and I'd rather just get something to eat and then go to bed."

"Party pooper," Tony said, but he was smiling.

"I know, but we can do something besides pizza if you want."

"You're so kind. I'll start looking for some place that delivers, but tomorrow, Probie, we're going out to paint the town. We can do it early, but we're not spending all day in this room, no matter how nice it is."

"Yes, sir," Tim said, mock saluting.

They ended up ordering from a Thai place near the hotel, just to get something different. They ate it out on the balcony and then, took turns showering (Tim called Delilah while waiting for Tony) and then, Tim lay down on the bed, and fell asleep, almost before he closed his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Tony woke up and realized that it was full daylight.

 _How did that not wake me up?_

Then, he also realized that his head was half underneath his pillow. Well, that would explain it. He hadn't thought he was tired enough to sleep a long time, but he had been waking up early pretty much every day during this trip. He was due a day of sleeping in. They had only one more stop on the road trip, and they could walk there. It could be as lazy a day as they wanted it to be...without all the chaos and trauma of last year.

After a few minutes, just enjoying the fact that he didn't need to do _anything_ , Tony sat up and stretched. He looked over to Tim's bed and was surprised that it was empty. He turned to look at the clock. It wasn't quite eight. Had Tim really got up before him? Tim, who had been nearly dead on his feet every night and reluctant to wake up at all every morning?

Tony got out of bed and looked around. Then, he spied Tim out on the balcony, sitting on a chair with his feet up on the edge. He didn't appear to be doing anything at all. Just sitting. Tony walked over to the door and pulled it open. It didn't make much noise, and Tim didn't even move. He just sat there, staring out at the ocean.

"Hey, Tim," Tony said, unsure if he should be worried by this or not. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour," Tim said.

"I'm surprised."

Tim smiled a little, but still kept his eyes out on the ocean.

"Me, too. It was too light. Couldn't keep sleeping. I tried, but I guess I'm finally catching up."

"That's a good thing."

"Yeah. Probably."

Tony felt his brow furrowing. He sat down on the other chair.

"Hey, Tim...is something going on that I'm missing?"

Tim smiled again.

"No."

"Okay. Then, is something _not_ going on that I'm missing?"

Tim actually laughed and then sighed.

"I woke up and just for a little while...there was nothing. You were still asleep, my family is back in D.C. My job is back in D.C. I'm in a city where I don't know anyone. And I thought about how nice it was to have absolutely no demands on me. Nothing. I could just sit here without having to do anything, without _feeling_ like I had to do anything. It's tempting to just have that forever. And in the midst of that, I thought about how awful it would be if this was all my life was, if I lived a life devoid of everything and everyone that makes my life hard. And I don't want that...but is it wrong to wish that things could be a little easier again?"

Tony smiled. Only Tim would be like this and not really be depressed about it.

"Of course not. Everyone wants things to be easier, even when they know they can't be. And you know what?"

"What?"

"If you actually give yourself some time, I think you'll get back to things being easier."

Tim smiled again. "You won't drop that, will you."

"Not until I know that you've listened to me. I've noticed it, Tim. The more demands you have on you, the harder it's been for you to be upbeat. It's a heavy weight you're carrying and you don't have to carry it all at once."

There was a long silence.

"You still talk to Gibbs, don't you," Tim said.

Tony was surprised. They'd been avoiding Gibbs all through this trip...and all through the entire last year. Tim had been adamant that he was not interested in knowing what Gibbs was doing with his time. And he'd never asked. Not once. He'd barely even said Gibbs' name.

"Don't you?" Tim asked again.

"Yeah, I do."

A nod.

Followed by an awkward silence. Tony wanted to break it, to end this strangely intense conversation that had been, so far, almost devoid of outward emotion. However, he felt like he couldn't. That whatever was happening needed to happen.

"What's he doing now?"

Tony was now shocked. Tim had declared, very vehemently, that he did _not_ want to know anything about Gibbs' life.

"Well, he does a lot of fishing. On the Chesapeake Bay, mostly. He's been volunteering with some different youth programs."

Tim nodded again.

"Do you still hate him, Tim?"

"Sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

"Yeah."

"What are those times?"

Tim's smile was a little cynical this time.

"When I think about him."

Tony laughed, but it was an awkward laugh.

"Really?"

Another pause.

"No."

Another surprise. For as little as was being said here, Tony was definitely feeling like this was a loaded conversation.

"Really?" he asked again.

"Yeah. I lost ten years of my life, you know."

"Huh?"

"By trying to get rid of Gibbs, I had to push away pretty much everything connected to him. My first ten years at NCIS. It's easier since I'm not at headquarters. But that's what I've done. And even that really hasn't fixed things. But I can't forgive him, Tony. Even though I'm not spitting mad at him, I still can't forgive him for what he did and what he didn't do."

"You don't have to."

"I know. Logically, I know that. But there's a big part of me that feels like I'm failing in some way if I don't. He'd already fallen off the pedestal I put him on for far too many years."

"When?"

"When he got his mother-in-law off for cold-blooded murder. I never could look at him the same way again. But this was too far."

"I know," Tony said.

"And you don't like it."

"No, but it's not me going through it. It's you, so it's your choice."

"Only I don't feel like it really is a choice. It's the only option. Is Gibbs happy?"

Another pause.

"Uh..." Tony wasn't sure what to say that time.

Tim laughed again, but it was less cynical.

"You can be honest, Tony. I'm not going to lose it this time."

"I wasn't worried about that."

"You were, but that's okay. I've earned it. Is Gibbs happy?"

"I think he is a lot of the time. Not always."

Another silence and another nod.

Then, suddenly, Tim sat up and looked at Tony, for the first time in the entire conversation.

"Well, now that you're up, we can get something for breakfast and officially end the road trip on the pier."

Tim stood up and walked back into the room, leaving Tony a little nonplussed on the balcony. What had just happened?

He got up and walked back inside, too. Tim was sitting on his bed, leaning over, ostensibly to put on his shoes.

"Tim, what's going on, here?"

"Nothing really. Just..."

"That wasn't nothing out there. What was that about? You've avoided any mention of Gibbs like the plague for the last year and now, you're suddenly asking if he's happy? What's up?"

Tim finished tying his shoes and then sat up and he looked at Tony with a conflicted expression.

"I was just curious."

"I don't think _just_ applies here," Tony said. He sat down on the bed, too. "Come on, Tim. Let me in on whatever is going on."

Tim nodded and stared at the bed. "I was...wondering how I'd feel hearing you talk about Gibbs. No one mentions him around me anymore, you know. I'm glad of that, but how could I really gauge how I'm doing when I don't even hear about him."

"...and?" Tony asked.

"And I'm not furious, but...I'm not..."

And Tony could see Tim's shame.

"Hey, Tim, after hearing you say you wanted Gibbs dead last year, I really don't think there's anything worse you could say. I'm not judging you here."

"Maybe you should," Tim said, "because I'm a little disappointed that Gibbs is moving on. ...when I'm still struggling with it."

"What you went through was worse. It's going to take longer."

"Yeah. Well, you should get ready. Don't want to waste our whole day in the hotel room."

"Yeah, okay."

Tony went into the bathroom and as he got ready, he suddenly realized that Tim had managed to change the subject again. He was getting back to his usual form, and it had been avoiding talking about the weight he was carrying. So talking about Gibbs was easier. When had _that_ happened? But it had been very effective.

Well, there was still time. Tony felt that Tim was definitely doing a lot better, but he also felt that Tim could get even better than he was...if he would just give himself the chance.

They could still talk while having fun on their last full day.

He quickly finished getting ready and walked out of the bathroom.

"Okay. Do you want to get breakfast here or find somewhere else?" Tony asked.

"There has to be a lot of restaurants around here," Tim said. "Let's go out and find one."

"Okay."

They left the room and found a restaurant serving breakfast. Tim got French toast and Tony got an omelet. They took their time over their meals. While they hadn't done _too_ much rushing on the trip, today was completely about leisure.

"What do you want to do today?" Tony asked.

"Go to the pier and finish the trip," Tim said, smiling.

"Come on, you know what I mean. That's first, of course. What about the rest of the day?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Tim said. "I'd like to go to the beach, but really, I have no idea what's right around here and I don't really want to go touring. Sorry if I'm being a stick in the mud, but..."

"Hey, we've just finished driving almost all the way across the country. You're not being a stick in the mud," Tony said. "Let's finish eating and walk over to the pier. We'll do our pictures and walk around and see what's there. Then, we can do the beach. After that, we'll go back to the hotel and see if there's anything close by that we can just walk to. Okay?"

"Sure. Okay," Tim said.

Then, Tony could see it coming. Tim felt bad.

"If there's something _you_ want to see, Tony..."

"No, Tim. Really. I don't know, either. I mean, there's all the celebrity, Hollywood stuff, but that's not really grabbing me, either. It seems like that's all people ever talk about with Los Angeles. I'm sure there are other things, but that's all I did when I came here as a kid. Did you ever come here? You lived in San Diego for a while, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I don't remember coming up here at all. If we did, I was too young to remember it or it didn't make much of an impression."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Tony said, smiling.

"I'm pretty sure we went to Disneyland once, though."

"That doesn't count as coming to L.A."

Tim smiled. "That's why I didn't mention it before."

They finished eating, paid their bill and then left the restaurant, slowly making their way over to the Santa Monica pier, the official end to the road trip. It was almost ten by the time they got there, but that still meant that most places weren't open. However, they found the sign they'd been looking for. At about the middle of the pier, there was a sign which read _Santa Monica Route 66 End of the Trail_.

This was one place that they had to have a picture. So they each posed under the sign and then got another tourist to take their picture together. Then, they began wandering. There was a Route 66 shop that Tony really wanted to go into, but they would have to wait an hour for it to open. So that meant some meandering. They decided to go down to the beach and spend some time there instead of on the pier itself. There were already people on the beach, but that was okay. It was to be expected at one of the biggest cities in the U.S. And the beach was so large that they didn't really feel crowded. So they took off their shoes and walked in the sand.

"Tim, why did you change the subject when I was talking about not trying to do the heavylifting?" Tony asked after they'd been walking for a few minutes.

"Did I?"

"Yeah. You asked about Gibbs for the first time since...all that stuff went down. Why?"

Tim shrugged and increased his pace a little bit. Not a lot, just enough that Tony had to catch up.

"Come on, Tim. What gives?"

Another shrug.

"I just... I hate how everyone conveniently forgets that I brought most of this on myself. The problems I have... They're not something I can really blame on anyone else. And so... You talk about my taking time off as if I'm somehow deserving of it, like I'm the innocent victim when I'm really not."

"Then, what are you?" Tony asked, confused.

Tim paused and looked out at the ocean.

"On my worst days, I'm the village idiot, the jester who would willingly bludgeon himself for the amusement of others."

"Tim..."

"That's only on my worst days," Tim said, quickly. "But even on my better days, I'm not the innocent victim. I'm just the screw up."

"You're not, Tim. A decision you made through all that crap you were dealing with does not make you a screw up."

"Yeah, it does. Of all the things I hate about what happened last year, the one I can't let go is how much useless pain I caused other people. And no, I don't include Gibbs in that. I don't care what pain I caused him. He caused _me_ enough."

Tony figured that last part was at least slightly false, but he decided that this was something they just needed to talk about once and for all. It probably wouldn't solve everything, but it would at least make a start and, if Tim was still thinking about last year in such negative terms, then, a start was exactly what they needed.

"Okay, Tim. Let's have a seat."

"Huh?" Tim raised an eyebrow at him.

Tony was always heartened by those very Tim-like reactions. It was almost a cause for celebration, knowing that Tim was recovered enough to simply be a little confused.

"We need to talk about this. So sit down on the sand right here where there aren't any people to eavesdrop and I'm going to ask you some questions. No deflecting. Just answer them."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Tim asked as he sat down.

"Not this time," Tony said. "You keep trying to avoid this."

"We've already talked about it."

"We've already _started_ talking about it, but that comes on the heels of avoiding it for months. Do you really think that we've covered everything?"

Yet another shrug.

"Okay. Do you still feel guilty for the road trip last year?"

"Tony..."

"Just answer the question, Tim. Yes or no." Tony knew the answer to this question. Actually, he knew the answers to most of the questions he was answering, and he knew that Tim knew he knew. But there was one question he didn't know the answer to and he was building up to it.

Tim sighed. "Yes."

"Do you think that you could have done something better than you did?"

"I _know_ I could have."

"Just yes or no."

"Fine. Yes," Tim said, sounded just a little irritated.

"Okay. Do you think there's anything you can do to make up for it, in spite of my saying that it's unnecessary and probably impossible?"

"No."

"Do you think that not knowing what to do about it is somehow a black mark against you?"

Pause.

"Yes."

Now, Tony came to the question that he wasn't sure Tim would answer. He knew what he _wanted_ the answer to be, but he wasn't quite sure what Tim would say.

"Can you stop trying to punish yourself because you fell apart? Can you stop thinking that the way Gibbs treated you that day was what you deserved?"

Another pause.

...which lengthened out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Tim sat there, wondering where in the world Tony got the idea that he was allowing _Gibbs_ , of all people, to dictate what was right and wrong in his life.

"What?" he said finally. "Where did you get that idea?"

Tony actually smiled, although he was too serious to be joking.

"Because I _know_ you, Tim. More than he ever was for me or for Kate or for Ziva, Gibbs was your boss. He's the first person you worked for. He's the one who trained you. You said it yourself. You put him on a pedestal and he was there for longer than he should have been. And he probably liked it, even though I'll bet he'd deny that."

"What does that have to do with me thinking Gibbs was treating me right?"

"I didn't say that," Tony said. "You know that the way he treated you was wrong, but I'll bet that there's a part of you that still thinks Gibbs is always right and that, if he did that to you, it was because, somehow, you deserved it, no matter how wrong it was."

"That's just stupid, Tony," Tim said, feeling more irritated that Tony would even _think_ he'd be that wimpy.

"Okay, fine. It is. You tell _me_ then, that you weren't afraid Gibbs was right and you were wrong or that if Gibbs had been in that room Allison Jenkins would have survived. Tell me that and I'll believe you."

Tim glared at him.

"And no getting up and walking away. Tell me that, Tim."

The irritating thing was that Tim knew that Tony was aware of how Tim had felt back then. It wasn't like he could lie about it.

"Well?"

"You're making me sound like a brainless..."

"No," Tony said, cutting him off. "I'm trying to get you to really think about how you've been feeling. Tim, I don't blame you for wishing you could go back and fix things. You can't do it, but I understand wanting to. I just think that you're making yourself feel worse than you should. I mean...you shouldn't at all, but if you're going to, at least understand why. You want Gibbs to be perfect even though you know he's not, and some part of you refuses to let him off that pedestal."

Tim resisted the idea that Gibbs could be influencing him even a little bit. It was ludicrous, especially when he hated him so much. He wanted to tell Tony just what he could do with his suggestion.

...but at the same time, there was a little voice in the back of his mind that was keeping him from being as angry as he wanted to be. The voice that agreed with what Tony was saying, the voice he spent a lot of time mentally yelling at.

"I hate Gibbs," he said, knowing that he wasn't actually answering Tony's question.

"Yeah, I know. I don't know how you do it, Tim. You manage to hate Gibbs with complete justification and yet still let him have control at the same time. How you don't have a brain malfunction is beyond me."

"I did have a brain malfunction, Tony," Tim said. "Did you forget last year? Or a few years before that?"

"Not like that, and you know it," Tony said. "But you still aren't answering my question."

"I don't have to."

"I know that, but you should because the fact that you don't want to says almost as much as an answer would."

"Then, there's no need to say _anything_ ," Tim said, seizing on the possible out. "You already know all the answers."

In fact, he started to get up, but stopped when Tony grabbed his arm. The grip wasn't strong, but Tim knew that he was just trying to run away from the conversation so he sank back to the sand and sighed.

"Tim, I know you don't want to talk about this, but you really should, especially if it's this hard. ...does Dr. Bourning know how you feel about Gibbs?"

"Of course. How could he not? I've been very honest about what I think about Gibbs," Tim said, but he couldn't leave it at that, not and be honest. "...but he doesn't know how I _felt_."

"You mean the whole pedestal thing?"

"Yeah."

"Does that mean I'm at least a little bit right?"

Tim sighed again. "I don't know, Tony. I hate Gibbs. I really do, but I wouldn't have if he hadn't just...acted like what happened to me didn't matter. If he had just expressed a little bit of concern...maybe I would have...known what to do. Maybe I could have...been better. And I'm not blaming it all on him, but... to have him just stand there and act like it was over and I had no right to be upset. I was so far beyond upset that I'm amazed that I could even speak coherently." He felt his throat tighten as he thought about what he had seen that day. "I can still see it as if it just happened. And then... Gibbs was just standing there, acting like he was completely unaffected. I had just seen a woman killed, begging me to save her and I'd failed. And nothing from him. Sure, he apologized after we got back, but that was almost a month later. It just doesn't mean much to me. Maybe it should, but it doesn't." He chanced looking over at Tony. "I thought I was worth more than that."

"You are."

"Well, I didn't see it."

"And you still don't."

"No."

"Then, Tim, that's something you can change," Tony said. "You _are_ worth more than the way Gibbs treated you that day. He was wrong. No matter what else was going on, he was wrong about that. He should have said so, but he didn't. That's not _your_ fault. That's his. So if there's even a tiny part of you that's thinking that Gibbs was somehow right, stop it. I don't care how small it is, if it's there, it's wrong and you need to let that go. No, I don't hate Gibbs like you do. I can't, but he was wrong on that day and I just wish that he'd admit that part of it to you like he did about going against your orders."

Tim shook his head and looked back at the ocean.

"That's never going to happen, Tony. Gibbs doesn't care about stuff like that. He's just not going to admit that he should have been nicer. In fact, the one time I said I liked him being nice, you and Abby both got mad at me for it."

"Huh? When did _that_ happen?"

"After Kate died. You kept trying to make Gibbs react like he usually did and he wasn't and I said that I didn't mind that he was being a little nicer and I was the bad guy for thinking that."

"Oh," Tony said.

He seemed a little nonplussed. In fact, Tim guessed that Tony had no idea what he was talking about. Well, par for the course. Things that mattered a _lot_ to him meant little to anyone else.

"You don't remember."

"No...I don't. Sorry. I really don't remember that."

Tim shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that we both know that Gibbs wouldn't ever do that. Maybe for Abby, maybe for you. Not for me. Not _ever_ for me. You're like his surrogate family. We both know that Gibbs doesn't think of me that way. I was just his employee."

Tim could see that Tony wanted to deny it, but that he couldn't. There was another long silence, and Tim found himself wishing that Tony could refute what he was 100 percent sure of. However, it was impossible.

"Even if that's true, Tim, it doesn't matter. If Gibbs does or doesn't think like that, it has no bearing on reality. It doesn't mean that you're getting what you deserve. It doesn't mean that you're the bad guy. It doesn't mean that you're the screw up. It doesn't mean any of those things. All it means is that Gibbs isn't perfect and we both knew _that_ already."

"I just wish that I knew what I'd done wrong."

"Nothing," Tony said. "That's what you need to stop. You need to stop thinking that you're the one with the problem. You're not. It's Gibbs. You need to let go of this idea that your value is based on what _Gibbs_ says or does. You're better than that."

"Yeah, how pitiful."

"No," Tony said. "No, it's not pitiful, Tim. It's human. I just want you to see that you don't deserve the load you're carrying or the way you got left behind. You deserve to have things be a little easier."

Tim took a deep breath and looked out at the ocean once more. He could hear the words. He could even believe that Tony was sincere. It was just...

"Maybe someday, I can believe that again."

Tony squeezed his shoulder and gave him a little shake.

"You will. Now, it's almost eleven and I want a Route 66 souvenir from the end of the road. So let's go."

Tim smiled. "Okay."

They got up and started a slow meandering path back to the pier. No rush.

Tim kept looking out at the ocean, part of him wishing that he didn't have to go back to his responsibilities and part of him wishing he was already back. Just like the waves. In and out. In and out. Wind pushing the water in, then, receding back until the next gust. Over and over until the end of time.

"You going to make a run for it, Probie?" Tony asked.

Tim looked back him.

"What?"

"You keep looking at the ocean like you're going to go out there and dive right in."

"I'd probably get eaten by a shark with my luck," Tim said.

"Well, as long as there are no sharknadoes, I think we'll be fine."

"No what?"

"Sharknadoes. Stupid, intentionally bad scifi movie. Can't believe you didn't watch it."

Tim laughed. "You can't really be surprised by that, Tony. That's ridiculous. It's sounds completely impossible."

"Sure."

"Then, it shouldn't be called science fiction. If there's no science, it's not scifi."

"But there's _fiction_."

"Then, just call it fiction and stop there," Tim said.

"You seem very adamant," Tony said.

"I am. Scifi gets a bad rap because of stuff like that. I'd rather watch _Manimal_."

"Watch what?"

" _Manimal_ ," Tim said. "It's an '80s scifi show. Only eight episodes and considered one of the worst series ever made. I don't think it deserves that. It wasn't that bad."

"You liked it?" Tony asked, grinning.

"As a kid, yeah. The guy could turn into any animal he wanted to, although that always seemed to involve a hawk or a panther."

"And that's better than shark-filled tornadoes?"

"Sounds like it."

"I'll take your word for it, and that's scifi?"

"Well, not really, but it gets lumped in with scifi, too."

"So what other crappy scifi series did you watch in the eighties?"

" _V_ , _Misfits of Science_ , _Knight Rider_."

"That's not scifi!"

"Sure, it is. Special car that is capable of driving itself and seems to have a personality? It's scifi. _Max Headroom_."

"What? That's a show?"

"Yeah. I really liked that one. It's a dystopian series where TV rules the world and there's this reporter who is trying to subvert the system."

"Of course."

"Well, he gets in an accident and they upload his brain into a computer which creates an artificial intelligence version of him and..."

"And the name?"

Tim grinned. "The last thing he saw before the accident. A sign in a parking garage."

"Maximum headroom," Tony said. "Oh, that's terrible."

"It's satire."

"Gotcha."

They got back to the pier and Tony seemed completely focused on getting his Route 66 souvenir. Tim could acknowledge that they needed something to commemorate the end of the road. The shop was open and they both bought t-shirts, a couple of shot glasses and some other tacky stuff. Then, it was back to the hotel to drop their purchases off and see what there was to see close by.

They got out a map and started looking at it.

"You know...there's just nothing that I care about seeing," Tim said after a few minutes. "What about you?"

"No. So do you know what we're going to do?"

"What?" Tim asked, feeling a little wary.

"We're going to act like we're little kids and we're going to waste our time playing around at the pier. We're going to go on the rides. We're going to play the stupid, rigged games that almost no one can win. We're going to have fun. That's what we're going to do."

At first, Tim was thinking that this sounded like a terrible idea. It would surely be crowded and noisy, and he'd never really done much of that even when he _was_ a kid. Would this really be the best way to end their trip?

"Well, Tim?" Tony asked.

Then, as he thought about it, his opinion changed. It was ridiculous and silly and there wouldn't be a single serious thing going on. Just stupid games, rides and probably more junk food than he'd ever want to consume. One afternoon of nothing but silliness.

"Okay. Let's do it."

"Excellent! But before we go..."

"No, Tony. Please," Tim begged.

Tony just grinned and pulled out his phone. Tim had thought they were free until they got back to Tony's car in D.C. But no. Before he knew it, the strains of "Route 66" were playing, this time by Chuck Berry. The problem was that, even though he was determined _not_ to give in and sing, the words were definitely getting into his head. Tony was dancing around the room with his phone in his hand.

Once the song was over, Tony stopped dancing and walked to the door like nothing had happened.

"You coming?"

"I don't know. How much money could you make dancing like that on the sidewalk?" Tim asked.

"They'd probably pay me to stop," Tony said. "Let's go."

Tim nodded and he followed Tony out of the hotel and back to the pier. For the rest of the day, they acted like kids, eating junk food (although not as much of that as they might have in their younger days), going on rides and playing games. They rode on the Ferris Wheel twice, the carousel once (and got some strange looks), the roller coaster a few times. Then, they went to the Playland Arcade and spent a couple of hours in there. They played air hockey (Tony won all but one game). They played pinball (Tim proved surprisingly adept). They played fooseball (again, Tony won more than Tim). They played skeeball and this time, they were evenly matched. They took pictures of each other all through the day, on every ride, at every game. Tim could honestly say he hadn't had this much silly fun in a very long time.

Finally, it was headed toward evening and after hours on their feet, running around in the sun and being surrounded by the colorful chaos of the pier, they were both ready to be done. So they headed back to the hotel. As they did, Tony spotted a steakhouse and they decided that would be the perfect end to the day. It was pretty expensive, but they decided to splurge. They each got a steak and a side to share. Then, it was back to the hotel to unwind. Tim sent a couple of photos of him and Tony at the pier to Delilah with a note that they'd had a blast and he had missed her. Then, they both showered and were ready for bed.

They turned off the lights and were lying quietly when Tim suddenly felt he had to say something. It was nothing he hadn't said before, but that didn't matter.

"Thanks, Tony," he said softly, in the darkness.

There was a long pause. Tim wondered if Tony would ask what it was for this time. But then...

"You're welcome, Tim."

And he fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Saturday. Tony woke up, knowing that the vacation was almost over. And he decided to take a few minutes before seeing if Tim was up to evaluate how successful it had been. Certainly, it hadn't been 100 percent successful. Tim was still having problems, but at the same time, they'd both had fun, and they'd talked about some of the serious stuff still lingering in the background. So overall, Tony decided that he'd chalk this one up as a success. Perhaps not as fun as previous trips just because of the background stuff they couldn't dismiss yet, but a good time. Tony wasn't feeling stressed out by it to the extent that he needed another vacation. Tim wasn't on the verge of snapping. They were both probably ready for the vacation to be over while still having enjoyed the trip.

Decision made, Tony sat up and then grinned. Tim was dead to the world, lying on his back, both arms flung up over his head, mouth open and drooling. If he was honest, he liked seeing Tim look so goofy because it indicated that he was able to let things go, at least in his sleep.

He did wish that Tim would stop judging himself based on how Gibbs had acted, but he could understand the feeling that Gibbs did things right and so, if they felt wrong it was his fault. Whether he'd admit it or not, Gibbs had cultivated that perception and made extensive use of it. No wonder that it lingered long after Tim left the team. Tony knew that he'd been somewhat guilty of that in the past, but at the same time, Tim _knew_ he wasn't the one who had screwed up. It was Gibbs.

And then, just for a moment, he tried to put himself in Tim's shoes, in that room, seeing what he had seen. Cops saw terrible things on the job, and Tim had seen his share, but Tony couldn't imagine the pain of seeing an innocent killed and having to hear her begging for her life, only to have it taken violently away. It was no wonder that it was taking Tim a while to get through it. Some never could. It seemed like Tim was, but he was doing it so slowly.

A sudden loud snort startled Tony out of his thoughts and he chuckled softly as Tim changed position and starting snoring. Well, they had no plans for today, except to get on a plane and fly back to D.C. Tim could sleep as long as he would.

While he waited for Tim to wake up, Tony decided to get ready and then, once he was dressed, he sat down on the bed again and turned on the TV, at a very low volume. He flipped through the channels for a while before grinning.

"Oh, I must be living right," he said to himself.

 _Route 66_ was playing.

He settled back and watched the end of an episode and over half of another one before Tim started to stir. He looked over and saw that Tim was waking up, and for once, he didn't say anything and didn't "help" Tim get up. He just kept watching.

There was some incoherent mumbling and then, finally, Tim was awake enough to speak.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"Close to eight," Tony said. "Are you ready to get up?"

"No," Tim said, but he sat up and stretched. "Eight?"

"Yeah."

"I hope that's a.m."

Tony laughed. "Yeah, it is."

Tim didn't look completely awake, but he grabbed some clothes and stumbled to the bathroom. Tony just waited. They had time. However, he did get out his phone and start looking for a place to get breakfast that was close enough for them to walk to it. He was with Tim on that. After all the driving they'd done, it was nice to _not_ drive for a while.

By the time the episode was over, Tim was coming out of the bathroom, looking much more alert.

"Okay, I'm awake now," he said. "Where are we going for breakfast?"

"I found a place that serves Belgian waffles. You can even build your own. Just a couple of blocks from here. Sound good?"

"Yes," Tim said, easily. "Let's go."

"In a rush?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Tim said. "I'm starving."

"After all that steak we ate yesterday? And all that junk food?"

"Maybe it's _because_ of the junk food," Tim said, smiling. "But I woke up because my stomach was growling. I don't want to waste any time. So let's go."

Tony just laughed and grabbed his stuff. They left the hotel and walked to the local restaurant. They both got coffee and waffles. Tim got one with strawberries, chocolate drizzle and whipped cream. Tony got one with peanut butter, bananas, pecans and maple syrup. They were decadent and delicious. Then, they walked back to the hotel to see if there was anything else they'd do before going home. They didn't have very much time, but there was an hour or two.

"Anything you want to do, Tim?" Tony asked.

"No," Tim said. "This is my last chance to sit and do nothing for the foreseeable future, so I think I'd like to just do that."

"That's it?"

"That's it...unless you have a better idea."

Tony could see that, for the moment, nothing he could come up with would be better to Tim, and he had to admit that Tim's suggestion had some appeal. They'd been going the whole week and it had been fun stuff, but now, they could just sit and wait until it was time to go to the airport.

"I don't," Tony said.

He sat down on the bed and turned on the TV.

And he was pleased to see that the _Route 66_ marathon was still going.

"Perfect. A road trip series to end our road trip," he said.

"What is it?"

"It's called _Route 66_ ," Tony said, grinning.

"Please don't tell me that the theme is the song."

"Nope. Completely different. They're really not even on Route 66 most of the time. I saw one episode where they were in Toronto."

"Then, we can watch it," Tim said.

And for the next two hours, that's what they did. They watched two episodes of _Route 66_. It was a relaxing time. They didn't really talk, except to comment on the show and they just sat around until it was time to pack up.

"Okay, Tim. I know you're glued to the TV, but we need to get to the airport and catch our flight."

Tim laughed. "This was your idea, Tony. I'm fine with turning off the TV."

"Good."

The TV went off and they began to gather up their stuff. Tim had thought to bring an extra bag for souvenirs and they nearly filled it up. Then, it was down to check out and drive to the airport where they dropped off the rental and checked in to their flight. As they sat in the airport, Tony looked over and saw Tim with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What's that look for?"

"So are you Tod or Buz?"

"Huh?"

" _Route 66_. Are you Tod or Buz?"

"I'm Tony," Tony said. "Did you forget?"

Tim laughed.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah. I'm sure that I'm Buz and you're Tod."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm the hip guy. You're the clean-cut good guy."

"My dad isn't a rich guy."

"He gave you a car."

"And you're hardly working class."

"Oh, come on. You're looking at little details. I'm looking at the bigger picture. You're the all-American boy. I'm the rebel without a cause."

Tim laughed.

"You're the one who pretends to be a rebel, but you're not really a rebel."

"I'm not?"

"You're a cop, Tony. Your job is to uphold the law. You're not a rebel."

"Oh, I'm just rebelling against other things."

"Yeah?" Tim said, skeptically. "When you figure out what you're rebelling against, let me know."

"I will. I did say I was without a cause."

Tim laughed.

Then, their flight was called and they boarded, ready for the direct flight back to D.C.

The flight was uneventful, something everyone appreciated. When they landed in D.C., it was just a matter of picking up their bags and then getting to Tony's car in long-term parking.

"Back home," Tony said.

"Yeah."

Tony looked over at Tim and saw something that made him a little concerned.

"Hey, you okay?"

Tim smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Tony. You don't need to worry about me."

"Well, I am a little worried. What's going on?"

"Back to real life," Tim said. "That means back to stress. I wouldn't give it up, but it's not easy for me right now. Maybe it will be someday...but not today. Today, it's hard to take it on again."

The ride to Tim's home was quiet, and when they pulled up, Tim paused for a moment before getting out of the car. Tony could see the weight Tim carried settling on his shoulders again as he prepared to return to his life and all the stress that it involved.

"You're going to be on the couch, you know," Tim said. "I hope that's okay. Virginia will be in the spare room, and I'm not making my mother-in-law sleep on the couch. She likes me right now."

Tony laughed. "No problem. I've slept on a lot worse than a couch."

"Me, too."

Then, Tim got out of the car. Tony followed him as they went in the front door. Virginia was sitting on the couch reading. The house was quiet. She looked up as they came inside and she smiled.

"Tim, Tony. Welcome back. Was it a good trip?"

"Absolutely," Tim said. "Is Delilah awake?"

"Probably. She did go to bed early tonight, but she wasn't planning on sleeping. Tommy is asleep."

"I'd be surprised if he wasn't," Tim said. "Tony is staying the night here before going back to Norfolk. He'll be on the couch."

"Of course," Virginia said, getting up. "I'll grab the spare sheets and blankets."

"Oh, you don't need to do that," Tony said. "I can make up my own bed."

"Yes, but I've been sitting on your bed. The least I can do is make it ready for you. I'm sure you two are tired after all that driving."

Over Tony's quiet protests, Virginia went to make up Tony's bed while Tim slipped away to see Delilah. Just a little bit curious, Tony walked over to where he could see into the bedroom.

Tim was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging Delilah tightly. Whatever they were saying to each other was too soft to hear, and Tony didn't try to eavesdrop. Instead, he went back to the front room.

"How is she?" he asked Virginia as she made up the pull-out couch.

Virginia looked up at him and smiled.

"Pregnant. You know my daughter. She hates being held back in any way, and this pregnancy has held her back. I suppose it's good in a way. It forces her to rely on others for help and she doesn't like to do that. She thinks it makes her weak if she can't do everything for herself."

"Tim helped her even before she was pregnant."

"Yes, and I can tell you without feeling worried about breaking confidences that I had a couple of phone calls from Tim early on in their marriage where he asked me what he was doing wrong and why his wife didn't want him doing anything for her, the kinds of things he would have done, wheelchair or no wheelchair. I know they managed to work it out, but it's still hard for Delilah to accept help for anything that might indicate physical weakness."

To Tony, it sounded like Tim's outlook on his psychological needs was the same as Delilah's outlook on her physical needs. The difference was that Delilah had no choice but to accept help when she genuinely couldn't do something and Tim could keep pushing himself even when he felt like he couldn't.

"There. That should do it. Thank you for being Tim's friend, Tony. I know that you don't become friends because it's the right thing to do. You obviously like him, but you've done so much for Tim, and I can tell the difference, especially over the last year. You're slowly saving my son-in-law from himself."

"Tim's doing a lot of it all on his own. I couldn't help him if he didn't want it," Tony said, not wanting to indicate that Tim was too weak in front of his mother-in-law.

Virginia just smiled. "Yes, he is. He's trying to do all of it, but you're almost the only one who can make him acknowledge that getting help isn't a sign of weakness. Now, I'll let you get settled for the night. Now that Tim is here to take over the duties, I can go to bed myself."

Virginia left Tony in the main room. Tony set down his bag and then sat on the bed. Not the best mattress but pretty good for a pull-out. He decided to call Jo and give a report.

" _Tony!"_ Jo said, sounding happy just to hear from him. _"Are you back?"_

"Well, I'm in D.C. I'll be heading to Norfolk tomorrow, but I wanted to warn you that I have a couple of errands first, so it'll be a little later when I get there."

" _You're saying no to dinner, then?"_

"No way. But let me call you when I get home, all right? Then, we can figure out how much time we have."

" _Works for me. How was your trip? Serious or fun?"_

"Both. I knew it would be, and I got you some great souvenirs."

" _You'd better. I hope it's not just a keychain with my name on it."_

Instantly, Tony regretted that he _hadn't_ bought one of those for her.

"Nope, but if I had known you were wanting that, I would have bought that. It's a surprise. You'll have to wait and see."

" _Now, I can't wait for tomorrow. Sleep well and call me."_

"Yes, on both counts."

" _Good. Good night, Tony."_

"Night, Jo."

Tony hung up and then went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. It was too late to want to do anything else, even if it wasn't _really_ late.

A successful trip.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"I love you," Tim said softly.

"I love you, too," Delilah said. "I really missed you, Tim, but I'm glad you went."

"I didn't have a choice. You threatened to kick me out."

Delilah laughed and then kissed him.

"I did it out of love."

"I know. How are you feeling?"

"Like if I get any bigger I'll explode, but Mom was good during the week."

"I'm glad. Tony made a suggestion while we were traveling and I wanted to see what you thought."

"Uh oh. Should I be worried?" Delilah asked, teasingly.

"Not this time. It's not another drum."

Delilah groaned. "No, Tony will probably get a mini piano and guitar so that we can have a full rock band by the time Tommy is five."

"We'll have to say no to that, but that wasn't it."

"I know. Go ahead."

"First, how much help did your mom have to give you?"

Delilah grimaced. "More than I wanted. It's kind of embarrassing having to have help getting on and off the toilet."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for what you can't control, Tim."

"I know that, too. Anyway, since it's not going to get any easier for you and I'll just be worrying while I'm at work, what if I requested a leave of absence until you have the twins and that could feed into the time off I already had planned after."

"You've had so much time off already, Tim. Would that be allowed?"

"I think so. I'd ask Director Vance, maybe tomorrow, if you thought it was a good idea. It's a federal job, so the FMLA would apply, and it's not like there's no reason for it. You need help, Delilah, and I would hate to think what would happen if you went into labor while I was at work. But it is unpaid, so this would have to be something that you agree to, and besides, if you don't want me around to fret, that's your perogative. You're the one having the babies."

Delilah smiled, but she lay back and thought about it. Tim let her. He was ambivalent, but he also felt that it was a very good idea. One of the many contradictions in his life. However, it would just be simpler for him if it was possible.

"This was Tony's idea?"

"Yeah."

"What made him even suggest it?"

"He thinks I'm dealing with too many things at once and since you can't just _not_ be pregnant, my job would be the easy weight to set down for a while."

"Well, he's right about that. You do have a lot to deal with right now. Do _you_ think it would be a good idea? Do you want to be at home for all that time?"

"I'd feel better knowing that I was close by when you needed me. The other option is to have someone come in and check on you throughout the day. But if I was here, we could also have Tommy home and save money on daycare."

"That would probably almost balance out what you wouldn't be getting paid." She thought a little more. "Yes. I think it's a good idea, Tim. Goodness knows I won't be getting any more able-bodied for the next few weeks."

"The FMLA allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. If I took that, it would cover both before and after."

"Okay. Yes, I think you should do it. It would take a weight off both of us, even if it's only figurative."

Tim knew how uncomfortable it was for Delilah. They would never have intentionally had twins, and if they had known in advance, they might not have done it at all, but at the same time, there was excitement about them coming. He leaned over and gently kissed Delilah's belly.

"Is there anything I can do for you right now?"

Delilah smiled. "I've been missing your special touch, Tim. I could really use a back massage. Mom just isn't as good."

"I can do that," Tim said.

He helped Delilah roll over onto her side and he started to massage her back, starting near her waist where she had less feeling and then working his way up to her shoulders and her neck. He kissed her neck as he kneaded the tense muscles in her shoulders.

"I really missed you, Tim," Delilah whispered.

"I missed you, too."

Once he finished massaging her back, Tim helped Delilah roll back over and then he massaged her legs. Not because she could feel it but because it was something he had done for her since they got married. She had always claimed that it helped, even though she couldn't feel what he was doing. She said that she could see it and that was what mattered.

"You can tell me everything tomorrow," Delilah said after a few silent minutes. "For now, just get ready for bed and hold me."

"I can do that," Tim said.

He quickly changed his clothes and then lay down next to his wife and held her in his arms.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Tim woke up early. He rolled over and looked at Delilah who was sleeping, albeit not very deeply. For her sake, Tim hoped that it wouldn't be much longer. For the babies' sake, he hoped it would be as long as possible. As he lay there, he heard some rustling over the baby monitor. As quickly as he could without disturbing Delilah, Tim got out of bed and turned off the baby monitor. With as hard as it was for her to get a good amount of sleep right now, he didn't want to wake her early on a Sunday. He crept out of the bedroom and headed for Tommy's room. Probably, they could have stopped using it more than a year ago, but they had been first-time parents and had worried about something happening to their son when they were away from him. Now, they'd need it for the twins, but maybe not for as long.

When he got into the living room, Tim paused when he saw Tony sleeping on the couch. While he couldn't stop his regret for all he'd put Tony through in the last year, he could also admit that this trip had been good for him _and_ they'd managed to have fun.

For now, he didn't want to disturb Tony, either. He tiptoed past the couch to Tommy's room, right across from the spare room. ...which wouldn't be spare for much longer. Very quietly, he opened Tommy's door and then closed it behind him to make sure that the inevitable squeals didn't wake anyone up.

Tommy was still in bed with his eyes closed, but Tim could tell that he was almost awake. Tommy got restless before he truly woke up. So for the moment, Tim was content to wait while he watched his sweet, innocent son sleep. He walked over to the bed and knelt down beside it, smiling as Tommy lay there. He waited for a few minutes and then, Tommy's eyes began to open.

"Good morning, Tommy," Tim said, softly. "Did you miss me?"

For just a second, Tommy looked confused and then his eyes opened wide.

"Daddy!" he squealed. He leapt out of bed and nearly tackled Tim in his desire to hug his dad.

"I really missed you, Tommy," Tim said, hugging him tightly. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes! Yes!" Tommy said, at the top of his lungs as always. "Love you tons, Daddy!"

"I love you, too. To the moon and back," Tim said.

Then, Tommy pulled back and grinned.

"Play with me, Daddy."

"Okay, but it needs to be something quiet. Your grandma and your mother are still sleeping."

Tim didn't mention Tony because Tommy really would squeal and wake up the whole house in his excitement. And Tim could admit to himself that he wanted this little bit of time to just play with his son.

They got out the blocks and Tim helped Tommy build towers and then knock them over. This occupied them both for quite some time. After a while, Tim heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned around and saw Tony watching him and smiling like this was the best thing he'd ever seen.

"Your engineering skills need some work, Tim," Tony said.

Tim grinned and shook his head. "Nope. These do exactly what I want them to do."

Then, Tommy gave another excited squeal.

"Tony!"

And he launched himself at Tony who grabbed him and threw him up in the air while Tommy laughed giddily.

So much for keeping things quiet. Oh, well. It was late enough to start breakfast anyway.

"What do you want for breakfast, Tommy?" Tim asked, although he knew what the answer would be. It was almost always the same.

"Pancakes! Pancakes and syrup!" Tommy announced at the top of his lungs. "Help you, Daddy?"

For some reason, Tim was suddenly deeply touched by Tommy's childlike desire to help. He just meant helping with breakfast and he wouldn't really be all that much help, but it didn't matter one bit.

"Okay, Tommy. You can help me."

"Tony, help too!"

"Sure, I can do that, although it's been a while since I made pancakes," Tony said.

"Then, you can set the table while we make pancakes," Tim said.

"I think I can handle that. Don't you, Tommy?"

Tommy just giggled.

"But you need to wait until we get the batter made so that Tommy can pick out the plates."

"Oh, well, we must have that," Tony said, grinning at Tommy.

"Yea, plates!"

Tim got up and they went into the kitchen. Tommy poured the flour into the sifter and then Tim helped him sift the flour into the bowl. After that, though, Tony distracted him with picking out the plates and they set the table which was only barely big enough for five people. That thought made Tim wonder about how they were going to manage the twins, but that made him stressed and so he tried to focus on the pancakes.

After he'd got quite a few made, he decided he'd better go and see how Delilah was doing.

"Tony, you think you can handle finishing these up while I check on Delilah? Or do I need to get Virginia to do it?"

Tony grinned.

"If you're willing to take the risk, I'll be willing to do it."

"Okay. I'm willing."

"Then, I'm willing."

Tim gestured to the griddle and he headed back to the bedroom. Delilah had justed managed to sit up, and she looked at him with a combination of gratitude and frustration.

"Perfect timing, Tim," she said.

"Can you still get ready yourself or do you need my help?"

"I can do it, but it'll be faster with your help."

"Okay."

Quickly, Tim got out the clothes she asked for and then, helped her into her chair and into the bathroom where she showered and then, he helped her get dressed. She wheeled herself to the kitchen, though. Tim knew that she wanted to have some control still and he tried to give her what she wanted to have, even if it was hard sometimes to watch her struggle. As they came into the kitchen, Virginia was making syrup and Tony was just finishing flipping the last of the pancakes.

"What's for breakfast, as if I don't already know?" Delilah asked.

"Pancakes!" Tommy announced. "Tony got a shirt!"

Tim realized that Tommy was indeed wearing one of the shirts Tony had bought.

"It looks great, Tommy. Did you say thank you?"

"He did," Virginia said. "I'm surprised you didn't hear."

"We were busy," Delilah said. She leaned over as much as she could and kissed Tommy on the cheek. "Good morning, Tommy."

"Love you, Mommy. Look at the plates!"

"I got you a shirt, too, Delilah," Tony said, "but I don't think it'll fit right now."

"Probably not."

"Looks like you've all been busy," Tim said. "Okay, Tommy, who do you want to sit by today?"

With the embarrassment of choice Tommy had at the moment, Tim wondered who he'd pick. Too many options to know.

"Daddy and Tony!"

With that, Tommy ran to his usual seat and pointed to the chair beside him.

"Tony! Sit here!"

"You don't need to shout, Tommy," Delilah said. "We can all hear you just fine."

Tim sat down in his usual seat while Delilah rolled to her spot. Virginia sat on one side of the table while Tony sat down where Tommy told him to sit. After breakfast, Virginia took over cleaning the stickiness off Tommy's face and hands and she and Delilah dragged him into the living room to read a story while Tony and Tim cleaned up the kitchen.

"You were up early this morning after all your lazy days," Tony said.

"Lots to do, Tony," Tim said, knowing what Tony was talking about.

"And?"

"And I talked to Delilah about it."

"Good. I have to get going so I can get back to Norfolk at a reasonable time."

"Yeah, and maybe hang out with your girlfriend?"

"Maybe," Tony said, smiling.

"Tony, thanks. Really."

"I had fun, too, Tim. It was just having fun."

"No, it wasn't," Tim said. "It never is. It never has been, not once. It's always more than that."

"But it was still having fun and I did," Tony said. "And when the twins come, if you need me here, just tell me and I'll come. It won't be on the spot, but I'll come as soon as I can. So you tell me if you need me here. I can watch Tommy or just be here if that's what you need."

Tim felt an embarrassing tightening in his throat for the second time that morning, but he swallowed it and nodded.

"Okay."

"Good. Now, I'd better make sure I have all my stuff straight."

Tim followed Tony out of the kitchen and saw Tommy, flanked by his mother and grandmother with a book called _There's One in Every Bunch_ open on his lap. He stood and listened as Delilah read it and Tommy kept pointing to all the owls on each page.

After the book was finished, Tim applauded. Then, Tony came out of the bathroom.

"Well, I've got to get on my way. A little more road-tripping for me before I'm done."

Delilah held out her hand and Tony walked over. Then, Tim watched as she yanked him down and gave him an awkward hug.

"Thank you, Tony. And give me a couple more months and I'll be ready to meet your girlfriend."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Tommy, say good-bye to Tony."

Tommy jumped off the couch and hugged Tony around the knees.

"Bye, Tony!"

"Bye, Tommy. See you later, okay?"

"Okay!"

Then, Tim walked Tony to the front door.

"End of another trip," he said.

"Yep," Tony agreed. "And it was good, Tim. I had fun and I don't know if we'll find someplace else to go, but give it a couple of years and we'll take Tommy with us."

Tim smiled.

"I'd like that."

"Good. Well, I'd better get going so my road trip can end today, too."

"Okay."

Tim hugged Tony quickly and opened the door.

"Drive safe," he said.

"Of course. Wouldn't dream of doing anything else."

"Right."

Then, Tony left. Tim closed the door and went back to his family, knowing that he'd need to call Vance today, even if it was Sunday so that they could figure out how much longer Virginia would be staying.

"Okay. Who is ready to see the souvenirs I got them?" he asked.

There was a chorus of excitement and Tim went to pull out all the things he'd bought on the trip.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony celebrated as he got out of the house without Tim suspecting anything. He had lots of stops to make before he was finished with his day, and he hoped that all these stops would be the beginning of helping Tim get through this rough patch. Two of them would be simple and two would be complicated. One would be extremely complicated.

But it would be worth it.

He decided to start with the less complicated of the two difficult stops. He looked at his watch.

Abby would be up. Maybe.

He drove over to her place and knocked on her door. Then, he waited. After a few seconds, he could hear her on the other side.

"Come on, Abby. I know you're there," he said, just loudly enough to be heard.

There was the sound of the locks turning and then the door opened.

"Tony, what are you doing here? It's Sunday morning!"

"I knew you'd be home."

Abby grinned. "Well, I'm home, but I'm not home alone."

"Yeah? You know his name?" Tony teased.

"Of course. I'm not in my twenties anymore."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Or my thirties. I can see the writing on the wall. We're doing a friends with benefits thing."

"Going well?"

"So far."

"Do I know him?"

"I'm not telling," Abby said. She was slightly petulant but still smiling.

"Fine, fine. Can I come in for a few minutes?"

"Sure, I guess."

Tony walked into the apartment and then was surprised when Abby hugged him tightly.

"You don't come to DC nearly enough, Tony! I miss you!"

"You could come to Norfolk, too, you know."

"I know," Abby said and sighed. "It's just not the same."

"Nothing stays the same."

"I know. It stinks."

They sat down on one of the black couches.

"Well, first things first. I have something for you."

"Ooh! What is it?"

Tony pulled out the t-shirt with the pink scorpion on it and handed it to her.

"Oh, it's great! I love it! Where did you get it?"

"I went on a road trip. Route 66."

"Fun."

"There's a city in Arizona called Lake Havasu City. It's where the London Bridge is."

"Oh, I've heard of that. Cool. I love it!"

Tony wasn't surprised, and he would tell her who had picked it out soon enough. He also wasn't surprised when she changed into the t-shirt right there.

"Okay, so I doubt that you stopped by so early just to drop off a present."

"Well, I do have to get back to Norfolk. I have work tomorrow," Tony said, "but I do have something else, and you may not like it."

"Oh. One of _those_ kinds of conversations. Well, go ahead, Tony. Ruin my Sunday."

Tony smiled. That was Abby all around. She just wasn't really someone who wanted to do the deep conversations. He didn't really, either, but this was important.

"Okay. Here it is. Do you blame Tim for Gibbs leaving?"

Abby was quiet for a few seconds and then, she looked down at her shirt and up at him, the question obvious in her eyes.

"I bought it," Tony said. "But Tim is the one who said it would be perfect for you. He didn't dare buy it himself."

"It's been more than a year, Tony."

"Yeah, and you and Tim haven't talked to each other pretty much at all in all that time. I know that because Tim admitted it."

"And he said he's scared to talk to me?"

"No, but that's what it is. He thinks you'll blame him for what happened. Would you?"

"It wasn't his fault," Abby said, softly.

"But would you? Just because you know what's right doesn't mean you'd follow that."

Abby looked away.

"It's just not the same anymore, Tony. First, Ziva. Then, you. Then, Tim went to the field office. Then, Ducky retired. People keep leaving. And Gibbs left."

"Yeah, because of _his_ choice, not because of Tim. Gibbs chose to retire and really, Abbs, you must know what happened. It was Gibbs' fault."

Abby looked over at him in surprise.

"Yes, Abby. I can acknowledge when Gibbs is wrong. And he was. You know that."

She nodded reluctantly. Tony was struck by the realization that, even more than he had, more than Tim ever had, Abby had put Gibbs on a pedestal and he had never come down off it, not because she didn't _know_ he shouldn't be up there but because she refused to admit it.

"And so, is Tim right that he'd have to worry about you saying something hurtful to him? Or ignore him because you decided that you'd rather have Gibbs around than him?"

"That's not fair, Tony," Abby said. "I would never say that."

"Maybe not, but you might imply it because Tim is there and Gibbs isn't. Abby, if you really wanted to see Tim in the last year, you would have. Did you know that Delilah is having another baby?"

"No."

"Did you know how much trouble Tim has had trying to get over seeing that woman killed?"

"People have talked about it."

"Yeah, but how much do you actually know and how much is it just that you've heard things?"

Abby was quiet.

"Abby, you're avoiding Tim as much as he's avoiding you. And that's wrong, but if you're only going to hurt him, you should keep it up. Tim's gone through a lot in the last year. He's still working on it. Abby, he saw a woman shot in the head. You should have been the one wanting to comfort him, but you didn't."

"He could have come to see me."

"He can't take that risk right now. Abby, he's avoiding headquarters all together just because he's afraid that other people will feel like you do, that he shouldn't be there."

"That's not how I feel!" Abby protested, but then, she sighed. "But I might have said that to him."

"Exactly. You see Gibbs still, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"And he doesn't blame Tim, does he." It wasn't even a question. Tony knew it. So did Abby.

"No."

"Then, you have no right to treat Tim like he's to blame. You wouldn't anyway, but you really don't when Gibbs doesn't."

"I know."

Well, that was something, anyway. Maybe he'd got her to think. Maybe not. Abby was always going to be iffy about these things.

After a few seconds of silence, Abby scooted over and leaned on him.

"I don't like it when things change, Tony. I don't like it when people leave. You left. Ziva left. Tim left. Ducky left. Then, Gibbs left. He shouldn't have ever left."

"Abby, Gibbs couldn't work forever. Even he gets old."

"Yeah, but I didn't want him to."

"Well, no one gets everything they want."

"I know."

Tony relented and hugged her from the side.

"Change doesn't mean things have to be bad, Abby. There can be good changes. You like Agent Balboa, don't you?"

"Yeah," Abby said, reluctantly.

"And Ellie is still there."

"Yeah."

"And who else is on the team now?"

"That guy Dwayne who you liked."

"Really? Cool. You liked him, too."

"Yeah. He's good."

"And who else?"

"They just got a new one, just out of FLETC. She's over six feet tall. She could probably bench press you."

"Do you like her?" Tony asked, smiling at the image.

"So far. She's afraid to move around in the lab. Seems to think she'll break something."

"So you like them? All of them?"

"Yeah, but it's still not the same."

"Well, it shouldn't be. It's different people. Abby, you always have me and Ducky and Gibbs. You could have Tim, too, if you were willing to stop blaming him for something that wasn't his fault."

Abby nodded at his renewed point. Then, she hugged him once more.

"You need to come by more often, Tony."

"You could come down to Norfolk, too, you know. It doesn't always have to be me doing the commuting. That's a long drive."

She smiled. "I know." One more hug. "Thanks for the shirt. Now, let me get back to my lazy Sunday."

"Okay."

"Drive safe, okay?"

"I will."

Tony got up and walked to the door. Abby walked with him and hugged him one last time before he left. Well, that hadn't been as definitely positive as he'd hoped, but it was probably as good as he could expect to get with Abby not wanting to let Gibbs bear any responsibility.

One complicated conversation down. The other one wouldn't be here in D.C., Tony figured, but he'd verify that. For the moment, he could do the easy ones. He smiled to himself as he got in his car and drove to Ducky's.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Tony parked his car on the street, walked up to Ducky's front door and knocked. He figured Ducky would definitely be awake.

In moments, the door was open and Ducky was pulling him inside.

"Anthony! How wonderful to see you. Come in. How was your trip?"

"Pretty good. Here, I got you something."

Tony handed Ducky a t-shirt from the Grand Canyon and a shot glass from Meramac Caverns.

"Ah, the ubiquitous tourist shot glass," Ducky said as he accepted it. "I must admit that it's been a long time since I drank anything that would go into a shot glass, but I will treasure it."

"That might be too strong a word," Tony said, laughing.

"Well, you definitely don't look like you need a vacation from your vacation. So what brings you here?"

"Just dropping by before I go back to Norfolk. ...maybe ask a couple of questions."

"Of course. Please, come all the way in."

Tony followed Ducky to the study, glad that he had this easy conversation to look forward to. It was so nice when things were simple.

"You'll probably refuse tea, won't you."

"Yeah. Not really in the mood for it."

"Very well. What can I do for you?"

"First, would I be correct in assuming that Gibbs isn't in town?"

Ducky smiled. "That would be correct."

"Do you know if he's in his usual place?"

"I believe he is."

"Good. That makes it a little easier."

"Might I ask the reason for these questions?"

"I'm just making some...visits."

"And who else have you visited or will you?"

"Well, I visited Abby. I'm going to drop in at Jimmy's after I talk to you."

"And then, Jethro, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And would I be correct in assuming that your intention is to make things better for Timothy?"

"Yeah, although I don't know how well it'll work with Gibbs and Abby."

"Just remember that you can't control other people, Anthony," Ducky said. "Your intentions are admirable, but at some point, you will have to step back and let the chips fall where they may."

"Yeah, I know."

"So was your attempt to talk to Timothy successful?"

"Sort of."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that we talked, but I'm not sure I convinced him that he's not the bad guy."

"Is that how he feels?"

"Yeah. He feels like he should have been able to make better decisions and save everyone a lot of problems, and he's worried that it'll happen again. But there's something else, too."

"What?"

"He's just trying to do too much and I got the feeling that part of the reason he's avoiding you guys is because it's easier just to go home. I convinced him to see if he could get a leave of absence until after Delilah has the twins just to give him one less thing to worry about."

"That's a good idea, Anthony," Ducky said. "I would guess that Director Vance will be willing, given the situation. Timothy has had enough trouble that an extended time away would likely be good for him."

"I hope so. I really don't like him being so down still."

"Nor do I, but remember that he's improving and it's only been a year. He has time. Now, tell me about what's going on for you. Anything new?"

"Well..." Tony hesitated and then decided that he was willing to entrust Ducky with his secret. He hadn't trusted Abby because he didn't want everyone in the world to know until he was sure this was working. "...I met someone a few months ago. We've been dating for about two months now."

Ducky looked delighted. "That's wonderful, Anthony! Did you meet her at work?"

"No. No relationship at all to work. I met her at a swimming pool. She works for a nonprofit. No connection to law enforcement. Her name is Jo."

Then, Tony pulled out his phone and showed him the picture he'd taken for Delilah.

"Here she is."

Ducky looked at the picture and smiled.

"I see you've chosen well."

"How can you tell from a picture?"

"I see someone who is likely unpredictable, given her hair. The smile on her face is real, indicating someone who is settled and happy in her life. And she does seem quite short."

"She is. She's a foot shorter than I am."

"Then, she must have a big personality to make up for that because I have never known you to pursue women who cannot hold their own against your own large personality."

Tony laughed.

"You've got her pegged."

"And you seem to really like her."

"I do."

"How serious is it?"

"Just fun for now."

"But you want it to be serious."

"Maybe," Tony said, smiling.

"Anthony, I am thrilled that you have found someone you can picture yourself with. It's been a long time coming and you are an example of the healing you want for Timothy."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"I'm aware of some of your background," Ducky said. "And you are getting what you've always lacked: a family."

"Well, Tim gets a lot of the credit for that."

"Yes, I would never have guessed it based on the first few years you worked together. It seemed to be a case of barely-mutual tolerance."

"Yeah."

"It's honestly a marvelous thing to witness. You two have become family indeed."

"Yeah, and I think that, if you wanted to drop by his place, he'd be more willing to talk to you."

"That's good to know. If you have as many places to go as you have indicated, you'd better get on your way, but do keep me informed...of how your relationship is progressing."

Tony grinned as he stood up.

"I'll do that."

"Good lad."

Tony left Ducky's, feeling cheered as he always was. Ducky was the one person who pretty much always made him feel better about things. He hadn't always relied on Ducky this way, but really, since the whole thing with Dearing, Tony had found himself looking to Ducky more than he ever had before.

Then, he drove over to Jimmy and Breena's place. This visit probably wouldn't be long, but it would be fun.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim found himself alone midway through the morning. Virginia had taken Tommy out for some last "grandma time". Delilah had needed to lay down for a while. And so Tim was sitting in the living room, staring at his phone, trying to work up the courage to call Vance. He was afraid that his request would be seen as trying to milk his situation, even though that was the furthest thing from his mind.

Still, Vance couldn't say yes or no if the question wasn't asked.

Finally, Tim took a breath and dialed, hoping that the director wouldn't be too upset about being called on a Sunday.

" _Vance."_

"Hello, Director. This is Timothy McGee."

" _Yes, Agent McGee? I'm surprised to hear from you on a Sunday morning."_

"Yes, sir. I apologize for interrupting your day."

" _I'm assuming you feel it's important, so what is it?"_

"Let me preface this by saying that we'll figure something out if your answer is no. I know that I've missed more than my share of work in the last year or so. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to shirk my duties."

" _Agent McGee, the idea of you trying to get out of doing your job is furthest from my mind. Just tell me what the purpose of your call is."_

"Well, my wife will be due soon, and it's becoming very difficult for her to take care of herself. I know I already have paternity leave lined up for after the babies are born, but..."

" _Babies?"_

"Yes, sir. She's having twins," Tim said, chagrined to realize that he'd never mentioned that to anyone at work, not even his team.

" _Go on."_

"Like I said, I already made arrangements for paternity leave _after_ , but with how difficult this pregnancy has been for Delilah, I was hoping that I could take an unpaid leave of absence so that I could take care of my wife. I'd be willing to lump my paternity leave in with the FMLA-allowed leave time."

" _When is your wife due?"_

"Well, about three more months, but we'll be lucky if she gets to seven months with the way things are going."

" _I understand that you and Agent DiNozzo just took a week of personal days."_

"Yes, sir," Tim said, and he decided to nip that in the bud. "Looking back now, I should have seen this as a necessity, but I was trying to do it all. It's just that it's becoming more and more difficult to do that and...well, Tony is the one who pointed out the problem. If you think that my taking more time off would be wrong, I will accept your decision. I've given NCIS a lot of problems in the last few years and I wouldn't want to..."

" _Agent McGee,"_ Vance interrupted, _"you have not given NCIS a lot of problems. Your actions last year were the best that could be expected in a terrible situation. Admiral Jenkins has had nothing but good things to say about you and the way you conducted your investigation. He has said, more than once, that he appreciates all the sacrifices you made. My only concern was the timing, and you have answered that concern already. Given the situation, I think you're right that this is a necessity, not a luxury. When were you hoping to begin?"_

"As soon as possible. Delilah's mother is here right now, but she can't stay forever. However, I know that this is short notice and that there are forms to fill out and..."

" _Agent McGee, please, stop trying to convince me that you're making a bad decision. Give me a few moments."_

Tim gulped. "Yes, sir."

He was on hold for a couple of minutes and then Vance was back.

" _It just so happens that we have an interesting coincidence here. I've been trying to convince Geri Weaver at headquarters to take a team lead position for a few years now and she finally said that she'd be willing to try it, but only on a temporary basis. I've been looking for the perfect situation and this is it. She won't have to move anywhere since it's in D.C. and she could take over your team for the time being. That being said, I couldn't lay that on her without any notice. So you will need to be prepared to come to work through Wednesday, during which time you will get the appropriate forms submitted to HR. I will let them know that this is being done with my approval."_

"Thank you, sir," Tim said, shocked that it had worked out so well. "I can't tell you how relieved I am."

" _And Agent McGee, you have not taken too much time off. In fact, if it hadn't been for the extended leave time you had right after that case and how slowly you got back to work, I would have tried to convince you to make it easier on yourself. If you're feeling that weight, it's best to ease off for a while."_

"Thank you," Tim said again.

" _I'll expect to see you at your desk tomorrow, Agent McGee. I'll bring Agent Weaver over, although I believe you know her already?"_

"Yes. She's on Agent Lovitz' team."

" _Exactly. All right, Agent McGee. Tomorrow, then."_

"Yes, Director. Good-bye."

" _Good-bye."_

Tim hung up and sat back. Part of him felt guilty for doing this, but he also felt as though the weight on his shoulders had suddenly lightened, just a little bit.

He sat there on the couch for a few minutes and then got up to tell Delilah.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony had the presents for all three of the Palmer family, and while he didn't spend as much time with them as he did with Tim and Delilah, he still enjoyed these visits.

The door opened and Breena hugged him almost before he could say anything.

"Tony! It's been ages since you stopped by. Come in. Jimmy, it's Tony!"

The first person who came running in, though, was not Jimmy. It was Victoria.

"Tony! Did you bring me a present?" she asked, grinning.

"Victoria!" Breena said.

Tony just laughed. "Actually, I did. I just got back from a trip and I have presents for all of you."

"Well, then, you'd better come and sit down and tell us about it. Jimmy!" she called again. "Victoria, go get your daddy. He probably fell asleep."

"Valid Sunday activity," Tony said.

They went into the living room and sat down.

"So what was the trip?" Breena asked.

"Tim and I took a road trip, drove Route 66 all the way to L.A."

"Wow. That's a long way."

"Two thousand miles," Jimmy said from behind them. "At least, that's what the song says, right?"

"Right and it's pretty much correct," Tony said.

"So you bought us some tacky souvenirs?"

"I'd never buy you something tacky," Tony said.

First, he pulled out the stuffed condor.

"Here, Victoria. This is for you."

"Tony," Breena groaned, but she was smiling.

"What is it?" Victoria asked.

"It's a bird," Tony said. "It's called a condor."

"It's weird."

"Do you like it?"

Victoria looked at it carefully, feeling the plush fur and examining the light pink head, the hooked beak, and the gray talons. Then, she hugged it.

"It's great! Thanks, Tony!"

"Now, you can go introduce it to your other stuffed animals," Breena said.

Victoria looked thrilled at the suggestion and she ran off.

"A condor? Really, Tony?" Jimmy asked.

"They're endangered."

"They're one step up from vultures."

"But that one is so cute!"

"I knew it. NCIS is going to warp my daughter's mind. Dad cuts up bodies. Mom embalms them. What more could she ask for?" Jimmy said and then laughed.

"Well, here are your presents," he said, handing them both t-shirts.

"Thanks."

"Oh, and just so you know, Tim bought you something, too. So he'll have to talk to you long enough to give it to you."

Jimmy sighed.

"Is it us or is it him? Really, Tony. I've tried."

"It's him. He thinks he's making it easier for you by staying away."

"I was afraid of that. It's just so ridiculous. I saw what happened. Tony, I was the first M.E. on the scene. I know what he had to go through, even secondhand. I'm the last person who would blame him for losing it. I was glad to go home and hug Breena after that day."

"But we weren't sure if there was something else going on," Breena added. "So do you think we could just drop by and visit?"

"I think you probably could. I know Tim was going to be trying to get a leave of absence until after Delilah is due."

"Is it going that badly?" Breena asked. "I was trying to talk to Delilah before, but when Tim stopped wanting to hang out, we figured that we'd better back off until we knew what was going on." She looked at Jimmy. "Actually, that would be a good excuse to go over there. I need to get her a baby gift."

Tony smiled and decided to tell one more person (well, two more) about the twins. Again, someone he could trust not to spread it around.

"If you're going to do that, you'd better buy two."

"Two? Really?" Breena asked, looking both delighted and concerned. "No wonder he needs to take the time off."

"Yeah. Delilah is already on leave."

"Wow." Then, Jimmy smiled. "What a coincidence."

Tony's brow furrowed. "Don't tell me that you're having twins, too."

"No, we're not. Not exactly."

"Meaning?"

Breena and Jimmy smiled at each other, a lot the same as Tim and Delilah had when they had told Tony about the twins.

"Meaning that Breena is expecting, but only one. But...we're adopting," Jimmy said.

"You are? I thought you'd given up on that."

"No. We just needed to decide what we wanted," Breena said. "And we're going to be adopting a little boy. He's just a year old. No family in the picture. He's been in foster care. We decided to adopt before we found out I was pregnant. So we're going from one to three, too."

"Perfect timing. You'll have that much more in common with them," Tony said.

"Yeah, if we can get them to let us in the door."

"Delilah will," Tony said. "She's been pushing Tim to get out more anyway."

"Good to know," Jimmy said. "Well, I'm glad you stopped by for more than one reason. We don't get to see you often enough now that you're at Norfolk. More often than Bahrain."

"Yeah, I didn't get one visitor from the States while I was over there. What gives?" Tony asked.

"Too hot," Jimmy said, without hesitation. "But maybe we can go down to Norfolk and visit you sometime. We can pretend it's a vacation since we're not going to be affording a real vacation with three kids under the age of five."

"Yeah, you should have planned better," Tony said. "Spaced them out a bit more."

"Best-laid plans," Jimmy said.

Tony stayed for another half an hour, catching up on things with them and telling them about the trip and what else he'd been doing. He didn't mention Jo this time, promising himself that they'd be the first to know if things got serious.

"Well, I've got to get going. I have to get back to Norfolk today."

"Okay, we'll see you later," Breena said. "And if we ever get organized enough to take a trip to Norfolk, we'll let you know."

"You'd better."

"Victoria, come and say good-bye to Tony!" Breena called.

Victoria came running into the room and kissed Tony on the cheek before running back to continue integrating the condor into her mass of stuffed animals.

Then, Tony left the Palmer residence.

Only one stop left to make. The hardest one of all.

At least, he had a few hours to think about it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

It wasn't in Norfolk, but it was on his way to Norfolk which was always a plus. It was just a small fishing pier. No amenities. No charge for use. And very few people. In fact, Tony had wondered before if this was actually a private pier and Gibbs just knew the people who owned it. ...or not.

Regardless, if Gibbs was fishing, this was almost always where he was. Again, Tony didn't know why here, in particular. There were good fishing spots much closer to D.C., but then, he didn't really have many calls on his time anymore, something that did make Tony sad even as he knew Gibbs had brought it on himself.

He saw Gibbs' car and smiled to himself as he parked and got out. There at the end of the pier was Gibbs. Sitting and fishing in solitude. Again, a sight that did make Tony a little sad.

He walked to the end of the pier and sat down beside Gibbs.

There was no acknowledgment of his presence, but Tony hadn't let that stop him before. He wasn't going to let it stop him now that he had something to say, but he let the silence hang for a few minutes, just to see how determined Gibbs was to say nothing.

Very. Not a word.

"Hey, Gibbs. Catch anything?" Tony asked.

"Some."

"Enough to eat?"

A slight smile. "Nope."

Tony smiled, too.

"Why do you come all the way down here to fish?"

"No one is around to bother me," Gibbs said, significantly.

"I guess so, but since you always come to the same place, you're pretty easy to find."

No response, but Tony waited. Even if Gibbs liked to leave it to others to say what they had to say, he still was able to be curious on occasion.

"What are you here for, DiNozzo?"

"Got a question for you, Boss. Maybe a few questions, depending on what you have to say."

"What?" Gibbs asked. He hadn't yet looked away from the water.

"Are you ever going to try and fix things between you and Tim?"

Gibbs actually laughed a little, but he didn't say anything.

"Come on, Gibbs. You know that you majorly screwed up and I'm not talking about Allison Jenkins."

There. That got Gibbs' attention. He glanced over at Tony and gave his trademark eyebrow raise.

"We'll never know if Tim's approach was better or worse than yours. She might have been dead regardless. We can't know that, but you shouldn't have countermanded his orders."

"I'm aware of that, DiNozzo," Gibbs said. He looked back at the water.

"But that's not the worst part."

Again, Gibbs was drawn to look at him. Again, the eyebrow raise.

"Honestly, Boss, for as smart as you are, as good as you are at reading people, you sure are clueless here. I can't tell if it's on purpose or not."

"Enlighten me," Gibbs said, sounding a little annoyed.

"You left Tim to feel that his reaction was wrong, that how upset he was meant nothing to you, that the fact that he was falling apart was what he deserved."

Now, Gibbs actually looked surprised.

"Can you really not see it, Gibbs? The reason Tim can't forgive you is because you abandoned him when he couldn't even see beyond what happened right in front of him. You left him there. He describes it as an echo chamber and all he could hear was Allison Jenkins begging for her life, and you did absolutely nothing to help him out of there. He probably couldn't have got out even with your help, but at least he would have had the man he respects more than anyone in the world showing him that it wasn't his fault."

Gibbs didn't turn back to the water, but he didn't respond, either. So Tony kept going.

I know that you're big on letting people work through things on their own, but that was the wrong thing to do. Tim should never have been left to face that alone. There was no _reason_ for you to leave him like that. And you should have known Tim well enough to know what that would have done to him."

"Maybe I did," Gibbs said.

"Then, why not help him?"

"He didn't want my help."

Tony knew that Gibbs didn't like explaining how he felt or how he thought to anyone. Ducky could sometimes get it out of him, but few others could. However, this was ridiculous and if anything was going to change, Tony knew he'd have to do something to jar Gibbs out of his default muteness.

So he thwacked him upside the head.

Gibbs was so surprised that he almost dropped his pole. There was a definite glare on his face, but Tony didn't care.

"Wake up, Gibbs!" Tony said. "That is the dumbest thing I think I've ever heard you say. You _know_ that's not true. You might have had other reasons for not helping him, but that's not it." Tony sighed. "Don't you care that you lost the respect of someone who worked for you for ten years? You're the one who brought him on the team. You're the one who he trusted for a long time. Don't you care about _any_ of that? Don't you care that Tim is viewing how you treated him as what he deserved, that one of the reasons he refused to get help afterward was because in his mind, the way he was thinking, he believed that the way he was treated first was what he deserved later?"

Tony knew he was being a little mean here, but he hated that Tim was paying the price, both for Gibbs' decision to countermand his orders and for his callousness afterward. Even if, as Tony suspected, a large part of the reason for Gibbs' reticence was his own shock and guilt at what had happened, there was no reason to leave Tim to suffer for it.

"Please, Gibbs, you don't need to leave this the way it is. Tim believes that you'd never admit to doing things wrong, that he's never been as important to you as the rest of us. He might never be able to forgive you completely, but it could be better. I pushed you guys to talk before I should have but I was still right that you need to."

"It's been a year, Tony," Gibbs said.

"That just means that it's even more important," Tony said, relieved that Gibbs had said _something_.

"McGee said it himself. He doesn't care."

"When he was still dealing with it. He's not like that now. He's not perfect, but he's better, and it would be better for both of you if you'd just be willing to do something about it. He'd probably claim he doesn't care, but he does. Gibbs, he respected you for too many years not to care. And if you care, you should do something about it whether he cares or not."

Finally, Gibbs put down the pole and turned toward Tony completely. In that Gibbs way, he looked Tony straight in the eye.

"I don't know what to do," he said.

That was it. Tony wasn't surprised at how brief the sentence was, but he was shocked at the content of that sentence. Gibbs never admitted that he didn't know what to do. Even if it was obvious that he didn't have a clue, he still would never admit it.

"I don't, either," Tony admitted. "But I do know that nothing will change if you don't do something. Even if it's just to tell Tim that you don't know what to do...that's _something_. Most of the time, I haven't known what I'm doing. I just _try_ something and usually it turns out okay. I've called Ducky a few times to ask for help. I'm _doing_ things, Gibbs. I'm not just sitting back and doing nothing. I didn't think that was how you were. You've always been more about doing things."

"McGee was right," Gibbs said. "I don't understand him. Never have."

"But you can understand how it feels to lose someone in a case," Tony said. "No matter how different Tim is, you've got to know that he'll have the same emotions as anyone else would."

Gibbs sighed. "I didn't know what to do. That day. Everything went wrong so fast. I thought I knew better, wasn't willing to rely on McGee to make the right decision. And after... didn't know what to say when we realized that she'd been killed, that McGee had been right there to see it."

Gibbs looked up at the sky and took a deep breath.

"Made me remember the last case McGee worked with us before I got him on the team. A woman who'd been kidnapped."

Tony nodded. He remembered Watson and his willingness to put his wife and daughter in danger for money.

"He was watching on the TV, and he was afraid that she was going to be killed, and I thought... of all the people I'd worked with, he's the one who should never have to see something like that. And then, he did, because of my choice. Didn't know what to say."

And so he had fallen back on his usual reaction which was an outwardly calm acceptance of the world as it was, as if he could fix things by refusing to show anything other than calm.

"You can still try, Boss. Wouldn't it be better to try and know that you tried, even if it didn't work?"

Gibbs turned back to the water.

"Heard he's having another kid."

"Yeah. Delilah is due soon."

"I'm glad."

"You could tell him that yourself."

No acknowledgment of the suggestion and Tony decided to lay it all out.

"Tim is afraid to go to headquarters because he thinks people blame him for your retirement. He's avoiding his friends because he's afraid that he'll hurt them next. He's afraid to see Abby because he's positive that she'll attack him because he's still working and you're not. He almost didn't ask for time off to help Delilah because he feels that he is to blame for a lot of what went wrong last year. He won't admit it, but he feels a little bit guilty that you're gone. You could help with some of that...and maybe that would help you, too."

Gibbs raised his eyebrow again.

"What makes you think I need help?"

"Because you were part of that case, too. Even if it wasn't as bad for you as it was for Tim, you would have been affected. We both know it."

Silence once more, and Tony decided that he'd done what he could. He'd said what he had to say to Gibbs, hoping that Gibbs would open up to the possibility. Would anything come of it? He didn't know.

"Well, I need to get back to Norfolk. You know where I am...and you know where Tim is."

Then, he got up and started to leave the pier.

He was just about on dry land.

"DiNozzo."

Tony turned around. Gibbs hadn't. Ostensibly, he was back to fishing.

"You think it would make a difference?"

"Yes,"

"Okay."

That was it, but Tony felt slightly heartened by the question. If Gibbs had gone that far, maybe he'd go farther.

He could only hope.

But for now, he could get back to Norfolk.

...and spend the evening with Jo.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was sitting quietly in the living room. It was late in the evening, and he should be tired, but he wasn't. His mind was running restlessly through everything he needed to do, everything he had to get done.

Going to bed now simply meant that the next day would come all that much sooner.

There was a beep on his phone. He pulled it out and looked at it. He had a message.

From Delilah.

He smiled.

 _Come to bed, Tim._

Tim leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Yes, he had signed on for this challenging life he had, but he still wished that it could be easier to live it sometimes.

Then, he took a breath and got up. He went back to the bedroom, got ready for the night and then climbed into bed beside Delilah.

"So you like Esther and Evelyn?" he whispered.

"I do. What made you think of them?"

"I don't know. It just popped into my head and they seemed good."

"Unless we have a change of heart after we see them, that will be their names."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. Now, you need to go to sleep. I can feel it when your heart is beating too fast. You're my furnace and my white noise generator. I don't sleep as well without you."

Tim laughed.

"I'll do my best."

"Good."

Tim wrapped his arms around Delilah and lay there, glad for the life he had, hoping that it would still get a little easier.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Tim suddenly being home all day was something they all had to get used to. Tommy loved it. It was like having a playmate 24/7, but for Tim, even though it was what he wanted, it was an adjustment to not be working all day and coming home in the evening. It was as much an adjustment for him as it was for Delilah.

There were definite pluses, however.

"Okay, Tim," Delilah said after Tim had been home for a week. "I am in desperate need of a shower. I don't care if I go into labor; I need to get clean."

Tim smiled.

"I think I can help you with that. I'll just make sure that our son doesn't destroy the rest of the house while we're in the bathroom."

"If you help me get in there and under the water, I'll call you back when I need help after."

"Okay."

Tim walked back into the main room where Tommy was happily building towers and knocking them down.

"Tommy, I need to help your mom for a few minutes. I'll be right back out, okay?"

"Okay. Daddy, build towers!"

"I will. You build me a really big one while I'm back there."

"Okay!"

Tommy eagerly started assembling his blocks. Tim watched him for a few seconds, making sure he was absorbed in his task, and then went back into the bedroom.

"I think I've got him occupied for maybe five minutes," he said.

"That's enough time to get me in there," Delilah said.

Tim helped Delilah undress and get into her chair and into the shower. Then, once she was under the showerhead, he gave her the hand-held and let her start the process. He hurried out into the main room and saw Tommy standing on his tiptoes, trying to put a block on a tower that was taller than he was.

"Wow, Tommy, that's great!" Tim said.

Tommy was startled. He turned and stumbled against his tower, causing the whole thing to topple to the floor, with Tommy on top.

"I fall down!" Tommy said, unsure if he was hurt or not.

Tim hurried over and helped him stand up. There were no injuries.

"I'm sorry I scared you. Let's build it again, okay?"

"Yea!"

Instantly, Tommy started the process again. Tim helped and the tower got taller and taller. Tim was surprised they had enough blocks to go as high as they were, but the box of blocks seemed to be endless. No wonder the house was always a mess. Tommy had way too many toys.

"Tim! I'm ready!"

"Okay, Tommy. I have to go help your mom again. Stay here."

"More blocks, Daddy!"

"Not yet. Just wait."

"More blocks!"

Tim laughed a little.

"Tommy, you need to wait. Okay? I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Tim went back to the bedroom, got Delilah's clothes and headed into the bathroom. He started helped her dry off when there was a knock at the door.

"Daddy! Door!"

Tim sighed inwardly.

"Okay, Tommy!" he called back. "You okay to wait?"

"Yes, but I'm not expecting anyone. Are you?"

"No, but I wasn't expecting Ducky to show up on Sunday, either."

"Neither was I, but it was good, wasn't it?" Delilah said.

"Yeah," Tim said, reluctantly.

Ducky hadn't stayed long, but he had come and chatted, not even mentioning the fact that Tim had been avoiding him for months. His focus had ostensibly been just on Delilah's pregnancy.

There was another knock.

"Daddy! Door!"

"Okay, Tommy!" Tim said again. "I'd better get the door before Tommy goes and lets a stranger into the house."

"Don't take too long. I don't want to be sitting here naked forever," Delilah said.

Tim draped a robe over her to keep her warm and then hurried to the front door.

"Daddy, door!" Tommy said for a third time.

"I know, Tommy," Tim said.

He opened the door and almost slammed it shut again. It took a massive effort to overcome that instinct.

Gibbs was standing there on his doorstep. It had been more than a year since he'd seen him, and now, there he was, standing on the doorstep.

"Hi, McGee."

Tim stood there for a moment, unable to think of anything to say. Then, Tommy came running up behind him.

"Daddy, door."

Then, Tommy suddenly realized that there was someone there he didn't know and he got shy. Tim felt Tommy cower behind his legs. He turned around and picked him up, not wanting his son to know how he felt.

"Tommy, can you say hi to Mr. Gibbs?"

Tommy peeked shyly at Gibbs.

"Hi," he said softly and then hid his face again.

"Hi, Tommy," Gibbs said. "Can I come in?"

Tim hesitated and then nodded and stepped back.

"Yeah. Come in."

Gibbs stepped inside.

"If you have something to say, Gibbs, you're going to have to wait while I take care of my wife."

"I'll wait."

Tim wished that he wouldn't, but he couldn't leave Delilah sitting in the bathroom any longer.

"Tommy, why don't you show Mr. Gibbs your tower?"

Tommy shook his head and clung to him. No big surprise there. Tommy was still in the stage of being afraid of strangers, and Tim didn't feel like pushing it, especially not for Gibbs.

"Okay. You can sit on Mommy and Daddy's bed, but you can't come into the bathroom. Okay?"

Tommy nodded.

Tim walked into the bedroom and set Tommy down.

"No getting off the bed, Tommy. Okay?"

Tommy nodded again.

Tim grabbed a couple of stuffed animals that had somehow migrated into the bedroom and handed them to Tommy to play with. Then, he walked into the bathroom and let out a whoosh.

"Who was at the door?" Delilah asked.

"Gibbs."

"What?!" Delilah said, incredulously. "What did _he_ want?"

"I don't know. He's in the living room."

"You let him _in_?"

"Yeah."

Tim took a deep breath and leaned over to help Delilah get dry, dressed and into her chair, but she stopped him.

"Tim, why?"

"He asked to come in."

"And? Tim, after what he did, after all the problems you've had...why?"

"Because I couldn't think of any reason to say no," Tim admitted. "I wanted to slam the door in his face, but I didn't."

He grabbed a towel and started drying Delilah's legs off.

Delilah touched his shoulder.

"Tim..."

Tim stopped and stared at the floor.

"Tim, you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. Gibbs lost any right he might have had to intrude on your life. You don't owe him anything."

"I know, but...I can't not let him say what he has to say."

"From what I remember, Gibbs isn't all that big on speaking."

"If he doesn't say anything, I'll tell him to go," Tim said. "I won't let him stare at me in silence...but could you entertain Tommy while we talk? I don't know if I can..." Tim sighed. "I don't want my son to worry about me again."

Delilah forced him to look up at her.

"Don't you start feeling ashamed again, Tim. Do not let Gibbs drag you down that path again," she said. "I won't accept that. If you end up feeling worse for talking to him, I will find some way to rake him over the coals and don't you think I won't. We've fought too hard to help you to let Gibbs try to destroy you again. Got it?"

Tim kissed her on the cheek and went back to drying her off.

"I got it. I also don't want you to work yourself up. I'm sure Evelyn will get annoyed."

He rubbed her stomach on the right side where they'd decided Evelyn was. That was the twin that tended to be the most active.

"Esther might accept it, but Evelyn will protest," Tim said. "I'm sure Esther takes after me."

Delilah smiled reluctantly.

"If you mean that Evelyn takes after me, I'm sure that's right based on the way they're acting now, but I'm serious, Tim."

"I know. I know."

He finished helping her dress and then lifted her into her chair and wheeled her back into the bedroom. Tommy had abandoned his toys and was jumping on the bed, giggling.

"Tommy, no more jumping. Mommy's getting into bed. You need to be soft, okay?" Tim said.

Tommy stopped jumping and watched solemnly as Tim helped Delilah onto the bed.

"Tommy, go and get one of your books and I'll read to you," Delilah said. "You can sit right by me, but no jumping."

Tommy nodded and climbed off the bed, but then, he grabbed Tim by the hand and dragged him out of the bedroom so that he didn't have to walk by Gibbs alone. Tim went with Tommy into his bedroom.

"What book do you want, Tommy?" he asked.

"Chippy Chipmunk!" Tommy announced and ran over to get the old copy of _Chippy Chipmunk's Vacation_ from the nightstand.

Tim could hear Delilah's groans already. Tommy had become obsessed with the story, just like Tim had been as a child and Delilah was heartily sick of reading it. But it was a chapter book and that meant she could read to him for a while, so Tim didn't fight it this time.

"Okay. Take it in to your mom, and remember to be soft."

"Babies hear the story?"

"Maybe," Tim said, smiling. "If you're quiet and don't jostle your mom too much, they might listen."

Tommy looked delighted at the idea and Tim shooed him into the bedroom where he heard Delilah's less-than-enthusiastic realization of the book Tommy had brought her.

Finally, he could put it off no longer. He turned around and faced Gibbs who had simply been standing there, watching all the comings and goings.

"What do you want?" Tim asked.

"To talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because we need to."

Tim took a breath and walked over to the bedroom door.

"We're going to talk in the yard," he said.

Delilah looked up and nodded, but she didn't say anything else, sharing Tim's desire to protect Tommy from this part of his father's life.

Then, Tim walked past Gibbs, out to the backyard. Yes, that meant that their neighbors might hear something, but Tim would rather have them gossiping than affect Tommy if Tim suddenly felt the same anger he had before and starting shouting.

Gibbs followed him, and the moment the back door was closed, Tim turned around and confronted him.

"What do you want to talk about?" he demanded. "I have no patience for whatever brought you here, Gibbs. So I'm not going to accept any lingering silences. This is not your home. This is my home. You're the invader. If you want something to happen, you'd better do it quick because, otherwise, I'm going to tell you to leave."

Gibbs nodded.

"I'm sorry," Gibbs said.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"You already apologized and it was too little, too late back then. I definitely don't care, now," Tim said, although he was a little surprised that Gibbs' first words were an apology.

"I'm not apologizing for that. I already did."

"I thought apologies were a sign of weakness," Tim said.

"They are," Gibbs said.

Tim found he didn't know how to respond to that, so he just raised an eyebrow silently.

"I didn't do any of the things I could have done that day. Anything I _should_ have done that day. I did everything wrong."

"And why?"

"Because I did to you the one thing I _knew_ you should never experience."

"What? Utter betrayal?" Tim asked, angrily.

"No. I put you in a position where you had to watch an innocent person die."

"I'm not following, Gibbs. You're saying other people should?"

"No," Gibbs said, not really showing anything, his voice quiet and controlled. "I've known from the first day you were on my team that you wouldn't be able to handle seeing someone die."

"I've seen plenty of dead people, Gibbs," Tim said. "I may not be the amazing agent you were, but I've been on a lot of cases."

"Not the same thing," Gibbs said. "Seeing someone dead and seeing someone get killed aren't the same, especially when it's on your watch. All your worst experiences were when someone was killed and you felt it was your responsibility. I could see it, and I caused it that day. You said it yourself. I'm the one who put you in that room."

"We don't need to talk about that again, Gibbs," Tim said. "I'm very familiar with what happened that day."

"And with what I didn't give you."

"Which was everything," Tim said, feeling more angry than anything else for the moment. "You didn't give me trust. You didn't give me respect. You didn't give me support. You didn't give me anything, Gibbs. You gave me _less_ than nothing, and you think an apology is going to fix that now?"

"No, I don't," Gibbs said. "Nothing can fix it. Just like I said before. Nothing will bring her back to life. Nothing will keep you from seeing her killed. Nothing will change that I countermanded you simply because I'd been your boss and couldn't see you as someone in charge. Nothing will fix those things, but I still need to say it."

"You don't," Tim said. "You don't need to say it because, forgive me for being skeptical, but I have my doubts that you came up with this on your own. Was it Ducky or Tony who roped you into coming here? I want to know who I can be mad at. I was fine with you out of my life, Gibbs."

"I'm sure that's true, but I did need to say it. I just wasn't willing to."

"So who forced you?"

"No one," Gibbs said. "When you came out of the house, when I realized what I'd done, I didn't know what to say to you. I realized that I was responsible, both for her death and for you seeing it happen."

Tim turned away from Gibbs. He did _not_ need to be pushed back into that moment. He still lived there far too much as it was.

"What would have helped?" Gibbs asked.

Tim felt the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach and the roaring in his ears as he thought back.

" _Please, don't let him kill me!"_

"Don't do this to me, Gibbs," Tim whispered.

" _Please, don't let him kill me!"_

"What could I have done?" Gibbs asked.

" _Please, don't let–"_

Tim closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally as the memory flooded over him. That horrifying moment when the trigger had been pulled and an innocent, terrified woman had lost her life, her desperate cries for help cut off by the roar of a gun, a bullet tearing through her brain.

Then, suddenly, there were hands on his shoulders and he was being shaken a little bit. He managed to force his eyes open and he was staring at Gibbs, and what he was seeing was the same pain he still felt. He saw it in Gibbs' eyes.

"Could I have stopped _this_?" Gibbs asked.

Tim pulled away and backed up a few steps.

"No," Tim said, a little annoyed that his voice was shaking. "No, there's nothing you could have done to stop that, not once it happened. But you could have...done _something_ , Gibbs."

He felt the too-ready tears. He was always close to crying after a flashback. He hated it, but it was the way he almost always reacted. He did _not_ want to cry in front of Gibbs, though.

"You could have let me know that...I hadn't failed, that the way I felt wasn't justified. You could have broke through that... and you didn't. You can't go back now and change what you didn't do," Tim said. "You can't save me that way, Gibbs. And I'm honest enough to admit that you couldn't have stopped my spiral, but you could have stopped me from thinking that I deserved what I didn't get."

"I know. I didn't know how to help you," Gibbs said. "I wish I had done something."

Tim took deep breath and tried to control himself again.

"I wish you had, too, but you didn't."

"I know," Gibbs said softly. "I'm sorry."

Tim shook his head. "I've never mattered to you, Gibbs. Not like Tony or Abby or Ziva. I'm just not important to you that way. If it had been anyone else..."

"No," Gibbs said, quickly, showing emotion for the first time. "No, Tim. That's not it. I wouldn't have known what to say to anyone. But the others would have demanded it. You never did. You never came to me for help. You never forced me to do the right thing. You just accepted it, and I accepted the easy out. I was wrong, but it wasn't because you don't matter. It's because I'm a coward."

Tim laughed humorlessly. Even on his worst days, _coward_ was not a word he used to describe Gibbs.

"Please, Gibbs. Don't start acting like you have to tear yourself down to make me feel better. It won't work. It doesn't change anything and you're not a coward. No one would describe you that way, not even me."

"No, I am. I'm not afraid getting shot. I'm..."

Gibbs stopped, seeming unsure and awkward for the first time, not only in this conversation, but in the entire time Tim had known him.

"What?" Tim asked.

"I'm afraid of losing people. I'm afraid of the pain of losing people. You can't feel the pain if there's no one to lose. People have to force me to care because I'm a coward, afraid of loss. You never forced me to care and I let it be that way. I should have done something that day, but that would have required overcoming that fear and I didn't do it."

"I can't forgive you for that, Gibbs," Tim said after a few seconds of silence. "No matter the reason, you still abandoned me at the worst possible moment and I can't let that go."

"I don't blame you."

"Is there anything else?"

"No."

"Okay. Then, I need to get back to my family."

Gibbs nodded and Tim led him through the house. At the front door, Tim suddenly felt compelled to say something.

"If you're alone now, Gibbs, it's your fault. There are people willing to be in your life whether you want them there or not. The fact that you're still alone means that you didn't even learn anything from that day. So I went through that and you still didn't change. For your sake, I hope you figure out how to because even though I can't forgive you, I think the idea that you're intentionally keeping yourself alone is much worse than where I am, as hard as my life is. Tony could be alone, but he isn't and I consider him part of my family, even if we're not related by blood. He isn't alone because he made the effort and so did I. You don't _have_ to be alone."

Gibbs nodded once more and then walked down the sidewalk.

Tim closed the door and then leaned against it, closing his eyes and letting a couple of tears loose. Then, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

" _DiNozzo."_

"Was this your idea?" Tim asked, annoyed that his voice was still shaky.

" _Tim?"_

"Yes. Gibbs just left. Was it you?"

" _Yeah, it was. You guys needed to talk, but I didn't tell him what to say or what to do since I don't know what the answer is."_

"I didn't need Gibbs back in my life, Tony."

" _No, you didn't. But you needed to talk to Gibbs to move on with your life. You'll see. I'm right. How's Delilah?"_

Tim wanted to be angry, but he couldn't, and so he let the conversation end for the time being.

"Ready for it to be over. It probably won't be too much longer."

" _Remember, Tim. Call if you need me. I'll be there."_

"Thanks. Bye."

Tim hung up and walked into the bedroom. Delilah saw him and smiled with relief, although she looked concerned.

"Okay, Tommy. Time for bed," Tim said, keeping his voice as normal as he could.

Tommy whined and groaned, but Tim picked him up off the bed and carted him off to his bathroom, helped him brush his teeth and put on his pajamas and then got him into bed.

"Daddy, are you sad?" he asked.

"No, Tommy, but I could use a great big hug right now."

Tommy willingly flung his arms around Tim's neck and hugged him as tightly as he could. Then, he gave Tim a slobbery kiss on the cheek.

"I love you, Daddy."

"And I love you, Tommy. Now, it's time to sleep."

Tommy lay down with his stuffed animals and a couple of books. Tim turned on the baby monitor and the night light. Then, he went back into the bedroom, put on his own pajamas and lay down beside Delilah.

"Are you okay, Tim?"

"Yes, but could you not ask for details tonight?"

"I can wait."

"Good." Tim kissed her and then felt the anguish of the memories Gibbs had stirred up. He hugged her. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, Tim. And I need you to be here."

"I'm not leaving," Tim said. "Not in any sense of the word. I can't."

Then, he let Delilah hold him, giving him strength that he'd momentarily lost.

After a few minutes, they were both able to go to sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

 _One week later..._

Tony heard his phone buzz and he groaned, but it didn't ring which was weird. He was tempted to ignore it.

"Tony, what time is it?" Jo mumbled beside him.

"Don't know," Tony mumbled back. He rolled over and picked up his phone and groaned again.

Two thirty a.m.

Then, he realized that he'd got a text message.

From Tim.

He sat up, now very awake, and opened it. It was very short. Only one word, in fact.

 _Come?_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Tony, what's going on?" Jo asked as Tony started getting his clothes on.

"I've got to get to D.C. Tim asked me to come."

"At two thirty in the morning?"

"Yeah. That means that Delilah must be having the babies and I know Tim was really stressed about it. I told him to call me if he needed me and if he's calling now, he needs me to be there."

"Tony, are you sure?" Jo asked, sounding concerned. "I know you and Tim are close, but..."

Tony stopped and sat down on the bed.

"Jo, Tim is my family. He's had a lot of rough patches in the last couple of years, but he's getting better. He just doesn't have a lot of people he's comfortable asking for help, and I offered."

"I just don't want you doing something out of some misplaced..."

"I'm not. I'm doing it because I care. He'd do the exact same thing for me," Tony said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. This is important, Jo. This is part of who I am."

Jo looked at him for a few seconds and then she smiled.

"I guess I just can't believe that the big tough guy is so sentimental."

"I've watched my share of chick flicks," Tony said, smiling back.

"How many?"

"One or two. That's my share. You can have the rest."

Jo laughed. Then, she got serious again.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'd better not. I don't know what the situation is so I'm not sure Tim would appreciate a stranger, but if you want, you can come the next time and meet them."

Jo's eyes widened.

"You're asking me to meet the family?"

"In a sense. You okay with that?"

Jo leaned forward and kissed him.

"I'm more than okay with it. I won't even reciprocate yet and make you meet _my_ parents. That's how much I care."

Tony laughed and kissed her back.

"I'd better get on the road. It's a long drive up to D.C."

"Don't fall asleep at the wheel."

"Oh, I'm very awake."

"Well, why don't you call me when you get up there anyway?" Jo asked.

"Okay, but I really am awake."

And it was true. Tony was feeling the adrenaline rush from his worry that something was going wrong. He got in his car and started driving. He tried calling once, but it went straight to voicemail. Luckily, he knew which hospital Tim and Delilah would be at.

He drove as fast as he could, shaving quite a few minutes off the usual drive time and parked at the hospital. He called Jo as he hurried inside and let her know that he'd arrived safely. He got directions to the waiting room for labor and delivery and went there. Tim wasn't in the room when he arrived, but he sat down to wait.

About twenty minutes later, Tim came into the waiting room, but he didn't even seem to notice Tony sitting there. He walked over to a chair and thumped down on it, holding his head in his hands. Tony prayed that this didn't mean something really awful had happened.

He walked over and sat down by Tim.

"Hey," he said.

Tim jumped and looked up at him.

"Tony...when did you get here?"

"Half an hour ago."

"Oh. Were you in here when I came in?"

Tony smiled. "Yeah. What's up?"

"I'm sorry I called you... I wasn't going to, but..."

"Tim, don't start that."

"I mean, there's nothing that you can do about it. It's not like you're a doctor or anything, but I just..."

Tim didn't even seem to be hearing him. In fact, he seemed a little disconnected.

"Hey! Tim! Listen to what I'm saying."

Tim looked at him and did seem to be paying a bit more attention.

"What's going on? I don't mind being here. I told you I would be. What happened?"

Tim nodded and took a breath. He still was a little out of it.

"Delilah woke me up and...and she was having contractions. I called our doctor, but then, it started getting worse really fast. So I just got her to the hospital as fast as I could, but they said that... that the babies were in distress, whatever that means and... and they couldn't do the planned c-section we were going to do. They had to put Delilah under completely and just get the babies out before it was too late. I couldn't be in there, and...and they're in the NICU now. They're so small, Tony. Delilah is still in recovery, and... they said something about bleeding and... They're so small, about three pounds each, and I can't even touch them yet because they're not stable. I feel so helpless."

"It's going to be fine," Tony said, hoping he wasn't lying. "What did the doctor say?"

"I don't...really remember. I remember going into the NICU. I remember them telling me I had to wait for Delilah to get out of recovery."

"Where's Tommy?"

"I called one of our neighbors. She's babysat for us before and she's supposed to call me if he wakes up before I can go home so that I can talk to him and let him know..." Tim's face crumpled. "...that everything's okay."

Tony hugged Tim as he started to cry, and he wondered where in the world the doctors were who could tell him that everything really was fine.

After a few seconds, though, Tim took a deep breath and rubbed at his face.

"Okay. I need to stop this and... and see what's going on." He let out his exhale in another whoosh of air.

He stood up and started for the door. Then, he stopped right at the door and didn't move. Tony got up and walked over. He put an arm around Tim's shoulders.

"You can do this, Tim. Don't freak out until you know that you need to."

Tim laughed shakily.

"Too late. Already done it."

"No. You're okay. You really are. Go and find someone who can tell you what's going on. Do you want me to go to your house and sit with Tommy?"

Tim shook his head.

"I'll be back."

Then, he went back into the maternity ward. Tony waited.

And waited. He called his team and told them that he'd had an emergency and he'd be back the next day. Then, he waited.

Another 45 minutes, and Tim came back out, still looking shaky but with a kind of fragile calm that said he'd found some stability...for the moment. It could shatter at any second, but he was all right. It was getting close to seven in the morning.

"Delilah's sleeping," he said. "They said that she'd be out of it for a few more hours, and I won't be able to get to the girls for another few hours either, they said. I'm going to go home and be there for Tommy waking up and then I'll come back here." Tim paused and took a breath. "But I don't think I should drive. Could you take me home, Tony? Do you need to get back to Norfolk? I'm really sorry that I dragged you up here."

"No, I'm fine. Stop apologizing."

"It's sign of weakness," Tim said. "It really is."

"No. It's just unnecessary. I'll take you home and I'll be here as long as you need me to be, even if it's just to sit and do nothing. I can handle it."

"Okay."

They left the hospital and Tony drove Tim home. They didn't talk at all. When they pulled up in front of the house, Tim took another deep breath and then got out of the car. He went inside, Tony trailing along behind, ready to do whatever Tim needed. He could see that Tim was going to try and be upbeat for Tommy's sake, but it was going to be a hard-fought battle to get through it.

"Laurie?" he called softly as he walked inside.

A woman in her twenties came out of the kitchen, looking concerned.

"Tim, is everything okay?" she asked.

Tony saw the calm shake for a moment before Tim got a hold of himself. This was one of those times when it was easy to see what Tim had decided was necessary: he couldn't let anyone else know how afraid he was.

"It's okay. They had to do an emergency c-section, but Delilah will be fine. The girls are in the NICU, but we knew they would be from the beginning," he said, making it sound like it was just routine, not something that was tearing him up inside. "Is Tommy awake?"

"I peeked in just a few minutes ago and he was starting to stir, but..."

The door to Tommy's room opened and he came out.

"Daddy! Morning!"

Tim smiled and walked over to Tommy.

"Tommy, do you remember how we told you about Mommy needing to go to the hospital to have your sisters?"

Tommy nodded.

"Well, we had to do that during the night while you were sleeping. Mommy is still in the hospital and she'll have to stay for a few days, but later, you'll get to see her."

"And babies, too?" Tommy asked, eagerly.

Again, that fragile calm nearly shattered.

"Your sisters are really small right now, so they have to stay in the hospital longer. But you'll get to see them, too. It'll just take longer, okay?"

"Okay. Breakfast?"

Tony could see that Tim just wanted to go back to the hospital to make sure everything was all right, but he also didn't want to leave his son...and Tony was his ride.

He managed to smile.

"Okay. Let's have breakfast. Then, I have to go back to the hospital, and you're going to stay with Laurie for a while."

Laurie stepped in.

"And you'll get to play with Ethan and Marla when they get up, but they're really lazy," she said, smiling.

Tommy laughed and clapped his hands excitedly. No awareness of something being wrong, for the moment.

"Tim, I'll make breakfast. You look exhausted."

"You don't have to wait on me, Laurie."

"I won't. I'll just cook for you."

Then, Laurie revealed just how little Tim was fooling her. She stepped forward and spoke in a low voice.

"Tim, it's okay. You need to get back. You're pulled in two directions right now. Let me help you in the only way I can. That's watching Tommy and making breakfast."

The calm almost vanished, but Tim managed to keep hold of it.

"Thanks, Laurie," he said, equally softly.

She hugged him briefly and then went back into the kitchen.

"Daddy, play with me!" Tommy said.

"You need to go potty and get dressed first," Tim said. "Then, we'll play."

Tommy groaned but nodded and ran off to his bedroom.

As soon as he was out of sight, Tim closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. Tony walked over and gave another side hug.

"You're fine, Tim. I'll just be the voice telling you that you're fine."

"Only you're lying," Tim said. "I'm not fine. Not at all."

"You are because you know that, even though things are serious, they're okay. Delilah is going to be fine. Your girls will take a while, but they'll be fine, too. This is going to work out, Tim."

"You might have to deal with a full meltdown, today, Tony. You sure you want to be around for that?"

"Yes, because this is the kind of meltdown I get, and it will only last as long as it takes for the good news to penetrate."

Tommy came running out, only half dressed.

"Play, Daddy!"

"Tommy, you need to put your pants on. You can't just carry them," Tim said.

He walked over and helped Tommy put on his pants, and then, Tommy finally twigged to the fact that Tony was there and he squealed excitedly.

"Tony!"

"Hey, Tommy! How about we get out the blocks and show your dad how tall we can make the tower?"

"Yes! Yes!"

Tommy ran over and dragged out his box of blocks. Tim started to help, but Tony shook his head.

"Nope, Dad. You're going to have to watch us build and see how amazing we are."

"Okay. I think I can do that."

Tony and Tommy proceeded to build a tower that kept getting taller and taller and less and less stable. It got so high that Tony was lifting Tommy up so that he could keep putting more blocks on top.

"How much higher are you going to go?" Tim asked, sounding almost normal.

"All the blocks, Daddy!" Tommy said. "All the blocks."

They did indeed get all the blocks used up and the tower was ready to fall over on its own. Tony knelt beside Tommy.

"What do you think, Tommy?" he asked. "Should we have your dad knock it over?"

"Yes! Daddy, topple the tower!" he said, copying the word Tim himself had used a few times before.

"I don't need to do that, you can."

"No, Daddy. You topple the tower," Tommy said. He ran over and grabbed Tim's hand and pulled him off the couch, over to the tower. "Topple the tower, Daddy!"

Tim smiled and leaned over and then, with one finger, he knocked a single block out of place and the whole thing came toppling down.

"Boom!" Tommy shouted happily. "All fall down!"

"And breakfast is ready," Laurie said from behind them. "Come on and eat, guys."

"Pick up the blocks, first," Tim said.

Tommy groaned again, but Tony started to pick them up and Tommy eventually followed suit. They ate breakfast and Tim took Tommy into his bedroom to make the bed and then, Laurie took Tommy over to her house to play with her kids who were close to his age. Tim said that he'd be sleeping at home that night, but he might not get back until late and he'd keep her informed.

Then, they were alone in the house.

Tony stared at Tim in silence for a few seconds.

"I need to...clean up my bedroom. I don't want it to be a mess all day."

"You could do it later, Tim."

"No. I always make sure the bed is made in the morning. I'm going to do that."

Then, Tim walked back into his bedroom. Tony stayed in the main room, waiting to be called on again. Tim was trying, but Tony could see the coming breakdown. Even if things were starting to calm down, Tim hadn't let himself really react to it yet, and he would. He would have to. He looked ready to explode.

After a few minutes of utter silence, Tony decided to go and check on Tim. He walked into the bedroom and saw Tim sitting on the unmade bed, a pillow in his hands, sobbing. He smiled a little and walked over to sit beside him.

"It's all right to cry, Tim. You don't have to pretend that it's okay if you really don't feel it. I know I'm right, but you don't have to agree with me yet," he said.

Tim didn't say a word. He just cried.

Tony let him. After everything Tim had been through, a few minutes of a meltdown was easy enough to understand and Tony didn't mind being the one there to help Tim through it. So he just sat there and let Tim get all the emotional excess out.

After a few minutes, Tim started trying to stop himself.

"I have to get back to the hospital," he said. "I can't just sit here, crying like an idiot."

"Yeah, you can. A few minutes isn't going to make a difference and you need this," Tony said. "Just let yourself get it out and deal with it. It'll be fine."

"No. I have responsibilities, Tony. I don't have time to..."

"Yeah, you do. One of your responsibilities is to make sure you're ready to deal with everything. You're not yet. So let yourself _be_ ready. You don't have to keep pushing yourself through this. It's a not a sprint. It's a marathon. If you don't pace yourself, all you'll do is fall apart when you can't afford to. Be honest. What are you going to do at the hospital? I mean, I agree that you need to be there, but what you're going to be doing is sitting around, waiting for news. Until they let you in to see the twins, you can't _do_ anything. So let yourself calm down when you're ready and then we'll go."

There was some silence and then Tim took another breath.

"It wasn't like when Tommy was born. That was stressful, but I wasn't afraid that anyone was going to die, and I could be there. This time..." Tim closed his eyes and shook his head. "...they kicked me out."

"Well, you aren't exactly qualified to perform surgery, Tim," Tony said.

Tim smiled. "I know."

Another few minutes and Tim began to genuinely calm down. He was still shaky, but the meltdown was over and he could face what was to come next more easily.

"Okay. Ready to go back?"

"Yeah."

They got up, but Tim insisted on making the bed before they left. Then, they went back to the hospital, and Tim went back while Tony waited.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Tim walked into the NICU, praying that this would be the day.

"Hello, Tim."

"Hi, Opal." He didn't ask. He just stood there, waiting. She knew what he wanted to know.

She smiled.

"Yes, Tim. They've stabilized just like I said they would. You can touch them. You can't hold them yet, but another few days and I think we'll have some time for you to hold them. And once Delilah is ready for it, we'll get her holding them, too."

Tim smiled back, feeling more relief than anything else. He eagerly followed Opal to the incubators holding his daughters. They were so tiny, but they were breathing and eating now, and the heartbeats had regulated.

Tim stood there, staring them.

"You've been waiting for this, Tim. Don't wait any longer."

Tim took a breath and he put his hand into each incubator and gently touched his daughters for the first time. They were labeled.

"Hello, Esther," Tim whispered. "I'm your daddy. Evelyn. I'm your daddy."

Both babies stirred a little bit when he touched them. He pulled his hands back.

"Keep touching them, Tim," Opal said from behind them. "Reaction to stimulus is a good thing. You're not hurting them."

He tentatively touched them again. Again, they stirred.

"Are they okay?" he asked.

"Yes. Their stats are very good for being pre-term. You should be prepared for a few weeks in the NICU, but if they continue the way they are, in a year, you won't even be able to tell that they were pre-term."

Tim stood there for a while, just touching his daughters. He had never realized how much of a difference a few weeks could make...and how much of a difference being twins could make. Tommy had been premature, but only by a few weeks, and he hadn't been sharing the space with anyone. He had been in the NICU for a couple of days and then everything had been normal. This was so different.

"When can I hold them?" he asked.

"Another day or two, probably two," Opal said. "We'll reevaluate and you'll know. Tim, you'll know as soon as you can hold them."

"They're so small."

"But they're thriving, Tim. I know that the way they were born was frightening, but they're doing very well. You just have to give them time...and trust us. We want them to have the best outcome possible."

"I know. Can my son come and see them? He's three."

"We have a special screening process for young children. We don't want to risk infection, but yes, if he passes the screening, he can see them, too."

"Okay."

Tim wanted to tell Delilah that he'd been able to touch the twins, but he also didn't want to stop.

"I need to tell my wife," he said softly.

And then he didn't move.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going?"

Tim smiled.

"Yeah."

Reluctantly, he carefully pulled his hands from the incubators and stood back as Opal began checking all the monitors.

"I'll be back," he said.

"I know you will," Opal said, smiling. "We'll be here."

"Okay."

Finally, Tim left the NICU and headed for Delilah's room. The c-section had been harder on her because of it becoming an emergency surgery and she was having a hard time getting to the point where she could sit up long enough to go to the NICU herself. Plus, she was having all the usual afterbirth effects as well. All in all, she was pretty miserable at the moment and Tim was leery of making things worse in any way.

Still, he walked into the room and sat down beside her as she slept. He took her hand and held it gently.

 _I'll never put her through this again,_ he thought to himself.

Then, Delilah's hand flexed and squeezed his. Her eyes opened.

"Hey, Tim. Did you see them?" she asked as she did every time he came into the room.

Tim smiled. "I touched them today. Opal says that we'll be able to hold them in a couple of days, probably."

Delilah smiled, but there was some pain with the smile.

"I hate not being able to see them," she said.

"You'll make it," Tim said. "I don't want you to push yourself too hard. You'll get to see them. You'll get to hold them. It's going to happen, Delilah. It will."

He brushed his hand across her forehead and then kissed her gently.

"Tommy wants to see you. Are you okay with that?"

Delilah smiled.

"As long as you can keep him from attacking me."

"I will."

"Then, yes. I want to see him. Is Tony still here?"

"No. He had to go back, but he's coming on the weekend, he said."

"I'm glad he was here for you."

"So am I."

Delilah nodded and closed her eyes.

"We never could have guessed it would be like this," she said.

"Even if we could have, we wouldn't really have known what that meant. It's one thing to read about it. It's another to go through it."

She squeezed his hand more tightly.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here, Tim. I couldn't do this on my own."

"I'd never leave you."

"I know."

They sat together in silence and then Tim went to get Tommy. He wouldn't let his son get forgotten in the chaos currently gripping their lives. He needed to be loved, too.

 _We'll get through this._

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

 _Four days later..._

Tony carefully pushed the wheelchair down the hall.

"Why isn't Tim doing this?" he asked.

"He's where I want to go," Delilah said. "I couldn't stand waiting any longer and this was the first time my doctor has allowed me to get out of bed. If you hadn't come in, I would have waited until Tim came to visit, but you had great timing, Tony."

"I guess I did."

They got to the NICU and were passed in. They made sure that their hands were completely clean and then they went over to the incubators where Esther and Evelyn were. ...only they weren't in the incubators.

Tim was sitting on a chair, slightly reclined, holding them under the watchful eye of Opal, the NICU nurse. He was speaking quietly to them and Delilah stopped Tony from going any further. Tony looked down at her and saw the smile on her face. Then, he looked at Tim and suddenly, he realized that Tim was singing. Not the Carpenters this time but something else.

"Summertime, and the living is easy.  
Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high.  
Oh, your daddy's rich and your ma is good-lookin'  
So hush, little babies, don't you cry."

His voice was so soft that it was almost not singing at all, but it was a such a tender scene that Tony could see Delilah was reluctant to interrupt.

Then, Tim looked up from the twins and Tony was rewarded with the goofy smile he had predicted Tim would have on his face when he got to hold his daughters.

"Hey," he said, softly. "My mom used to sing that song to me when I was little. Delilah, do you want to hold them?"

"Just one at a time for me," she said. "Yes."

"Then, it had better be Evelyn first. After all, she's the one taking after you," Tim said.

Delilah laughed softly.

"Okay."

Tony gently rolled her over to Tim. Then, there was a careful dance of getting Evelyn off of Tim and over to Delilah with all the monitors and tubes. Opal was very experienced with the process and she made sure there was no distress to anyone.

Then, Tim and Delilah were sitting side by side, each holding one of the twins. Tony wished he had his camera, but they didn't even allow phones in the NICU. After far too short a time, Opal said they had to go back into the incubators, not wanting to push it too much on their first time out. Both Tim and Delilah were obviously reluctant to let them go, but neither of them protested.

"Now that they're tolerating being out of the incubators, you can come and hold them, and you should as much as you can. It's good for you and it's good for them," Opal said once they were settled in the incubators again.

"Thank you," Tim said.

"I need to get back to bed," Delilah said, looking a little pained. "But I have great timing."

"Perfect timing," Tim said. "I didn't know you were being allowed out of bed. I would have come to get you."

"I know. It's all right. I'm just jealous," Delilah said.

Tim smiled. "Just watch. They're both going to be mommy's girls and they'll never want me once they're aware of who is holding them."

"Oh, don't threaten me with that, Tim," Delilah said. "I know what you mean and I'm not going to be the only one getting up in the night."

Tim's smile widened to a grin.

Tony enjoyed seeing Tim in a more relaxed state. He'd been operating at a high level of stress for a long time and he seemed to be doing better. Tony didn't know what was causing it, but he was relieved.

When they got back to Delilah's room, Tony watched as Tim helped Delilah get back in bed and get settled. She sighed with relief and fell asleep quickly. Tim brushed some hair out of her face and then sat back and took a deep breath.

"Tim, you okay?" Tony asked, keeping his voice low.

Tim turned around to face him and Tony saw the weariness Tim had hidden before.

"Yeah. It's just hard doing all this. Taking care of Tommy, being here for Delilah, checking on the girls, being there as much as I can. I can't imagine working at the same time."

"You couldn't have done it, and I don't think anyone could have. Something would have to fall."

Tim nodded.

"So you seem to be doing okay. Are you just pretending?"

"I might be acting better than I am, but I am okay," Tim said. "The last thing Delilah needs right now is to worry about me."

"Someone has to worry about you."

Suddenly, Tim grinned.

"That's what you're here for," he said.

Tony chuckled.

"Anyone else?"

Tim looked a little uncomfortable and he shrugged.

"Maybe."

"Like?"

"Ducky and Jimmy have been dropping by. I don't think I've had to cook a meal since Delilah went to the hospital. Tommy's been able to play with Victoria and that keeps him from worrying."

"I'm glad," Tony said. "You shouldn't feel bad about that."

"Who says I do?"

"Oh, come on. Don't play that game. I know you too well."

"Yeah, I know. You're way too used to me falling apart."

"No, I'm just your friend."

Tim stood up.

"And I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."

"You've been saying thank you constantly for years. I have an idea," Tony said.

"But I still can't tell you how much I appreciate it. No matter how often I say it won't be enough."

"It _is_ enough," Tony said. "I get it."

Tim shook his head and smiled.

"I don't think you really do, but that's okay. You don't have to." One more deep breath. "I'd better get home to Tommy."

They started to leave and Tony slung his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"You're doing a great job, Tim."

"Thanks, Tony. That means a lot."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

For the next few weeks, Tim got into a kind of exhausting rhythm. For the first couple of weeks, Delilah's mother was there and she helped out with Tommy and with Delilah when she first got out of the hospital, but after that, she had to get back home and Tim was sure he could manage it all. First, he helped Delilah get up, get dressed and settled. Then, he would get Tommy up. They would have breakfast in the bedroom together. Then, Tim would go to the hospital and help change the twins and feed them. He would spend some time holding them. Then, he would go back home, play with Tommy for a while and make sure Delilah didn't need any help. Then, he got lunch. After lunch, they would all pack into the car and go to the hospital to spend some time with the twins as a family. Then, back home again. Tim would make sure Delilah was comfortable and then play with Tommy. Then, he would get dinner, usually supplied by Ducky or Jimmy and Breena. Then, it was back to the hospital one more time to help change and feed the twins and hold them before going back home.

Tim was exhausted every night when he finally could stop for a few minutes after Delilah was in bed and Tommy was asleep. He would take those few minutes to sit alone before falling asleep. Most of the time, he was up with Tommy at least once during the night from nightmares or wetting the bed or getting up for no reason other than he was a three-year-old hardwired to be full of manic energy at all times. Occasionally, Delilah would wake up and need something, too.

Tony would often come on the weekend, but Tim barely had time to think about anything other than making sure everyone in his family was taken care of. Until Delilah recovered from her surgery, Tim was the only one who could do it. He tried to check in at work occasionally, but more often than not, he just couldn't focus on anything but his family. If there was anything good about how full his days were, it was that he had no time to think about anything else. He couldn't think about the past year. He couldn't think about Gibbs. He couldn't think about what people were thinking of him. All he could do was try to keep his head above water until the night came.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Tim?"

The voice penetrated his sleep and he tried not to wake up.

"Daddy, time to go home!"

A hand shaking his arm.

"Tim, you can't stay the night in the NICU."

The voice pierced through his sleep and Tim sat up, suddenly realizing where he was. At the NICU. He had been letting Delilah hold both of the twins and he had just sat down for a few minutes while she was having that bonding time.

"Sorry, what?" he asked.

He looked around blearily and saw Delilah looking at him with concern. The twins were already back in the incubators. Tommy was just wanting to go home, but Opal also looked concerned. He didn't like seeing that expression on people's faces when he was the focus of it. He tried to get his mind in gear and smile nonchalantly.

"Tim, you look so tired," Delilah said.

"Just getting into sleep-deprived dad mode," Tim said, trying to joke and lighten the mood. "I haven't had enough practice since Tommy got old enough to sleep in a bed."

"Go home, Daddy!"

"You're right, Tommy," Tim said. "It's time for dinner, isn't it."

He stood up, determined not to let this turn into another session about how he had to take it easy when that was patently impossible. Delilah's expression said, in no uncertain terms, that she knew exactly what he was doing and she wasn't fooled. Still, she wheeled herself to the NICU exit, Tommy following along.

"Tim, wait for a moment," Opal said from behind him.

Tim stopped reluctantly. Opal had been too nice to them all from the beginning for him to ignore her now.

"What is it?" he asked. "It really is time for dinner."

"I know that. I won't keep you long," she said. "But you're getting stretched pretty thin, aren't you."

"That's the nature of being a parent. What I'm doing isn't all that different from what other people in the NICU are doing, too."

"Yes, it is. No, it's not. But you're showing signs of the strain. You can't help your family if you're pushing yourself beyond your limits."

"I'm not," Tim said, a little irritated.

Opal just raised an eyebrow.

"I'm... at my limits, but I'm not beyond them."

"Are you sure of that, Tim?"

"Yes, and when Delilah can start getting herself into and out of her wheelchair again, it'll be fine."

"So it's not fine right now."

Tim sighed and said nothing.

"Tim, it's not a question of your ability. You need to worry about yourself, too."

"This is _my_ family," Tim said. "I have to care of them. My wife can't do it yet, so that means it's me. It can't be Tommy."

"You could get some extra help. That is acceptable."

Tim shook his head. "No. I'm fine. I told you."

"Yes, but since you're lying and we both know you are because you know how tired you are and I've been a NICU nurse for thirty years and have seen it all, it doesn't matter what you told me."

"I need to get my family home," Tim said. He looked back at the incubators. "Hopefully, all of them soon."

"It will be soon. They're doing very well."

"Good. Good night, Opal."

"Good night, Tim."

Tim turned and left the NICU, meeting up with Delilah, transferring her to her own wheelchair and then out to the car and home for dinner. Delilah said nothing while Tommy was awake, but Tim was dreading her trying to say something because he couldn't say exactly what was putting him over the edge without making it sound like it was her fault. It wasn't her fault. She couldn't help having had emergency surgery. The doctor had said it would take about six weeks for her to fully recover and that they needed to take it slowly enough that she didn't reinjure herself.

But finally, Tommy was in bed.

"Tim, we need to talk."

"Okay."

He sat down on the bed and faced her.

"I'm sorry I can't do all this for myself yet," Delilah said.

"No, don't apologize for what you can't help," Tim said. "That's the way it is right now. It won't be like this forever. It'll be fine."

"Tim, I hate seeing you pulled in so many directions. None of our plans included the twins in the NICU for weeks. None of our plans included me having so much recovery time. What you're doing is everything, and you're doing it for a lot longer than we had planned."

Tim smiled. "Who else is going to do it, right now? Tommy? You're my wife. Tommy is my son. Esther and Evelyn are my daughters. This is my family. It's not a job I'm doing. It's my family and I'll do whatever is necessary to make sure that everyone in my family is doing well."

"What about you? You're a part of the family, too."

"I sure hope so," Tim said, smiling.

Delilah did not smile.

"Tim, you're doing so much right now, and I know you're doing things that need to be done, but you could be getting a little more help with it, if you'd just stop being so stubborn."

"I'm fine," Tim said. "I'm tired, but all parents are tired. That's normal. You don't need to make this into something exceptional."

Delilah reached out and cupped her hand on his cheek.

"You _are_ exceptional, Tim," she said, gently. "You're afraid to be, but you are. And that's okay. I'm not saying this because you're not doing a good job at trying to do everything. I'm saying it because I love you and I worry about you."

For some reason, that got to him and he had to blink to keep the tears from escaping.

"I'm just tired," he whispered, but this time with a different meaning than it had before. "I'm just tired."

Delilah cupped both of her hands on his cheeks and pulled his head to hers.

"I know, Tim. We'll get through this, but we'll do it together. I can't do a lot yet, but I'll try to take a little bit of your load. If you'll let me help you."

Delilah urged him to lay down on the bed and Tim could already feel himself shutting down. He tried to wake back up.

"Do you need..." he began.

"No, Tim. I don't need anything right now. Just go to sleep."

He couldn't even stay awake long enough to protest.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

 _Four weeks later..._

"Are you ready, Jo?" Tony asked.

"Should I feel nervous?"

"Nope. You should feel privileged. We're the first people invited to Tim's place since they brought their babies home."

"Well, _you_ are the first person invited. I'm only invited by default."

Tony grinned. "What an important default."

"Ha ha. Are you sure they don't mind me tagging along?"

"It was Delilah's suggestion. She's been wanting to meet you, but it took longer for her to recover than she had planned and now, they're basically just two sleep-deprived parents who are looking with envy at their happy-go-lucky friend."

"Whatever, Tony. You can play up the blasé thing as much as you want, but after seeing you get up at two thirty in the morning just to drive to D.C. and be moral support, you can't expect me to believe it."

Tony smiled. Jo was definitely starting to get a look at some of his inner workings, and (to his mild surprise) it hadn't scared her off yet. The last couple of months had seen them getting closer and more serious about the relationship although they hadn't yet really talked about it.

This was the first time that Tony was actually introducing her to his friends. They were both a little nervous about it. Jo had gone with black hair this time, but the tips were dyed bright red and she kept tugging at them.

They pulled up at Tim's place.

"Looks like a pretty normal house."

"Only there are no stairs."

"For Delilah."

"Exactly. There are a few adaptations for her wheelchair, but that's why they moved out here, farther from D.C., so that they could have a single-story home with a yard. I hope you're ready for Tommy."

Jo smiled. "Is he ready for me? Little kids can be shy around strangers."

"Not once he has a chance to know who you are."

Tony knocked on the front door and they heard a loud voice.

"Daddy! Door!"

Then, a wail drifted out the window.

"Tommy!" came an exasperated voice. "You woke up Evelyn."

Then, they heard footsteps.

"Are you sure they want us here?" Jo asked, smiling a little.

"Yep," Tony said.

The door opened and Tony wasn't surprised to see Tim with dark circles under his eyes. Whereas, when the twins were in the hospital, Tim had been stretched to the breaking point trying to do everything, now, he was just another sleep-deprived dad, albeit with some extra complications. Esther was still getting oxygen at night and Evelyn didn't like to sleep unless she was being held. But Delilah had recovered to the point that, as long as she took it easy, she could care for herself again and do her share of caring for the twins.

Tim smiled when he saw them.

"I'm sorry for the chaos, but welcome. You must be Jo."

"And you must be Tim," Jo said, shaking his hand.

"That's right, although I can't remember my name some days. Come on in."

They stepped into the house and Tony could see that Tim and Delilah had tried to clean things up, but there were still toys spilling out onto the floor, and there were signs of babies all over the living room.

"I hope you don't step on any toys. We tried to get Tommy to clean them all up, but..."

"Daddy!"

"Tommy, remember that you need to not shout when your sisters are sleeping? They do too little sleeping as it is. Now, this is Jo. She's Tony's friend."

Tommy got quiet and shy when he saw Jo and he reached for Tim to pick him up. Tim obliged.

"Tommy, say hi to Jo," Tim said.

Tommy peeked at her and Jo smiled and waved.

"Your hair is red," Tommy said, shyly.

"Yes, it is," Jo said. "Do you like it?"

Tommy nodded.

"Give him a few minutes. He has to adjust. Come and meet Delilah. ...and the girls. Esther is sleeping, but Evelyn _was_ sleeping and we're hoping that they'll both sleep during dinner, although I'd be shocked if we lucked out like that. I think that babies plan their crying for when it's most inconvenient."

Tony and Jo walked back to what had been the spare bedroom and was now a nursery. They weren't having the twins sleep there yet, but they were trying to adjust to the _idea_ of them sleeping there.

Delilah was sitting in her chair, holding Evelyn who was looking droopy.

"Is she sleeping yet?" Tim asked, in a whisper.

"She's getting there," Delilah said and then looked up. "Hi, Tony. And you must be Jo. I'll have to beg off doing any real conversation for a few more minutes, but, Tim, if you wheeled me into the bedroom, I might be able to get her down soon."

"Okay." Tim set Tommy down and then looked at Tony. "You guys can wait in the kitchen...or the living room. Tommy, remember, no music right now. Later."

Tommy nodded and then edged over to Tony.

"Hey, Tommy, is the table set?" Tony asked.

Tommy nodded.

"Why don't you show us the plates? Did you pick them?"

Tommy nodded and grinned. He grabbed Tony's hand and pulled him out of the room. Tommy enthusiastically showed them the plates on the table until Tim and Delilah came in.

"You guys can have a seat. I just need to dish everything up," Tim said.

"I'll help," Tony said.

"You don't need to."

Delilah looked at Tim and raised an eyebrow. She didn't say a word.

"...but that's fine," Tim said, smiling a little.

"Jo and I will get to know each other when I'm not holding a surly infant."

Tony grinned at Jo and left her at the table.

"What was that, Tim?" he asked as Tim was pulling a pan out of the oven.

"Nothing."

"Yes, it was."

Tim shrugged and smiled again as he got out a serving dish.

"Delilah just told me that I have to let people help me when they offer and I promised I would work on it. When I'm at home, she can keep her eye on me."

"And is it working?"

"I don't know. I'm just glad she doesn't lecture me in front of company."

"She loves you."

"I know. If I didn't, I wouldn't take it." Tim smiled once more and then handed Tony one of the dishes. "Come on."

Tony followed Tim into the dining room and they all sat down, Tommy sitting beside Tim so that he could be helped with keeping most of the food either on his plate or in his mouth, not on the floor.

"Anyway, we're sorry that we couldn't make this a little more formal," Delilah said. "While we have the twins still so small, we don't want anyone to be babysitting and..."

"And we don't mind," Tony said.

"No, not at all," Jo said. "I like seeing people as families. There are way too many who just seem to have kids for the novelty and they're not willing to make the sacrifices it takes to raise them. I have some friends like that from college. They look at their kids as inconveniences, keeping them from a real life and it always bugs me. If people don't want kids, they shouldn't have them."

Then, she blushed a little.

"Sorry. I tend to get passionate about things," she said.

Delilah smiled. "Oh, I don't know _anyone_ like that." And then she looked straight at Tim who grinned.

"I don't, either," he said.

They chatted all through dinner with frequent interruptions by Tommy who found his tongue after a little while and had a hard time getting his food eaten while he was talking. But the twins did stay asleep. After they finished eating, Tim had Tommy help him clean up while Tony and Jo talked to Delilah. Then, Tim got Tommy to bed while Delilah checked on the twins. Finally, they sat down in the living room to talk a little more.

"So how are the twins doing?" Tony asked.

"We're hoping that Esther will be off the oxygen at night in the next few weeks," Tim said. "I like to say that she gets so relaxed that she forgets to breathe. Evelyn is just a lot more highstrung. Right now, we're just letting them sleep and wake as they will. That means a lot of late-night feedings."

"What about when...Tim? ...goes back to work?" Tony asked, knowing that this was a more sensitive topic and the last time he'd talked to Tim about it, they hadn't decided.

"Tim is going back to work," Delilah said. "We talked about it and we decided that I would take at least a year off and he'll keep working, but my job is one that I can do from home to some degree. So after a year, we'll reevaluate and then as I have time, I'll do some consulting work with the NSA and we'll keep on that track until all the kids are in school. Then, we'll think about it some more."

"What decided you?" Jo asked. "Tony told me that you both had really good jobs."

"Partly, it's that my job can't be part time," Tim said. "Delilah's can. Also, I do make more because I'm a team lead."

"And I refused to let him quit," Delilah said with a grin.

Tony knew they were glossing over a lot of the other details, but Jo was still new to them and so it made sense that they wouldn't overwhelm her with family details.

"But I'm going to be off for about another month," Tim said. "I talked to Vance and he agreed that I had enough unexpected issues that I shouldn't be rushing back. But Delilah's almost back to normal now and that makes it a lot easier."

"Tim just wants to get back to work so that he can use that as an excuse for making me get up in the night when the girls cry."

"Can I ask a personal question?" Jo asked.

"Sure," Delilah said.

"I'll admit that I haven't seen very many cribs, but the ones I have seen aren't really set up for someone in a wheelchair. How do you manage it?"

"Believe it or not, there is a company that makes cribs specially for people in wheelchairs. It turned out to be _extremely_ expensive, like about $16,000."

"Wow!" Tony said. "You've got to be kidding. That's insane."

Delilah nodded. "Yeah. There's a real racket for those kinds of accessible things. They know that they _can_ charge that much because no other company does it, but my dad knew someone who was able to make us a crib that was accessible for way less, just the cost of lumber. Now that there are two of them, we have two cribs. There are two doors that latch shut on the sides so I can roll right underneath and reach in. ...and they can't get away from me."

"Wow. That's really cool."

"I'm _really_ happy about it," Tim said.

Delilah laughed. "Tim was terrified that he'd have to be the one getting up in the night all the time."

They talked for another ten minutes or so and then there was a whine from the bedroom.

"Oh, that's Esther. She's decided it's time to eat," Tim said. He got up and left the living room.

"How can you tell?" Tony asked.

"I can't even explain it," Delilah said, "but that's Esther. Evelyn sounds different. More demanding, no matter what the situation is."

Then, another cry.

"That's Evelyn. She doesn't like to be left out," Delilah said, smiling. "I'd better go and help Tim. Don't leave just yet. We'll be back out in a minute."

Tony sat on the couch and waited.

"Will it really be a minute, you think?" Jo asked.

"As in 60 seconds? I doubt it, but it probably won't be too long."

Five minutes later, Tim came out, holding Esther and feeding her a bottle.

"She's still tiny," Tony said.

"She's getting there," Tim said. "Next time you see her, she'll be chubby."

Delilah came out with Evelyn.

They talked for a few more minutes and then Tony could see that it was definitely time to go and let Tim and Delilah take care of the kids, but Tony was also relieved to see Tim really doing okay. He was glad of it.

"Well, we have to get back to Norfolk, and it'll be late, so we'd better get going," Tony said.

"I'd offer to let you stay the night here, but you'd probably be more tired doing that than just driving back home," Delilah said.

"Probably," Tony said. "That's what's great about being an uncle instead of a father."

Tim looked down at Esther and Tony saw him smile tenderly at his daughter.

"I don't know about that," he said, softly.

"That's because you're a dad, Tim. We'll see you later."

"Okay. Thanks for coming. We can't have lots of people here at once while the girls are still so small, but we don't want to be social pariahs," Delilah said.

Tony grinned, knowing that Tim probably wouldn't mind, even if Delilah did.

"Well, we'll come... _almost_ any time you invite us."

"Sounds good," Tim said. "I hope you don't mind if I don't go to the door with you."

"Not a bit. I know the way."

Tony and Jo left.

"So? What did you think?" Tony asked as they walked back to the car.

"Tim is a lot more reserved than Delilah," Jo said.

"Yep. He always has been."

"Ah. But I really liked seeing them be parents."

"Yeah. I love it," Tony said.

"You're so mushy. All that pretty boy stuff you've been throwing at me is totally an act."

Tony grinned. "You're only figuring that out now?"

"You're a good actor."

"Thanks."

Then, Jo stepped closer and put her arm around his waist.

"I think I'll keep you," she said.

"Right back at ya," Tony said.

They got in the car and drove back to Norfolk.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Tim sat at the table, staring at a photo. It was just one of many, but he was very conflicted about it. Now that the twins were six months old (and Esther was off the oxygen), they looked like regular babies, a little small still perhaps but still just normal. They were starting to crawl and they were darling if Tim said so himself. So he and Delilah had decided to get some pictures taken and send them around to friends and family who weren't nearby so that everyone could know that Esther and Evelyn were doing well now. They also had decided to get a full family photo, in part so that Tommy didn't feel left out, even if it would be outdated in less than a year.

It was Sunday afternoon. Everyone was napping, except him. He'd napped for a little while, but then, with this thought tumbling around in his head, he'd awakened very quickly.

Over the last few months, he'd done a lot of thinking, and reluctantly, he'd taken more time to talk about it with Dr. Bourning. He'd even taken time to talk to Ducky about it. The one person he _hadn't_ spoken to was Tony, mostly because he knew that Tony had a vested interest in it. Tim had no doubt that Tony would try to be supportive and would try not to put his own feelings into it, but Tim knew they were there. He'd always known it, and while it didn't bother him at this point, he still knew that they existed and he didn't want to make Tony feel conflicted.

It wasn't the picture itself that was causing him conflict. It was the name he'd written on it. And he'd written that name about an hour ago and then proceeded to stare at it, trying to decide if he really wanted to do this.

 _Gibbs_

Delilah hadn't liked the idea at all, but in the end, she'd said it was up to him as long as he didn't start inviting Gibbs over. Tim had no interest in doing that at this point, either, but he couldn't forget what Gibbs had said to him just before the twins had been born, that he was afraid of losing people. The day the twins had been born, when Delilah had gone into labor and things had gone so differently from how they'd thought they would, when Tim had, for a little while, been terrified that he was going to lose his wife, his daughters or any combination of the three. Tim could understand the fear of that pain. He had been terrified of being left with that, but at the same time, he'd still had Tommy and knowing that he had to get through it for Tommy's sake had helped him...and so had Tony's supportive presence. Tim had needed someone to be there for him, and Tony had stepped up, as he had so many times in the last few years.

 _I've never been alone except when I've tried to make myself alone._

That was the thing about Gibbs. He kept insisting on making himself alone.

And then, there was something that Tony had said, that Tim was behaving like Gibbs, and as much as it galled Tim to admit it, there was some truth to that. It wasn't really about solitude. Both of them liked their alone time, but they used isolation as a punishment...for themselves.

Could he ever completely forgive himself for everything that had happened two years ago? Tim wasn't sure that he could. He still deeply regretted the pain he'd caused others in the depth of his own grief and pain, and he still looked on his behavior as something that could have been avoided, but he was beginning to accept it, even if he couldn't actually excuse it like others did.

In the months that he'd been back at work, he'd started accompanying his team to headquarters when circumstances called for it. He now had three agents, another newbie in addition to Sarah and Weston. Vance had said he liked how Tim managed the new agents, that he had done a great job bringing out Sarah's particular strengths without giving her too much responsibility before she was ready for it. Maren was a lot more like Tim than any person had a right to be. She was a computer nerd, perhaps even more than Tim was. There was nothing she couldn't do when it involved not only computers but electronics in general and Tim was enjoying the chance he had to shepherd someone like himself. But there were more changes in his team than just a new person. Things were different. Since Tim had come back after his leave, Weston had been a bit protective of his boss which had been a surprise, stepping in when he felt Tim was being stretched too thin, making sure that Tim wasn't missing too much time with his family when circumstances allowed it. Weston was usually fairly reserved and objective, but for whatever reason, he had tried to help Tim out wherever possible which was slowly breaking down the wall of authority that Tim had put up between himself and his team.

Tim had even dared venture down to Abby's lab once or twice. The conversations were extremely limited and awkward, but he had managed to speak to her without any jabs over Gibbs' retirement.

Breena and Jimmy had essentially forced their way back into Tim and Delilah's life and, for the most part, it was a welcome invasion. At this point, Breena would be having their baby soon and their adopted son, Jacob, was proving to be a volatile and cherished addition to their family. So the current amount of interaction was low, but it was out of necessity, not out of guilt. Ducky's involvement had also continued as he had continued to drop by without warning...or at least, without warning Tim. Delilah sometimes knew in advance. In fact, it had become so common that on Sundays, they simply expected Ducky to come by at some point.

So, right at this moment, his life was good. It was hard. It was full. He was still struggling with some things, but his life was good.

And he felt like he could share that a little bit.

Decision made for the tenth time, he picked up the pen and began to write. It wasn't much. It wasn't long. It was just what he felt needed to be said.

 _Gibbs, you can stop blaming yourself for my problems. I'm okay. My life is good. You can let it go._

Then, he sealed the photo in an envelope, addressed it to Gibbs and shoved it into the pile...at the bottom.

Then, suddenly, there was a cry from the twins' room. He jumped to his feet and nearly ran to calm the cries before Evelyn woke up Esther. He got into the bedroom and there was Evelyn crying about something. He knew she wasn't hungry, but it could be her diaper or it could be just that she woke up and decided she didn't like being alone.

He picked her up and she instantly stopped crying.

"You little faker," he whispered to her, smiling. "If you wanted company, you could have just asked."

Quickly, he took Evelyn out of the bedroom and into the living room since Esther was still sleeping. She slept like a log but also woke up in an instant. Tim sat down on the floor and let Evelyn crawl around. She was curious and liked getting into everything. Esther tended to be more content to sit and look around, but Evelyn often didn't let her. They seemed to have their own language and would gabble to each other often. Tommy sometimes felt left out, but he also liked being the big brother who could watch out for his baby sisters.

"Daddy?"

Tim looked back and smiled.

"Hey, Tommy. Did Evelyn wake you up?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you can be up. That's all right."

"Can I play with Evelyn?"

"If she wants you to. You can't make her, okay?"

"Okay."

Tommy walked over and started to show off his blocks to his little sister. He would hold out the different shapes and say what the shapes and the colors were. Tim was very impressed that Tommy was doing so well on that. Evelyn would grab every block he showed her, but there were so many that Tommy didn't care...for the moment. Tim was glad to see Tommy bonding with one of his sisters. He and Delilah had already planned on making sure that the twins weren't just "the twins". There would be no dressing in matching outfits once they were in school. If the current personality differences continued, they'd encourage each girl to pursue her own interests.

Would they do everything right? No, but they were going to try and do as much as possible.

After a while, Tim figured that Esther might be awake, too. She didn't always cry when she woke up. Sometimes, she'd just lie in her crib and look around with interest at the bedroom. So he went back into the room and there was Esther, sitting in her crib quietly, completely content.

"Hey, Esther. You want to get up?" Tim asked.

She reached up for him and he took her out to the main room.

"Look who's up," he said.

Evelyn started gabbling at Esther who gabbled back. Tim put Esther on the floor.

"Tommy, show Esther some of your blocks, too."

Tommy nodded and held out one to Esther.

"Esther, this is a red square," he said.

Esther looked at it for a few seconds. Then, she took it and stared at it some more. ...and then, she started to chew on it.

"No, no, no!" Tommy declared. "No eating blocks, Esther!"

"It's okay, Tommy. She won't hurt it," Tim said.

"Yucky, Esther!" Tommy insisted, waving his arms. "No eating blocks!"

Esther pulled the block out of her mouth and then laughed at Tommy's antics. Evelyn laughed, too. Tommy paused, surprised that he had made them laugh. Then, he started doing other things, trying to make them laugh again. Sometimes, he succeeded, sometimes he didn't. Tim looked up at one point and saw Delilah sitting in her chair in the doorway to their room, also watching their children playing together. She smiled.

They both sat silently, just enjoying their family.

Then, Tim's phone vibrated in his pocket. He tried not to let it ring when he was with his family. He wanted to be with his family, not staring at his phone, but he did have to have it with him. He couldn't just ignore it.

So he pulled out his phone and saw that it was Tony. He mouthed _Tony_ to Delilah and then got up to walk a little ways away from Tommy's noise and Esther and Evelyn's babbling.

"Hey, Tony," he said.

" _Hey, Tim. I sent you an email. Tell me what you think,"_ Tony said.

Tim felt his brow furrowing, but he walked over to the computer and booted it up. He could have done it on his phone, but he wanted to keep talking.

"What's the topic?" he asked.

" _You'll have to wait and see,"_ Tony said. _"It's a surprise, although it's not for you. I just want your feedback."_

"Okay..."

Tim brought up his email and saw that there was indeed an email from Tony and it had an attachment.

"If this is a joke to get me to go to some terrible website, you're in trouble," Tim said.

" _Nope. That's not it, although I could oblige if you wanted me to."_

"No, thank you."

Tim opened it up and then was shocked.

" _What do you think?"_ Tony asked in the silence.

"Uh..."

" _Come on, Probie. You know Jo. I need this to be perfect."_

"Tony, what am I looking at?"

" _You're a smart guy, Tim. You figure it out."_

Tim turned around so Delilah could hear him.

"It looks like I'm looking at engagement rings, Tony."

Delilah's head jerked up and she look shocked and then thrilled.

" _You are. What do you think?"_

"I'm hardly an expert. I've only done it once."

" _You have infinitely more success at getting married than I do."_

"That doesn't mean I'm good at picking out rings."

" _Yes, it does. I remember the one you picked out for Delilah. It was perfect."_

"But I knew Delilah really well."

" _You know Jo."_

"Not as well as you do."

" _Give me an opinion anyway. I've already picked the one I like best. I want to see if you agree."_

"Tony, we don't have the same tastes in almost anything."

" _I know that. Doesn't matter. Just do it, Probie!"_

"Okay, okay."

Tim looked at the four pictures of rings Tony had sent him. One thing he noticed right away was that they all had opals.

"Do you like opals, Tony?"

" _Well, Jo likes opals and they're cheaper than diamonds most of the time so I'm just fine with that."_

Tim laughed and looked again. Two were simpler and two were extremely ornate with multiple diamonds all around the main stone, thick bands and they looked rather gaudy to Tim.

"Well, I'd say no to the two really fancy ones."

" _Why?"_

"Because they're too ornate for Jo, I'd think. She doesn't seem to be the kind of person who would wear really ostentatious jewelry. She saves that for her hair."

" _Ha. Good one. I'll have to tell her that."_

"Actually, I like the one that has the diamond as the main stone and the three little opals as...leaves or whatever. I think that's cool and it's not too bulky. Wait, let me see what Delilah thinks."

" _Is she right there?"_

"Well, she's across the room, so you know that she heard."

" _Great."_

"She won't tell," Tim said. He turned and gestured for Delilah to come over.

Delilah carefully maneuvered around the kids and joined Tim at the computer. Esther and Evelyn were still being entertained by Tommy (in between chewing on his blocks).

"What do you think?" Tim asked. "I said that I like this one."

He pointed to the ring he'd picked and put the phone on speaker.

"Oh, I like that one, too."

"And I said I didn't like the big, fancy ones."

"They're pretty, but very impractical," Delilah said. "I don't know if I like the one you picked or the other one better. I like the way the two stones are matched. It's really nice. Tony, I'd go with either one of the other two."

" _Well, then I feel much better. Not only did you both reject the really expensive ones, Tim picked the same one I did."_

"Really? I might die from the shock."

"Mommy, they chew my blocks!" Tommy whined.

Delilah grinned and rolled back to keep the peace.

"Tommy, the blocks aren't going to be hurt by them chewing. They don't even have teeth yet."

"My blocks. Not Esther's blocks!"

Tim grinned and returned to his conversation.

"So...when is this going to happen?"

" _When I get up the guts to do it. We've been kind of talking about it but..."_

"But you're scared," Tim realized.

" _Please, don't put it like that. I'm...nervous."_

"She loves you, Tony. You love her. She makes you happy. What's the problem?" Tim asked.

There was an awkward pause. Tim looked over at Delilah and mouthed _are you okay?_ She nodded. So Tim walked out into the yard and sat down on the patio.

"Tony, what's up?" he asked.

" _Tim, if this works out, you need to be my best man and keep me from screwing this up."_

"What? Screwing _what_ up?" Tim asked, in surprise. Tony sounded genuinely worried.

" _All this,"_ Tony said, seriously. _"I don't know if you missed it, Tim, but I'm not exactly known for my good, solid relationships. You were just nervous because you were afraid of reading things wrong. It wasn't because you actually had_ done _something wrong. I haven't been in a normal, sane relationship for years. I need someone to make sure I don't mess this up because it's the best thing I've had in a long time."_

"Tony, you weren't entirely at fault, you know. You just hadn't given yourself a chance to have a real relationship. Once you did, you were fine. You've never had any issues with dating Jo. I don't think you have anything to worry about now. You're just taking another step."

" _Will you do it anyway?"_

Tim smiled.

"Sure. Easiest job I ever had. I won't have to worry about a thing."

It was strange to be the one encouraging Tony rather than the other way around. Tim knew that Tony's life wasn't perfect, but he'd never thought that Tony would be worried about anything to do with relationships. He was always so confident about women and about how he dealt with them. To have him not being that way when everything was going well was a surprise.

"Tony...are you thinking this won't work?"

" _I'm thinking that it might be too good to be true."_

"Well, it's not. It's just good enough," Tim said.

Tim wasn't sure what to say, in large part because Tony had never wanted Tim to help him. He had always denied needing it, and Tim had been having so many problems of his own that he could easily believe it. But even the times when Tim had _tried_ to do something, Tony had often brushed it off. So now, when Tony was admitting to worries of his own, Tim wasn't sure what to do about it, but he had to do _something_.

"Tony...you deserve this," he said, finally. "You're worrying about something you really don't need to worry about...and I'm an expert at that, so you can take my word for it."

" _Ha. Very funny."_

"Seriously, Tony. Do you want to marry Jo?"

" _Yeah."_

"Then, you have to take this step and if you're really worried and you honestly think I can do _anything_ to change your mind about something, then, you know that I'll back you up."

" _You think I should do it? Take the plunge?"_

"Yes. For what it's worth. You've done way more for me."

" _Don't start that again."_

"I won't, but I'm serious. What you're asking is so little because I can see that you're ready and I can see that you're happy. So if you stop thinking that you're going to mess up, you'll be fine. Buy the ring and give it to her. It's not like you're married right that second. You have time to talk about things."

" _I know, but you can't go back once you've asked the question."_

"Nope, but you _can_ go forward and that's better than going back anyway."

" _Since when have you been Mr. Optimism?"_

"I can always be optimistic about other people's lives. It's my own I struggle with."

" _And are you struggling?"_

"Some, but it's getting better."

" _Good."_

Then, Tim decided to share one of the things he'd been considering (besides Gibbs).

"And I was thinking that, in a couple of years...well, we've never done any trips up to New England. Things are a lot closer together up there. And if it was in the summer and shorter, we could take Tommy, and make it a guy thing."

There was a brief silence and Tim knew he'd surprised Tony.

"You're _suggesting a road trip? Will wonders never cease?"_

"Not right away, you understand. I'm going to have to make up for all this time I've had off and I don't want to abuse Vance's generosity. And Tommy will be nearly six years old in two years. That's old enough to appreciate a few days of travel. If you don't want to..."

" _Whoa. Stop right there. No way are you going to weasel out of a trip by saying I don't want to do it. Two years from now."_

"Two years from the summer. I'm not having Tommy miss school for a vacation. That's sending the wrong message."

" _You're way too responsible, Tim."_

"Yes, I know."

" _And I don't know what I'd do without someone like that around. Honestly, you don't know how much you've helped me."_

"I haven't done much," Tim said.

" _More than you'll ever know."_

Tim smiled. "Buy the ring, Tony. And I'll be there."

" _That's what I needed to hear. I'll let you know."_

"You'd better."

" _Bye."_

"Bye."

Tim hung up and sat there. Tony getting married. It was both bizarre and expected at the same time. He hoped that it would all be perfect. Tony deserved something perfect.

The back door suddenly crashed open and Tommy came running out. Apparently, he wasn't getting enough sympathy from his mother.

"Daddy, they keep eating my blocks!" he whined.

Tim tucked his phone back in his pocket and picked Tommy up.

"They're still babies, Tommy."

"But they're _mine_!"

"Yes, and they'll always be yours, but you have to share them sometimes. They won't hurt your blocks."

"Why do they eat my blocks?"

"Tommy, Esther and Evelyn are growing teeth and it's not a fun thing to do, but they have to do it so they can eat grown up food like you. While they're growing teeth, they're rubbing their mouths on anything they can to see if it makes them feel better. You did it, too."

"I chewed blocks?"

"You chewed _everything_ ," Tim said, grinning. He tickled Tommy a little bit and he squirmed and giggled. "But you stopped doing that when you got your teeth. They'll stop, too."

"Now?"

"Maybe not now. Let's see if we can get them to chew some of their own toys, okay?"

"Yes. Chew ducks, not blocks," Tommy said emphatically.

Tim laughed.

"Exactly."

Then, he set Tommy down and they went into the house.

And suddenly, Tim had a song in his head. For the first time he had in all the months since they'd gone on that road trip, he found himself singing very softly.

" _Get your kicks on Route 66."_

When he realized what he was doing, he groaned inwardly and smiled.

Tony would _never_ know that he had finally started singing that stupid song.

Never.

FINIS!


End file.
